Camera Shy (Lessons in Love, #1)(79)

I squint at him. “Are you kidding? I asked you to be my sex sensei because I’m wildly inept in the bedroom. It really doesn’t get much more in your face than that.”

“Your feelings,” Finn says like it’s a clear explanation. But I don’t understand, so I just shrug. “You’ll openly admit to your insecurities, but you won’t actually say how they make you feel. It’s like you try to judge yourself before anyone else can. It’s strategic. In fact, everything you do is poised and careful. And sure, you cried around me once, but I think those tears were more out of frustration than anything. If you think you’re being vulnerable…eh, well, I can tell you try really hard to be more realistic than emotional. It seems lonely.”

I lean back against the couch cushions and tuck my knees to my chest. “Since when are my emotions someone else’s responsibility? My issues are my burden to bear.”

Finn waits until I meet his eyes. He’s so demanding when it comes to eye contact. Maybe because he knows his icy blue eyes seem to tear down my walls. “Burden me, Avery. I want you to.”

I let the stupid tears well in my eyes and I feel smaller than I ever have before. I wish Finn could understand that we don’t see the world the same way. He will never understand what it is to be the ugly duckling. He will also never understand that I’m okay with being the ugly duckling. I’m okay with pajama bottoms, messy buns, and a couple of stains on my T-shirt. I’m fine with pizza pockets for dinner. I don’t want to lose myself. I just want to like myself. I want to figure out what I need from my sex life and then I want to find another ugly duckling, so we can live happily together, in the same world where we can swim and waddle at exactly the same pace.

I don’t want to fall for a man I would be terrified of losing because I’m not good enough for him. I’m a nice person, I’m easy to talk to, and I’m right in front of Finn’s face. Of course he’s intrigued…for now. But it won’t last. The moment we step out of this bubble, he’ll understand how mismatched we really are. But I know if I say all this to Finn, he’ll just come up with some poetic excuse to tell me how wonderful I am, and honestly, I’m sick of hearing it.

“Do you still want to have sex?”

He cocks one eyebrow. “That’s one hell of a response.”

“I’m serious.”

“Of course I do.”

“And you’ll listen to my ideas for your business later? And pay attention?”

He tries to hide his gleeful smile. “Absolutely.”

“Okay, then for our next lesson,” I say as I drop to the floor and kneel between Finn’s legs. “Teach me how to give good head.”





She actually looks studious with her head cocked to the side, waiting for instructions. Avery’s kneeling in front of me, her pretty eyes blinking at me expectantly. Her low-cut tank top is a siren’s song and the top bumps of her perfect round tits have my head muddled with all kinds of disgraceful thoughts. I’m pining for her, but in a way, she’s already mine. Right? But then why doesn’t she feel mine?

I like Avery exactly the way I met her. Every time I call her beautiful, it’s genuine. But the way she brought her A-game tonight is stirring up something territorial in me. I’m jealous for some reason, and I don’t know why. It’s just the two of us here.

“You’re not sleeping with anyone else, right?”

“What?” she asks, incredulous, her face twisting up in surprise. “Why would you ask that?”

“We never established we’d be exclusive throughout the deal.” I run my thumb from the base of her earlobe to the bottom of her chin and she leans away from my touch, her surprised expression turning into an accusatory one as her eyes narrow.

“Um, I thought that was implied when I let you fuck me without a condom. Wait. Are you sleeping with other women?” Her eyes widen to cartoon proportions and she begins to rise off her knees. I immediately plant my hands on her shoulders and press her back down as I scoot to the edge of the couch.

“Avery Scott, calm the fuck down. No. Of course not. I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page.”

“Same page, same page,” she mutters, but I can see her chest still rising and falling rapidly.

Good. It’s not just me. I hope the idea of me with another woman makes her sick because I’d be willing to rip another man to shreds right now.

Reaching over Avery’s shoulder to the coffee table, I dip my finger into the bowl of banana cream pie dip and scoop out a large dollop. I taste it first. “Mmm, that’s really good. I love banana cream pie. Second only to coconut cream pie. Although this dip has me reconsidering.” I hold my finger, still half-coated in dessert, to her lips. “Open your mouth.”

Avery drops her jaw and I insert my finger a little farther back than she was expecting. She gags on the tip of my forefinger when it touches the back of her throat. “Sorry,” she says, sputtering. “Wasn’t ready. I’m okay now. Try again.”

“Don’t overthink this, baby. Suck.”

She takes my finger in her mouth again and this time swirls her tongue around the tip before pulling her mouth away. My finger falls off her lips with a pop.

“Good girl.” My cock twitches in anticipation. Goddamn, I love our sexy games. Especially because I know she only plays them with me. “It’s simple. Lots of pressure, keep it really wet, and make sure you let me know how much you like it.”