Into the Fading Twilight (Starlight Grove, #2) (68)

And I couldn’t. Not right now.

“Let’s go.” My words were strangled, as if a python had my vocal cords in its grip.

There was something in Kol’s hazel eyes. A flicker. But I didn’t care. He’d already shut me out.

And I didn’t care why. I needed to be alone anyway. Alone was safe.

No one could hurt me there.

It was a lesson I should’ve learned by now. From my parents. My brother. Travis.

So now, I wrapped alone around me like a blanket and held on tight.

“I’m parked on the street. That okay?” Kol’s voice was tight, but his eyes had already moved from my face.

“It’s fine.”

He jerked his head in a nod and started walking.

I chose to follow him. Not at his side but in his wake. At first, I stared at his back. But that was too hard.

I knew what it was to have those arms wrapped around me, those shoulders cocooning me. My gaze dropped to his feet. The heels of his scuffed hiking boots that he always wore beneath those tactical pants.

There was some brand name etched into the backs of those boots, but it was so worn I couldn’t make it out. Still, I made that my mission, studying the half letters until Kol slowed and opened his passenger door.

I could feel eyes on me as I climbed in. They scraped against me like brambles and claws. They tugged and pulled like they wanted to rip me apart.

A wave of dizziness hit me as I settled against the seat and struggled to get my seat belt into place. I still hadn’t secured it by the time Kol climbed in.

“Do you want me to—?”

“I’ve got it,” I clipped.

Hot tears pressed against the backs of my eyes, but I shoved them down, locked it all away. Alone. I needed to be alone.

Finally, the buckle clicked. I sat back against the seat, staring straight ahead and letting my eyes go unfocused as Kol reversed out of the spot. Only my blurry vision wasn’t helping now. Not one damn bit.

The dizziness was still there, and my muscles felt like they were on fire. I needed to move. To explode. To do something. Anything.

I struggled to keep a hold on it all as Kol drove out of town. He turned onto a back road and, a moment later, I recognized something familiar.

“Pull over,” I rasped.

“What?”

“Pull over.”

“We’re not back at the ranch.”

“PULL OVER!” I screamed the words so loudly I was sure Kol thought I was losing it—and maybe I was.

But he pulled his truck to the side of the gravel road. I flung open the door and leapt out, running toward familiar scenery.

I heard a curse behind me but ignored it and pushed on. My lungs burned as I hit the path I’d memorized over the past several months. It took me about five minutes to reach the cliff. But the moment it came into view, I started peeling off my clothes.

My shirt fluttered to the ground as the cold air wrapped around me.

“What the hell are you doing?” Kol barked.

I ignored him as I reached the edge. I toed off one shoe and then the other. My fingers dropped to the button on my jeans.

“Nova,” Kol said, his voice strained.

Not Phoenix. For whatever reason, I wasn’t Phoenix to him anymore.

That hurt more than I wanted to admit. But it didn’t matter. I would take care of myself.

“I’m alive.” My body shook as I whispered the words. “I’m alive.” My jeans fell to the dirt. “I’m alive.” I stepped out of them.

“Stop.” There was panicked command in Kol’s voice. “What are you doing?”

Something about the panic broke through, enough for me to look at him. When I did, I saw the fear there. Maybe he thought I was trying to end my life. I wasn’t. I was doing the opposite.

“I come here when it gets to be too much,” I explained. “It helps.”

Angry little furrows appeared between Kol’s dark brows. “You come here alone? And you … cliff jump?”

Apparently, what I said didn’t help. My anger surged then. “I take care of me.”

“Not damn well, apparently,” Kol snarled. “You could hurt yourself or a hell of a lot worse.”

I took a step toward the cliff’s edge. “It makes me feel alive.”

Kol’s hand shot out. “Don’t.”

“I have to,” I whispered.

He was already toeing off a boot. “You jump, I jump.”

That was ridiculous. He could supervise me from up here if he really wanted to. I took another step.

Kol tore off his tee. As it fluttered to the ground, I saw golden skin, muscle that rippled in a way that came from real use, not the gym. I saw a dusting of dark hair over a broad chest and two pieces of ink. Neither was overly large. On his left rib cage was a feather with Skylar etched in delicate script. On his right was a phoenix. Smoke and ash flew around it, and his brothers’ names were on different feathers. All four.

My gaze snapped to his face in question.

“We all have one. All of my brothers.”

It meant something, Kol calling me a name that was interwoven into the fabric of who he was. But it didn’t matter because that had been stolen from me, too.

I took another step backward. I needed to be away from him. I needed my alone time. I needed to breathe.