If It Makes You Happy(96)

“Having fun?” he asks.

Cliff pokes at Brittany’s feet—so close to mine—and she giggles, nodding over and over.

“Em?”

Emily purses her lips. “We’re having a good time.”

“Good.” He looks at Carol with a lopsided smile and waves to Sara.

I keep anticipating that he’ll look at me. I’m buzzing with nerves. My knee bounces on the floor.

See me, see me, see me.

Finally, he does.

And our gazes snag.

They always do.

There isn’t Brittany, Emily, Sara, or Carol. It’s me, Cliff, and his blue eyes. Cliff and the little line in the corner of his mouth that deepens when he starts to smile. Cliff and the barely there bend in the bridge of his nose. Cliff and the small scar above his upper lip that I traced with my fingertips. Cliff and his tense jaw.

“Because I’m really confused about us …”

What do we say? Nothing. I’m leaving, and I don’t know when I’ll come back, and ultimately, it doesn’t matter. He’s got a life here. I’ve got a life elsewhere. We can’t get close.

It makes me sad. It makes me upset. Angry with myself.

I like control over my own life, but somehow, I can’t get my wits about me around Cliff. He’s been the tornado barreling toward me since the day my taxi drove into town.

I want my life back. I want normalcy. And he’s messing it all up.

“Dad!”

Cliff blinks, and so do I, my tunnel vision widening back to the pillow fort and my hands tightened in Brittany’s hair, mid-braid.

Emily groans. “Can’t you see we’re busy?”

“Right, right, right,” he says, shaking his head. “You girls have fun.”

I expect him to steal one last glance at me. I’m desperate for it, but the curtain drops, and I’m left without him again.

I swallow and finish Brittany’s braid.

“Hair tie?” I ask.

When none lands in my hand, I look up.

Emily, Carol, and Sara are staring at me.

“What?” I ask.

All three look away, saying, “Nothing,” “Nope,” and, “Not a thing.”

“I wish Rocket were here,” Brittany says in a low whine.

Emily’s head jerks up. “You do?”

Brittany nods. “I miss him.”

I stroke my fingers through the ends of her braid, undoing it to try again. “He misses you too.”

Brittany gasps. “Did he tell you that?”

I tilt my head side to side. “In a way, yes.” I keep braiding halfway down her neck. “Hey, how about when you get back, we have a whole playdate in the front yard?”

“It’ll be cold.”

“Then we’ll wear jackets.”

“Will Rocket be there?”

“Yes, and we’ll find him a jacket too.”

A steady smile rises onto Brittany’s cheeks as she murmurs, “Okay.”

“Hair tie?” I insist again.

This time, Sara tosses me one. I tie off Brittany’s braid and pat her back. She, Carol, and Sara roll over to the nail polish station, leaving me to slide down the edge of the sofa to the pillowed floor. Emily sidles up next to me, leaning her head on my shoulder.

“I’m sorry he went on a date with your sister,” Emily whispers.

My stomach curls. It was my fault. I told him to. I pushed it. I have nobody to blame but myself.

I force a smile. “Why?”

“Because.”

I remember how hurt he looked the other morning, and it kills me to think I did that to him. I’m causing all of our problems, and it’s so par for the course that I’m almost sickened. He doesn’t deserve that.

“Hey, do me a favor?” I ask.

“Yeah?”

“Cut him some slack about Halloween.”

Emily giggles. “I like to make him sweat. He thinks he’s all that, so I’ve gotta set him straight.”

I huff out a laugh. “Well, try not to make him too nervous, okay?”

“I promise.” Then she nudges me. “And you too.”

My heart hammers, but all I manage is a small “I’ll try.”





CHAPTER 31





Cliff




Three days pass without Michelle. I’m exhausted. I miss her.

It doesn’t help that tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I’ll be at Bird & Breakfast, like I was last year, but this time, Michelle will be across from me, laughing and smiling and being beautiful. And tonight, she’ll be staying under my roof.

Christ.

I’m not in the mood for celebrations this year. Thanksgiving can go gobble elsewhere for all I care, especially as I pull up to the bus station parking lot to send my two girls off to New York without me.

I attempt a smile as I pull the parking brake, looking over at Brittany’s slumped shoulders and Emily’s thin, straight lips. She pulls her headphones down around her neck as the Discman in her palm continues to spin.

“You girls ready?” I ask.

“Woo,” Emily deadpans, pushing the stop button.

Brittany’s big eyes peer up at me. “Do you think Rocket will forget me?”