Out On a Limb(72)

“You won’t.”

“I might! Because I keep forgetting a lot of things, apparently! Like, for example, the fact that Bo is most likely still in love with your sister-in-law. That night we spent together meant something to us both, but that’s just it. It was a night. He was with Cora for years. And even though she broke his heart and left him during the worst possible time of his life, he still cares for her. Still. That loyalty. That… type of connection… I can’t expect him to feel more for me after just a few months of being thrust into this situation together. I can’t live with the thought that he might wish I was her. That I was just the available option.”

Sarah sighs, her eyes held on me as her chest falls. “Win…”

“No, it’s fine. I’ve got it handled.”

“Win… you’ve got to talk to him.”

“I can’t,” I whisper, my voice breaking. “I can’t do it again. I can’t talk to him. I can’t put my heart on another platter and expect a different result.”

“Just, tell me this. What is your worst-case scenario?” she asks, her eyes heavy and lips pouted in concentration. “A year from now, you wake up and…” she adds, waving me on.

That’s the scary thing. At first, I wanted to answer that it was letting Bo in, just to be proven right. A type of right I’d never want to be. That he’d be careless with my heart and my feelings, and that a year from now, I’d wake up and realise I’d done it again—fallen for the wrong type of man. But that’s no longer it.

The worst-case scenario is not having found out what being with Bo could be like.

“Seeing Bo in love with someone else. That he’ll have a beautiful girlfriend who loves my kid too, and they’ll take them for walks on the beach, and dance in his dining room, and—and I’ll be somewhere else. Alone. Missing him. Missing what could have been. Realising that he was ready to move on… and I wasn’t his first choice.”

“Do you really think Bo would let it play out that way if he knew? Because, from where I’m standing, that man looks at you like you hung the moon. More than that. The sun too. I’ve never seen anyone look at another person like that.”

“I don’t think he’d intend to hurt me,” I whisper, mostly to myself. “But we don’t know if he feels the same. I don’t know if it’s just… attraction.”

“It’s not lust in his eyes, Win. It’s so much more than that.”

“What if it’s just hormones? What if it’s just some primal, lizard part of my brain telling me to stay close to the man I procreated with? What if I pop this baby out, and suddenly, he’s some intolerable toad?”

“Do you seriously think that, Win? That women are just skin suits operated by poor instinct and hormones?” She rolls her eyes, sitting straighter—in a man’s wide-spread posture. “Women are too emotional,” Sarah says in a deeper voice. “They can’t be in charge when their bodies make them go crazy once a month.”

“No,” I say pointedly, glaring at her.

“And why are we acting like his emotions should dictate yours? I’m asking what you feel. Not him.”

“Right. Yeah,” I respond weakly.

“So say it. Say it out loud. Be honest with yourself and me.”

I take a deep breath in, straightening my shoulders. Still, my voice comes out soft and timid. “I love Bo.”

“Even if he’s in love with someone else?”

“Yes,” I say, pathetic as it may be.

“Even if he’s not ready to love you back the same?”

I nod, staring up at the ceiling as I place my hands on my neck. “But isn’t that beyond stupid?”

“Love is stupid, Win,” she says softly. “So what are you going to do about it?”

I crumple into myself with a pathetic whine. “Do you really think he looks at me like that? You’d truly bet—”

“I do, Win. I do, and I love it so much.” Sarah reaches out, untangling my arms folded tight against my chest. She grips both of my hands and holds them. “You deserve this!” she says, shaking me a little until I smile for her, as forced as it may feel. “And I know this is also a pregnant thing, but you’re glowing. You seem so much lighter. When you two stepped in here together, it wasn’t like it was a few months ago. Then, it was like two people with chemistry and a sexy secret. Now, you look like the real deal.”

“I’m scared,” I whisper, crinkling my nose as we hold eye contact lightly.

“I know,” Sarah says, brushing her thumb over the back of my hand. “But I think if you ask him, he’ll be gentle with your heart.”

I nod, inhaling deeply.

“I also think you’re not that girl with the silver platter anymore. You’ve grown past that version of yourself. And I think assholes like Jack would take anyone as kind as you and try to twist them into something ugly. That’s what people like him do. It isn’t your fault you tried to see the best in him. Or that you didn’t want to be alone. You’ve gotta forgive yourself for that.”

I roll my eyes up, feeling a tear slip out. “Fucking hell,” I whimper, half laughing.

“Too much?” Sarah asks, laughing softly at me.