Nobody in Particular(87)

“Eleanor, don’t make this worse,” Molly says, closing the door.

“Are you gay?” Eleanor asks. “Or were you just messing around with Harriet?”

“Okay, we need to have a discussion about tact,” Molly interrupts. “It’s clearly out of your grasp today.”

“I’m bi, okay?” I snap. The words are metallic on my tongue. I’m so freaking nauseous. I’m not sure if it’s the situation or the hangover. Probably both.

Eleanor puffs out her cheeks. “You know, I wouldn’t have called it,” she says after a long silence. “You don’t seem into girls.”

Rose takes my hand calmly, threading our fingers together. “Is that the case, Eleanor? What does that seem like, pray tell? Me?”

Eleanor laughs. “No.” Then something must click because she does a double take at Rose like a cartoon character or something. It’d be funny if this weren’t the worst thing I’ve ever lived through. “No? No!”

Rose leans an elbow on the bed next to me. “You know,” she says to me, as casual as if she was bringing up what she ate for breakfast. “I think we did a better job at hiding than we ever gave ourselves credit for.”

I gape at her. As far as I knew she’d had no intentions of coming out to anyone else anytime soon. Did she just do it to take the spotlight off me? Even if she could only do that here, in our little group?

Eleanor shoots an accusing look at Molly, like she’s asking if she knew this. Molly gives a quick nod, and Eleanor slumps to sit next to her on the floor. “Well,” she says. “This is … different.”

“Different from what, you?” Rose asks in a warning voice, her expression suddenly hard.

Eleanor holds her hands up in surrender. “I don’t mean it like that. You just have to give me a second, okay? I’ve known you for years and this is kind of a bombshell.”

“It kind of doesn’t affect you,” Molly mutters.

And, oh my god, I can’t help it. I burst out laughing. All three girls look at me as though I’ve officially lost it. Maybe I have. Here comes the prophesized nervous breakdown. “Oh, shit,” I cackle, wiping a tear away with my fist.

Rose’s phone starts ringing. She throws it clean across the room like it burned her, and I laugh even harder. “Answer it, you idiot,” I force out.

Looking like she’d rather answer a ringing rattlesnake, she retrieves it. “It’s William,” she says.

Molly swears in a low voice and Eleanor pulls a sympathetic face. Rose sighs and answers it, leaving the room. I guess she doesn’t want me to hear whatever William has to say. Which, obviously, only makes me want to hear it more.

We can hear her just outside the door, but her voice is too muffled to make much out. I sit up in bed, staring at my hands, because I can’t bring myself to look at the other two right now.

“So how long?” Eleanor asks.

Nowhere near long enough for it to be over already. “On and off since November.”

“November?”

“Pretty much.” My cheeks are so hot I’m pretty sure they’re glowing molten.

“And Harriet? She’s like that, too?” Eleanor directs this one at Molly. “What, did we meet all our friends at a gay-straight alliance I’ve forgotten about or something?”

“People are gay sometimes, Eleanor,” Molly says. Eleanor stares at her a little too long, and she rolls her eyes. “I didn’t mean me.”

“Well, can you blame me for wondering?” Eleanor asks. “And how long has Rose been queer?”

“Since birth, I would imagine,” Molly replies dryly.

Eleanor shrugs. “I just want to get up to speed. I just found out I’ve been third-wheeling two of my best friends for half the school year and I want to figure out how I missed it. And why am I the only one who didn’t know?”

Rose reenters the room, her face grim. “It’s a media circus on the front grounds,” she says. “They’re interviewing every student they can get their hands on. Apparently, the headmaster’s sent them away twice and they keep coming back.”

“What do you think they’re saying?” I ask, feeling numb.

“We’ll go out there,” Eleanor said. “Me and Molly. It’s better if they speak to us than the other students, right?”

Rose flops on the end of the bed. “It depends what Danni wants us to say.”

“Us?” Molly repeats, sounding confused.

“Me?” I croak.

“You. This is about you.”

“This is about us. You know you’ll be brought up, Rose.”

Rose nods tersely. Oh, she knows. This is the part where she tells me what I’m cleared to say about her, right? My orders of the day from the palace?

“It is about us,” she agrees. “But it’s mostly about you. What do you want to say?”

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t surprised, and I take my time responding. I want to make sure I’m totally, definitely sure before the words leave my mouth. “I’m not going to fight it,” I say. “You can tell them I’m bi.”

As soon as the words leave my mouth, I realize that’s not what I want. Since the start of all this, I’ve had barely any control. I’ve been forced to hide my relationship with Rose. Dragged along to surprise double dates. Kissed by Harriet. Outed by whoever took that video of us. So, even though the thought of talking to a bunch of reporters about something this personal makes me want to pass out, or puke, or both, I have to. Something about this has to be in my control. So, I tell the girls I want to speak for myself. Rose gives me a super long look—like she isn’t sure I’m in my right mind—but she doesn’t argue.