Daydream (Maple Hills, #3)(100)
“Yes, Cap?”
“I wouldn’t have wanted it to be anyone other than you.”
There’s an almost bashful smile I haven’t seen before as he nods. “I feel the same.”
Chapter Thirty-One HENRY
I DON’T KNOW WHY IT’S when I’m trying really hard not to be a distraction that I suddenly think of every single thing I’ve ever wanted to say to Halle.
She’s typing away on her laptop, ideas for her imaginary friends coming thick and fast, and I don’t want to stop her when she’s on a roll. But at the same time, I really want her attention. And she’ll give it to me if I ask, which is why I’m trying hard not to.
It started when I arrived and she said happy New Year’s Eve, which I argued wasn’t a thing that people say, and she argued that it was. So I looked it up, and ended up reading up on the origins of the New Year’s celebrations and I want to tell her, so she knows I’m right.
After Halle worked double shifts for the past week, you’d think she’d give herself a break from working on her book, but she seems to have found her stride. I wasn’t supposed to see her all week because I was home for the holidays and she was swamped with work, but I somehow managed to sleep here every night, then go back home.
My mom asked if I’d taken up stripping because I disappeared in the evening and came back in the morning.
I can see her cheeks above the rim of her laptop, which is how I spot them turning a deep red color. She looks paler than normal, but she says she isn’t sick. Her eyes flick up to me like she knows I’m watching, then shoot back to her screen. “Stop surveilling me,” she whines. “It’s creepy.”
“I’m not surveilling you. I’m admiring you. Why are you so flushed?”
She moves in her seat, tucking her feet under her butt. “No reason.”
Her voice comes out higher than normal, a sign I’ve learned means she’s lying. “What are your imaginary friends doing that’s making you so pink?”
“Nothing!” Another lie.
“Halle Jacobs, are you writing about sex?”
“No!” Another lie.
“I’m trying not to distract you but you’re making it very hard.” I watch as she snaps her laptop shut and walks across to where I’m sprawled on the couch. She climbs on top of me, slotting perfectly into the gap between my body and the couch. Her leg is draped over me; it’s natural to us now. We work so well like this. “Okay, now you’re just distracting yourself.”
“I deserve a little break.” She reaches up to kiss the underside of my jaw. “And I was writing about after the first time they have sex. When they’re in bed talking.”
“What are they talking about?”
Weirdly, she shrugs. Difficult to do while she lies on me and not the kind of unsure action I’ve watched her do before. “What it means now that they’ve done it. If it changes anything between them. What their future might look like.”
“Is that what you wished we’d done when we had sex?” I ask. Maybe I should have thought about this, but really, I didn’t know I had to. I’m always concerned with making sure she’s okay, she liked it, I wasn’t too rough or too soft or any of the other combinations of mistakes that I might have made. “Should I have brought it up?”
“Which time? I don’t think we leave much time for conversation.” She laughs, but she hasn’t said no. “I could have brought it up. Any of the times. I guess for me I kind of don’t know where we’re at. You passed Thornton’s class; you don’t need me anymore. My book is about three quarters of the way to being done, and you’ve given me more experience than I ever could have asked for.”
“I do need you, Halle. I want you. I’ll give you whatever you want, but I want to be where you’re at,” I tell her honestly. Yes, surviving Thornton was the original objective, but I have a much bigger purpose now. “What do you think?”
“You’re not going to like it when I talk about him.”
I groan and she pokes me in the cheek. “Go on. I’ll cope.”
“Calling Will my boyfriend destroyed our friendship. I’m scared that if we try to put a label on what we have it’ll change things. I don’t want things to change between us. I like them exactly as they are. We tell each other what we need, we see each other as much as we can, the sex… the sex is incredible. You make me laugh, you make me feel so cherished, Henry. What if I’m just not supposed to be someone’s girlfriend? I don’t want to risk it all going wrong. I just want to be exclusive. Am I asking for too much?”
It’s funny, because I’ve never really thought about being someone’s boyfriend until her. “No, you’re not asking for too much. I’m not sharing you and I’ve never understood labels. I don’t care what we’re called. Nothing needs to change. Other than maybe I’ll be the one helping you out with your sex class with Thornton.”
She giggles, her body vibrating against mine. “Please don’t call it a sex class with Professor Thornton. It might make me throw up.” I love listening to her laugh. “Can we promise that if either of us suddenly feels attached to a label that we’ll ask the other? And maybe we can see how we feel again and talk about it later. Am I making this too clinical?”