In the Veins of the Drowning(47)

He stepped away from me. “Forgive my lapse.” He turned back toward the horse to attach the second saddlebag. “It won’t happen again.”

The wall at my back was all that held me up. He was so adept at locking himself away. Suddenly, he was unflustered, unmoved by what had just transpired between us.

There came the sound of rustling straw and then Agatha appeared in the aisle. She wore a new wheat-colored dress and carried a basket filled with wrapped packages of food and bottles of wine. “There you are.” Her face fell when she saw me. She eyed Theodore, then looked back to me. “Feeling all right?”

I nodded quickly. “Mmm-hmm.”

Her face hardened at my lie. “Your Majesty,” she said, to Theodore. “Princess Halla is here. She’d like to say goodbye.”

Theodore’s shoulders straightened, but before he could leave the stall, Halla was at Agatha’s side. Her white hair was twisted up tightly and studded with sapphire pins. The pale blue of her gauzy gown was a perfect match to her eyes.

She dipped into a low curtsy, smile sweet. “I wanted to bid you farewell, Your Majesty.”

Theodore was silent, but he stepped forward, took her hand, and placed a quick kiss to it.

Halla’s gaze narrowed with confusion when it landed on me, still standing with my back to the stall wall. “I didn’t realize Lady Nel would be accompanying you to liaison with your war captains.”

Theodore glanced at me, then back at Halla. “Her family lives near one of the bases.”

“How convenient.” Her smile grew strained. She rose onto her toes and placed a lingering kiss on Theodore’s cheek. “I’m eager for your return.”

Theodore only gave a curt nod in response.

After one last glance in my direction, Halla hurried from the stables with her head bent. Guilt swarmed, and then Lachlan was bustling in, carrying bedrolls, and additional packs of provisions. I didn’t miss how his wary stare cut between Theodore and me.

“Help me with these, Imogen,” Agatha said, gesturing to the food packs she held, then to the stall behind her where our second horse waited to be prepared.

She began filling a bag at the horse’s rump. She looked over her shoulder before whispering, “Let him help you.”

I tugged on the belt I wore. The trousers I’d borrowed from Theodore were too big and folded uncomfortably at the waist. The wool felt strange around my hips and thighs. “I don’t know what you mean,” I said, distractedly.

“Listen to me.” She glared, eyes deep with emotion. “You both seem determined to keep your horns locked, but that will only make what lies ahead harder. Let him help you. Let him comfort you and care for you.” She shoved down a rise of emotion. “The Mage Seer and her ritual are dangerous. If you try to go it alone, I fear you won’t come back.”

“Agatha—” I shook my head. “I’ll do my best.” Accepting his care would be difficult now that I knew it filled him with such resentment.

My gaze slipped across the aisle to Theodore. He wore a clean but dirt-stained brown shirt, with patched trousers and scuffed boots, claiming it was best to look unassuming in the Varian wildlands. The lack of finery did nothing to diminish him. In fact, I preferred him like this. With his waving hair catching the light, and his threadbare clothes draping over his lean muscles.

In silence, Agatha watched me. “I’ll warn you… it won’t be a clean separation.”

My attention snapped back to her. “What do you mean?”

She spoke in a whisper, brow rippled with empathy. “I see what’s between you two. It’s barbed and messy, but there’s something there.”

I bit at my lip, determined in my avoidance, and shoved the hem of my overly large shirt into my trousers.

Agatha’s look of empathy morphed quickly to one of harried pity. She huffed a breath. “Maybe you’ve deceived yourself, but not me. Not Lachlan either.”

“What does it matter?” I asked, tense and quiet. “He’s a king. And I’m…” I gave an angry laugh. “What am I? An orphan, a murderer. He’s going to be married to a princess who is beautiful and perfectly suited to him. And even if our circumstances were different…” An unbidden memory of Evander, bent and submerged in my tub, flashed through my mind. I rubbed my eye, wishing I could tear the memory out. “Theodore will bring me back from the Mage Seer alive, because it’s his duty to do so. Then I’ll say my goodbyes and be off on my final task.”

Agatha reached for me. “Imogen—”

I strode away, out into the stable yard where Theodore and Lachlan led the first horse. Agatha wanted to mine my emotions like they were jewels, precious and worth inspecting, but I was happy leaving them buried deep. I’d be damned if I complicated things further. “Are we ready?”

“Almost.” Lachlan strode past to retrieve the horses’ reins.

Out in the bright yard, Theodore didn’t even acknowledge me. He’d slipped deeper into some unyielding, stolid exoskeleton of despondency.

I shifted in discomfort. “Should we eat before we go?” I asked, trying to cut through the unease.

Theodore tested a saddle strap with a tug. “You can eat on the horse.”

I was tempted to meet his rough mood in equal measure. I raised my chin, then stopped. Perhaps… perhaps if I became like water—if I curved around him, wore him down—we might both survive the coming week. “That’s a good plan,” I replied, softly.