Nobody in Particular(101)

“I will. I promise. I will.”

“Good luck with your parents. I’m sure they’ll come around. Eventually.”

Her smile is tight. Something tells me she doesn’t think I’m right.

“Can we still be friends?” she asks.

I think back to the taste of her. The feel of her face too close to mine. The twisting, repulsed sort of fear. My heart starts racing—both at the memory, and because of my answer. Because I hate conflict, and I hate hurting people, but I don’t deserve to be hurt, either.

“I don’t really think I want that,” I say. “Not right now.”

Harriet nods.

There. I said it. And I survived it, too.

“Do you hate me?” she asks.

“No,” I say honestly, and she nods again.

And for now, that’s that. I leave, and I don’t feel good, exactly. Mostly just sad, and anxious.

But at least I don’t feel regret.





FORTY-THREE

ROSE




Danni isn’t answering my texts, so I seek out Eleanor’s bedroom. Eleanor is just the person you want if you need someone to bounce ideas off, because she’s not particularly opinionated, but she is remarkably encouraging. When I arrive there, I find Molly already inside, which is all the better for me. If anyone has a vested interest in forming a plan to rescue Danni, it’s Molly.

“Danni told us what happened,” Molly says. She’s sitting in Eleanor’s desk chair, wearing her school uniform still. Eleanor’s already changed into jeans and a jumper.

“How are you doing?” Eleanor asks, sitting crossed-legged on her bed.

“Oh, wonderful,” I say, throwing myself on the floor to sit with my back to the mirrored wardrobe. “I have exciting news, actually. I’ve agreed to get engaged to Alfie.”

Eleanor drops her phone and bursts out laughing. Molly looks at me as though I’ve just announced I’m running away with the circus. “You what?”

“William drives a hard bargain,” I say. I try and fail to smile.

Eleanor, who seems to have only just realized I’m serious, sits up straighter. “In exchange for what?”

“In exchange for him speaking to the headmaster about Danni. Amongst some other things.”

Molly’s eyes are practically bursting out of their sockets. She begins to pace back and forth, waving her hands. Eleanor and I follow her frenzied pattern with our eyes. “No,” she says. “Nope. Bad idea. Terrible idea. Rose, you’re a lesbian.”

“Am I really? Why didn’t someone tell me earlier?”

“You can’t get married to Alfie! You can’t undo that kind of stuff. Not easily.”

“Is that so? And here I was thinking marriage was one of those easily reversed binding legal contracts.”

Molly gives me an exasperated glare. “I’m glad you think this is so funny,” she says. “Rose, seriously, don’t do this. Call William and tell him you aren’t marrying Alfie. Now.”

“I feel like you’re more upset about this than I am,” I say.

“I just found out my best friend’s sold herself off as a child bride, so yeah, I’m a bit upset.”

Eleanor snickers at this. I just lean against the mirror, my elbows resting on my knees. “That’s a little bit sensationalistic, don’t you think?”

“Don’t be a martyr.” Molly stares me down. She looks as though she’s about to cry.

I give a helpless shrug. “Does it really make a difference? Really? I was going to have to marry someone I don’t love sooner or later.” I can’t help laughing a little as I finish that sentence, and Molly looks even more alarmed. I get ahold of myself. “Danni will lose Bramppath if I don’t.”

“Which sucks. Of course it sucks. But, come on. Think about what you’re saying.”

“Does Alfie even want to marry you?” Eleanor asks.

But I barely hear Eleanor. Something about Molly’s words caught my attention. “So what you’re saying is it doesn’t matter if Danni gets expelled?” I ask slowly.

“I didn’t say it doesn’t matter—”

“Because it sounds like you’re saying you don’t want William to help her,” I continue.

“I don’t think it sounds like that,” Eleanor says meekly.

I ignore her. There’s something about Molly’s expression that’s bothering me.

“Not if it means you have to get engaged to someone you don’t want to be with,” Molly says, folding her arms.

“I have to sooner or later. Why not sooner?”

“We’re all gonna die sooner or later, too, but do you think we should hurry that up?”

“Danni’s supposed to be your friend,” I say. “Shouldn’t you be all for something that could stop her from getting expelled?”

Molly looks at Eleanor helplessly. Eleanor gives her a small, almost imperceptible shrug. “She is my friend,” Molly says. “But … come on, Rose, you and I have been friends for most of our lives. What do you want me to say here? That I don’t care if you screw up your future so Danni can stay? This is exactly the kind of thing I was worried about last week.”