Lies and Weddings(105)
“The boathouse? Okay. I was going to look in on Augie.”
Hemsworth gave Rufus an apprehensive look. “I think you might want to see to Bea first…”
“Ah, Roger that.”
(IN THE BOATHOUSE…)
Bea was curled up on the sycamore Jean-Michel Frank daybed with cucumber slices over her eyes and a pot of ginger tea at her side when Rufus came in. Liam and Noel, the Irish setters, jumped up eagerly to greet Rufus.
“How’s tricks?” Rufus asked, sitting down at the foot of the daybed and petting the dogs.
“Throbbing migraine.”
“Sorry to hear that. Why aren’t you in bed?”
“Much more peaceful here than in the house,” Bea replied. “Thank heaven you’re back! It’s been a shit show around here, and I’ve been on the receiving end.”
“From Augie?”
“Mummy and Augie both.”
“Why?”
“Apparently it’s all my fault, because I didn’t tell them what happened at the Big Kahuna.”
“The Big Kahuna? I’m not following…”
“The day of the Town & Country photo shoot on that nude beach…”
“You mean Kehena Beach?”
“Yes, Kahuna Beach. There were these Japanese hipsters, this young couple doing shibari—you know, decorative rope bondage—right in front of everyone in the middle of the beach. They had the prime spot, and the photographer wanted them to move but Gopal Das said it was a public beach and they had every right to be there.”
“Okay…”
“Anyway, the fellow was very slowly and methodically tying his naked girlfriend against a large piece of driftwood, trussing her up like some pheasant. His rather thick-waisted girlfriend had the ugliest tattoo I’ve ever seen on her belly. It was some sort of fish creature, terribly naff—”
“I don’t understand what this has to do with Augie’s—”
“Be patient. So while Augie was getting her hair done in the makeup trailer, Maxxie started talking to the Japanese couple. He was inordinately curious about the bondage and was being rather friendly with them. You know how he is. Next thing I know, there he is, trying out a few knots on the girl.”
“So?” Rufus asked.
“Well, I witnessed all this, because they were shooting me just a few feet away from the couple and I had my back to the sea, so I could see everything that was happening. And I didn’t think to mention it to Augie until yesterday. So now everyone’s blaming me for Maxxie running off with some Chinese girl at Machu Picchu.”
Rufus gasped. “Maxxie ran off with another woman?”
“Yes!”
“In the midst of his honeymoon with Augie?”
“Yes! Apparently Augie got altitude sickness when she arrived in Cuzco, and by the time they got to Machu Picchu she was flat on her back. And meanwhile Maxxie was getting some other slapper flat on her back.”
“My god…poor Augie,” Rufus sighed, truly heartbroken for his sister.
“Poor Augie is right, but it’s not my fault she got altitude sickness and couldn’t defend her own turf.”
“Who’s saying it’s your fault?”
“Mummy, of course!” Bea groaned, so agitated that the cucumber slices slid off her eyes. She patted around till she found them and placed them back on her eyes before continuing, “Mummy said that Maxxie’s behavior on the nude beach was a warning sign that he had a roving eye, and I should have told them about it. I mean, it was the day before the wedding, we were rushing around from photo shoot to photo shoot and I’m trying to strike glamorous poses in my Molly Goddard dress while there were todgers flopping everywhere around me! I was bloody distracted! How was I supposed to know that Maxxie doing bondage with the Japanese hipsters would lead to him running off with some Chinese girl after the ayahuasca ceremony? I mean, Maxxie’s always had a thing for Asians. He’s even hit on me numerous times. He’s half Viking, don’t they try to shag everyone?”
Rufus sighed. “Okay, I’m going to Augie now.”
“I believe Gopal Das is with her, trying to stage an intervention. She hasn’t eaten in days and she’s in a very delicate state.”
“Duly noted.”
“Don’t tell them where I’m hiding.”
“I won’t.”
(IN LADY AUGUSTA’S SUITE…)
“Breathe through your feet,” Gopal Das instructed.
Augie lay on her yoga mat on the floor with a lavender sachet eye pillow strapped to her face, taking deep, heaving gasps.
“That’s it. Let the oxygen ground you to the earth. Connect with Gaia. Now repeat after me…My soul is safe.”
“My soul is safe…,” Augie chanted through her breaths.
“My soul is beautiful and strong…” Gopal Das lit some dried sage and began waving the smoke over Augie’s body.
“My soul is beau-ti-ful and”—she sobbed—“strong.”
“I will not be defined by who loves me…”
“I will not”—sob—“be defined by”—sob—“who…boo hoo hoo hoo.” Augie was overcome with tears. Rufus entered the room and she opened her eyes, looking at him like a pitiable tortoise stuck on its back. “Rufus!” she wailed.