Camera Shy (Lessons in Love, #1)(77)

Raising up his arm, he invites me to cuddle into his chest and is less than pleased when he sees me grimace. “Okay, what’s with you tonight? Did I do something?” I don’t think anyone else in the world would notice, but I see it—Finn seems to shrivel in his seat. Just a hair. Almost unnoticeable…except I notice. “Are you upset with me?”

“Why would you think that?”

“No kiss hello. You only want to talk business tonight. You’re sitting over there like I’m contagious. I’m counting down the minutes until you start giving me the silent treatment.”

I roll my eyes so hard they strain. “I hate the silent treatment. Such a waste of time. I’d rather be in a screaming match than play the ice out game.”

Finn points to his chest emphatically. “Me too.” He shakes his head like he’s trying to shake off a bad memory. “It was my ex’s favorite game to play. After a while, I started picking up on the little tells that I’m in trouble. Starting with”—he gestures to the space between us—“she wouldn’t let me touch her.”

“Oh, hey—no.” I reach over to squeeze his knee. “Okay, I just…look, I feel guilty.”

He raises his dark brow. “Why?”

“Because all we do is talk about my needs. I promised to help you with your business and I haven’t been doing that. Every time we’re around each other, we seem to—”

“Get naked?”

“Exactly. Is this too much sex? It was just supposed to be a favor.” Leaning forward, I collect the energy drink from the coffee table and pop the lid. These are even more delicious when Finn brings them to me. It’s a telltale sign he’s thinking of me, even when we’re apart.

“It won’t last forever,” he says. My chest immediately tightens as the pang of rejection shocks me.

As a knee-jerk response, I nod enthusiastically, pretending like I’m not caught off guard. “I know. I wasn’t thinking this was serious or anything.”

“No, I mean, it’s fun right now because it’s new. It’s exciting. It always starts this way when you’re with someone new. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying it while it lasts. So yeah—it’s a lot of sex. Great. Let’s have a lot of sex while we can.”

Funny. Mason and I never had a honeymoon period. Did it fade? Absolutely. But I can’t remember it starting off passionate like this. Everything from my past relationship was so careful and calculated and…boring.

“Did you and Nora have a lot of sex?”

“Yes,” Finn responds without hesitation. “Pretty much daily when we were together.”

“Oh.”

“But it wasn’t like this.”

The light flutter in my chest comes alive. My mouth begins to water in anticipation like he’s about to say something really important. All I have to do is ask. “Like what?”

“Nora used sex for control, I think. If I was having sex with her constantly, I couldn’t possibly have the time or energy to be having sex with anyone else. It wasn’t for enjoyment, it was more of a way to prove myself. To prove how much I loved her and wanted her, but even daily wasn’t enough. Nothing I did made her feel less insecure. I was always in trouble. I’d get side glares, silent treatment, hell, sometimes she’d all out scream at me in public. She never trusted that I loved her and only her. No matter what I did, there was always something wrong. I literally was afraid to be around the woman I loved because I knew our next big blowout was just around the corner.”

How strange. Here I never thought people who looked like Finn would have intimacy issues. We were both starving in our prior relationships—just starved of different things.

“That sounds a little like…” I bite down on my lip, debating whether it’s my place to say. But we’re friends. This is something I’d say to any friend. “Emotional abuse.”

Finn closes his eyes and nods. “It took me a really long time to admit that. It didn’t sound manly to admit I was being treated poorly in my relationship.”

I wrap my hand around his fingers and squeeze. “I’m sorry. I’m glad you’re doing better now.”

Returning my warm smile, he brings my fingers to his lips. “If you’re thinking I’m only doing this so you can save my business, you’re wrong. I like being around you. You make it easy to smile.”

Oh geez. That jolt in my chest. The pulsing shocks and vibrating tremors taking over my body from the inside out are most definitely feelings. Real fucking feelings.

“But I’m starting to feel like I’m using you.” That’s a half-truth. More accurately, I’m starting to worry that I’m blurring lines. It started with no feelings. Now we’re at okay, just feelings for the summer. And I’m getting dangerously close to, heart freaking ripped to shreds when I have to leave this man and get back to reality. “I don’t want you to feel like my sex toy.”

Finn rubs the back of his neck, a sheepish smile creeping across his face. “I’m good with it. Consider me your toy.” He opens his legs into a wide V, as unsubtly as possible. “Play with me.”

I try to hold a straight face, but we both burst into laughter.

“Wow, that was bad…just bad.”