Fake Skating(103)

“Then don’t,” I said, struggling to get a good breath as full-on panic screamed through me. “Collins…”

I don’t want to hurt you.

I trailed off because fucking wait.

I don’t want to hurt you.

Did she feel bad for me? Was she trying to let me down easy—soft little Alec—was that what this was?

“But you promised,” she repeated, sounding like she was begging.

Like she was desperate for me to remember her out clause.

And I realized as I looked at her that I had no choice.

If she wanted to be done, we were done.

Because I wasn’t going to beg anymore.

If we’re going out, we’re going up in flames, baby



My gut burned with shame as I looked at her pretty face and realized I’d done it again. Holy shit, I’d fallen head over heels for the only girl I’d ever wanted and the only girl who knew how to fucking destroy me.

“Same old Dani, eh?” I said, grinding my teeth against the pain that was suddenly like a knife in my chest. I took a big step back from her. “Leaving me behind yet again. At least this time there aren’t any letters for you to ignore.”

“What?”

“How could you do it, by the way?” I asked, angry at the confused look on her face, done with the bullshit. Everything hurt again, and it was because of her again, and suddenly I needed her to answer the damn question that’d haunted me for years. “How could you walk away when I needed you? I wrote you every fucking week, breaking our stupid rules and begging you to be there for me, but you didn’t even care enough to send a screw younote in response. How—”

“What are you talking about?” she interrupted, looking at me like I was nuts.

And I realized then, as she blinked up at me with her heartbreakingly gorgeous tear-streaked face, that it actually didn’tmatter.

Because Dani Collins was—and forever would be—what she’d been to me my entire life.

The one I wanted who didn’t want me back.

“Nothing, forget it,” I said, so pissed at myself for being such a chump. So pissed at her for doing this to me again. “Just realizing that the one thing I can always count on is that I can’t count on you.”

She made a noise in the back of her throat before she said, “Alec.”

“No.” I shook my head in disbelief—so fucking stupid—and looked down at the carpet. I didn’t want to see her face, couldn’t look at her, because I was in serious danger of losing my shit and begging on my knees.

Or fucking crying.

All I could manage as my chest fucking burned was “I think you need to leave now.”

I heard her sniffle. “Alec, I—”

“Just go.”

“Okay,” she said in almost a whisper, and a few seconds later she was gone.





CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE Dani




It’s for the best.

I kept telling myself that as I walked home in the cold, justifying my behavior in my head, but the words didn’t help when I couldn’t stop picturing his face.

God, the way he looked at me.

How was I ever going to stop crying when my brain kept showing it to me on repeat? Every time I started to get it together, to stop sniveling as I stumbled in the direction of my house, I pictured the absolute shock and betrayal on his face when he said, Are you breaking up with me? and then I was sobbing.

When I got home, I did my best to pull myself together before going inside. Hopefully I could sneak away to my room and lick my wounds before my mom got back from the store.

But when I walked in the door, she was sitting on the couch in the living room, looking worried.

For a second I thought she knew.

But then she said, “Honey, there’s been a slight change of plans.”

“I don’t know what that means,” I said, toeing off my boots, too exhausted to even play a guessing game.

“Hey, are you okay?” she asked, her eyes moving all over my blotchy face.

There was no way she couldn’t see I’d been crying, but I was too drained to bother with acknowledging it.

“What’s the plan change?” I said, not wanting to discuss how very not okay I was.

“Well,” she said, her eyebrows furrowed together in worry. “Your dad had to catch an earlier flight, so he wanted me to let you know he’ll call you when he gets back to Germany.”

She cleared her throat, and the house was deafeningly quiet as that sentence settled over me.

“Why did he have to catch an earlier flight?” I asked, dropping my coat on the bench next to the door, knowing the answer even as I asked it. “Did something happen?”

“I, um, I don’t really know the details,” she said, shrugging. “I think he just wanted to get a head start; you know how long those international flights are.”

I nodded, surprised I could feel this heaviness in my chest again, the massive weight of disappointment. I would’ve thought that after what had happened at Alec’s, I’d be tapped out on emotion.

“Did he say…” I almost couldn’t bring myself to finish the question, but then I pushed it out because I just needed the confirmation. “He’s not taking the Offutt assignment, is he?”