Camera Shy (Lessons in Love, #1)(107)

Click. Click.

“Spread your legs a little wider. Hold that pose.” I boss her around absentmindedly as I take two steps to my right for a different angle.

Click. Click.

“That’s beautiful, Avery. Exactly what I want to see.”

Good girl.





We did not stop at one roll of film. He’s had to replace the camera film at least twice now. I was nervous for the first five minutes and then something powerful took over me.

It was Finn’s eyes and the way he was trying to control his smile as he looked through the lens. He’s been scolding me for the past half hour because I have a bad habit of looking right at the camera.

Stop that. Look over there, Avery.

Over my shoulder.

Don’t stare right at the lens, Queen.

I needed a lot of direction, but little did Finn know, I wasn’t staring at the camera. I was staring at his eyes. He looked so pleased. So damn pleased with me. He’s looking at me the way I imagine I look at him.

It isn’t selfish or unbecoming to be the star every now and then. It feels damn good to get dressed up and feel so sexy and so…womanly. I never understood that definition until today.

Woman. That word. It’s power, but it’s tenderness. It’s control, but compromise. A woman can be all things, to all people, which is why she has to be so careful about what she chooses.

I chose to step back.

I chose to be told how I should feel about myself.

I chose to love everyone else more than I loved myself.

And that’s why Finn wanted to do this because there’s magic in this studio. At first, I listened to his commands, adjusting myself as he saw fit. Then the tables turned and I started bossing him around. I wanted to try new poses and different angles. He photographed me with the stockings on and then off. I let the sexy black high heels he used as a prop dangle on my foot as I pretended to touch myself. I rolled around in a bed of black roses like my very essence was sin and lust. I’ve never known this energy. But now that I’ve found it, I am determined to keep it.

My ass and my breasts are bare all over that camera and I can’t wait to see what these pictures look like. I can’t wait to see the expression on my face because I imagine it’s complete. Satisfied. Finally…

Confident.

It’s true. I thought confidence would make me feel taller or more poised. I thought my voice would get a bit deeper and my chin would be permanently fixed in an upward tilt.

But no.

Confidence feels like relief. Goddamn relief. That finally the way I feel about myself is more important than Mason’s dissatisfaction, Palmer’s condescension, or my parents’ blatant lack of interest in me.

I’m beautiful to the core. I’m worthy of my own approval. I’m Finn’s…

Or at least I want to be.

“Queen, we’re out of film,” Finn says softly, pulling me from the haze of my hedonic power trip. “We’ve been at it for over an hour.”

“Really?”

“Time flies when you’re—”

“Naked in front of a man you desperately want to have sex with?”

Finn’s lips twitch into a cocky smile. Crossing the room, he sets down his camera carefully and returns to me on the bed. I’m sprawled out, with the white sheet strategically draped across my hips. I watch his light blue eyes darken as he crawls onto the bed. I half expect him to rip the sheet away and throw my legs over his shoulder, but instead, he rolls me onto my side and spoons me from behind. I’m slightly perturbed because I can’t see his handsome face. When I try to roll over, he grips my hip, hard. I wince more out of surprise.

“Don’t look, just listen,” he grumbles into my ear. “You did a fantastic job. The camera loves you.”

“Thank you.” I say it genuinely because for some reason, I actually believe him. I felt like the camera loved me for the first time in my life.

He pulls my earlobe between his lips and tugs. “Can I photograph you again?”

“Yes,” I respond without hesitation.

“I’m serious. With clothes, without. You’re so beautiful, Avery. My heart is sore from pounding so hard for you.”

I giggle, but it seems inappropriate because Finn doesn’t chuckle back. Is he not being playful? “Are you trying to sweet talk me into sex? Because I’m already there, buddy.” I try to turn around to face him, but again he puts pressure on my hip, keeping me locked in place.

“No, I’m trying to tell you how I feel. If you were to move here, to Vegas. We could call this what it actually is.”

“What is it?” My reply is knee-jerk. I know what he’s getting at, but I want to hear the sound of his voice when he says it.

Finn brushes my hair away from my neck and plants a tender kiss behind my ear. He releases the death grip on my hip and runs his strong hand over the dip of my waist and pulls me against him even closer. His voice is low and deep in my ear. “We make each other happy. We make each other feel secure. It’s easy, just be with me.”

I know he can feel my heart thudding out of control, and I don’t care. He deserves to know how I feel. He calls me Queen, but he’s the one who acts like royalty. Finn is the textbook definition of a fantasy man, and it’s a little hard to believe this is my fairy tale.