Nobody in Particular(82)
“Rose,” Molly says in horror.
But I can’t stop. The anger has a mind of its own, and it feels so wonderfully cathartic, I give myself over to it. “You’re done. You won’t sit with us, you won’t look at us, you won’t have the audacity to speak to us. Any of us. You can find new friends to harass and sexually assault, and whoever has the misfortune to inherit you is not going to hear a word from you about what you did to her. If anyone asks why you’re suddenly alone, I want you to tell them we grew tired of your endless inane questions, and your humiliating lack of boundaries, and your insistence upon over-explaining concepts everyone understood the first time.”
I watch with vicious satisfaction as Harriet transitions from wounded, to devastated, to furious. I want to goad her further, to find the insult that lands just right. To tip her over the edge, so she snaps at me, and gives me a good reason to properly snap back. I want to rip her apart for touching Danni. I want to destroy her.
“Rose,” she says, very slowly. “Calm down. Your girlfriend didn’t kiss me back.”
Several things happen at once. I spring forward, finally losing control of myself altogether, at the same moment Eleanor leaps to hold me in place with all her body weight. Theodore places himself swiftly between me and Harriet, while Molly whirls on Harriet and shoves her, firmly, out of the room, whispering something unintelligible but jagged-sounding as she does. And behind me, Danni calls out urgently. “Rose.”
At the sound of Danni’s voice, I fall limp in Eleanor’s grip.
Molly is staring at me with something akin to horror. Or perhaps it could better be described as unrecognizing. She’s closed the door behind her and is standing pressed against it, almost as though she’s trying to put as much space between us as she can. When Eleanor releases me, I discover she’s looking at me in much the same way.
“Where did that come from?” Molly asks me, and I don’t have an answer.
I’ve never lost control before. I’ve never even allowed myself to feel enough of anything to come close.
Not anger, not sadness, and certainly not fear. Not like that.
Wordlessly, I wrench my eyes away from them and go to Danni.
She’s squeezing her eyes closed, and breathing heavily. “Rose,” she whispers. “I just want to go home. Can you take me home, please?”
“To school?” I ask.
“Yeah.”
“Of course.” Grunting, I help her sit up, and she takes a second to catch her breath, looking up at me pitifully.
“We have to go past people at the party,” she says.
“Yes.”
“Don’t leave me, though. Please?”
My stomach sinks. I place a hand on the side of her face, wishing I could take back leaving her in the first place. “Never again.”
* * *
It takes Theodore and me working together to get Danni down the stairs, but after that she’s able to walk by herself, if shakily. As far as I can see, no one at the party even notices us.
“Are you mad at me?” Danni asks when we pass the front gate.
I hug my hands around my chest and shiver against the wet wind. “Of course not. Not at all.”
“You got so angry. I’ve never seen you angry.” She stumbles as she narrowly misses a tree on the sidewalk, and I shoot out a hand to steady her.
“You’re extremely drunk, and you didn’t want to kiss her,” I say. “She’s lucky I wasn’t there when she did it. We might have seen how angry I can really get.”
Danni giggles. Oh, she thinks I’m joking.
“You,” she says, turning her face to me, “are my favorite person. Do you know that? My favorite person in the world.”
I wipe away a rivulet of rain running down her cheek with my thumb. “Walk faster,” I say, hiding my smile. “It’s freezing.”
When we reach Bramppath I place a finger to my lips and hold tightly to Danni as we steal through the courtyard. Despite the fact that half the school is at the party, officially, we’re not meant to be out nearly this late. Although I’m sure the headmaster is resigned to the fact that the party would be running late, and he can’t exactly suspend half the student body, I don’t intend to find out what happens if he catches Danni and me alone, laid on a platter to be made examples of.
As soon as we make it to the top of the staircase, with Theodore’s help once more, Cora, my residential assistant, pokes her head around her door to check on the source of all the creaking. I remember Harriet mentioning earlier she gave Cora her phone, which means Cora is responsible for both floors tonight. I anticipate she’ll have a busy night ahead of her.
“God, she’s in a right state isn’t she?” she says, nodding at Danni, who lets out an impatient sigh. It would seem Cora is greatly inconveniencing her. The same Cora who is helpfully pretending not to notice the fact that we’ve clearly returned after a night of underage drinking, well past curfew.
“Danni,” I scold. “Shh.”
“I am being quiet. You’re … the … being loud.”
“Oh dear.” Cora grins.
I give Cora my best pleading look. “Do you mind if I look after her tonight?” I ask. It’s absolutely pushing our luck, given sleepovers are strictly forbidden, but I can’t not ask. Frankly, even if Cora says no, I’ll simply sneak into Danni’s room the moment she’s vanished; however, I would like her permission all the same.