Nobody in Particular(97)

“No, I get it,” I say.

The headmaster has a vaguely uncomfortable look on his face as he goes on. He looks almost nauseous, actually. “Now, as I’m sure you’re aware, the scholarship under which you attend Bramppath is subject to a number of conditions. The most pressing of which being that you agree to follow the school rules as outlined in our handbook. You would have received a copy of this along with your enrollment packet last year, correct?”

I do not like where this is going one bit. “Yeah,” I say, wary. “Yes.”

“I’m sure this goes without saying, but underage drinking while under the care of the school is a gross violation of the rules. And Bramppath College has a zero-tolerance policy in this area.”

My hand finds the hem of my cape, and I roll the material between my thumb and forefinger, trying to keep myself calm. “I’m really sorry about all of it,” I say, and I couldn’t be more honest. “I really, really am. I wish I could undo the whole night.”

“Yes, I rather imagine you do,” he says. He sounds sad and regretful. I don’t like that, either. “I know this has been a difficult week for you. I want you to know that you do have my sympathies.”

“Thank you. It means a—”

“Though I’m afraid I am about to add to the week’s difficulties.”

Please, don’t say it. Please don’t. Let him tell me he’s punishing me harshly. As harshly as he wants. Detentions every night, fine. Kitchen duty every Sunday for the rest of the year? I’ll take it on the chin. A suspension? It’ll suck, but I probably deserve it.

“I’m sorry to inform you that, based on this extreme—and public—breach of the school’s policies, we have no choice but to expel you from Bramppath. Your expulsion from class will be effective immediately, though you may use today and tonight to pack your things in preparation to leave tomorrow.”

This morning, it hadn’t seemed possible that things would get worse. I thought there was no way to feel any more terrible than I already did.

I was wrong.

“Please don’t,” I manage.

“The alumni association felt very strongly. It’s done, Danni.”

“Please undo it. Please. I haven’t broken any rules before, it was a mistake, and I’ve learned my lesson, really, I promise, I’ve been punished plenty—”

“Zero tolerance means zero tolerance. No exceptions.”

“You can punish me. I—I deserve to be punished. Anything you want, I’ll agree to it. But I have to stay. Caroline, and piano, and all my friends are here. Everyone I know in the whole country is here, sir.”

“You fit in quickly when you arrived here. I have every confidence you will do the same at your new school.”

But there won’t be a Molly at my new school. I’ll be joining a class full of strangers, who all know me as the girl who was outed online and then got herself expelled. Eleanor won’t be there. Rose won’t be there. I’ll be alone. Actually, totally alone, not just almost.

I can’t handle this. I’ve lost too much, and there hasn’t been enough time to catch my breath between it all. I can’t breathe.

“I’m sorry,” the headmaster says again.

I almost don’t hear him at all.



* * *



Instead of going to my room to pack like the headmaster wanted, I make a beeline for the bathroom block nearest to the class I just left and text Rose to meet me there. She saw me get taken out of class, and I’m sure she was wondering what it was all about, so she reads the message right away. While I wait, I grip the edge of the sink and try to slow down my breathing, but it gets faster and faster the more I try. Then the tears come.

By the time Rose gets there, I’m pretty much hysterical. There’s a half wall separating the sinks from the doors, so we’d have time to separate if anyone walked in on us, which is good enough for Rose, I guess, because she swoops in to wrap me up in her arms as soon as she sees me.

“Hey, hey, what happened?”

“I’m expelled, he says I’m expelled, and I have to go, I have to leave tomorrow, he said I have to go pack now.”

“Wait, slow down.”

“It was something to do with the, um, the alumni association, and he kept saying he’s sorry, but there’s nothing he can do, and I’m expelled. He said it’s done and it’s too late, and I can’t leave, Rose. I can’t. I can’t.”

I trail off into a high-pitched keening as she tightens her grip on me. “Okay,” she says, her voice soothing and honeyed. “You’re not getting expelled. You’re going to call your mum, and then you’re going to have a shower or something, and you’re gonna put on a movie or read a book and distract yourself. I’m going to handle this.”

“N-no, I can’t, I have to pack. He said I have to leave tomorrow. I—my whole room, I—”

“You’re not going anywhere,” she says, holding my face so I look right at her. Her green eyes scan mine, and there’s a self-assurance in them that makes me want to believe her. But I don’t know how to.

“I don’t think this is fixable,” I say.

“No? Watch me.” She pulls out a wad of paper towels and dabs them on my cheeks. “I don’t want you to spend another second worrying about this, okay? You’re with me, and I’ve got you, and I’m telling you I’m not going to let this happen. Do you trust me?”