Plot Twist(79)

To his surprise, she wrapped an arm around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder. He released a relieved breath at the feel of her fitted perfectly against him.

“You didn’t throw anything away,” she said. “I’m here. Poppy’s here. Chris is here. We’re all here for you.”

When he didn’t say anything, she pressed him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He rubbed at one of his eyes, willing himself to not be hungover. But he knew that was useless. And yes, he did want to talk about it. All of it. So long as it was with her. He was done keeping things from Sophie.

“My mom...” he said despairingly.

Sophie filled in after an extended silence, “I’m so sorry she did that to you.” She wrapped her fingers through his and held him steady.

“In her own twisted way, she thought she was helping me. That’s the fucked-up part.” His lips twitched, and he blew out a breath. “I guess, looking back, I always had a kind of tendency to try to handle everything on my own. I didn’t like to ask for help, so people never really knew when I was in trouble. And I started to drink a lot because I was convinced that drinking made me a more interesting person. I was so sure that no one liked me when I was sober and that drinking brought out this fun, charming part of me. The part that my mom always wanted me to have, and that Reece and my dad have naturally. When I drank, I felt like I’d become the Montrose she and everyone else expected me to be. I was loud and cracked jokes and stayed out all night partying. It became this sort of crutch, like, I needed to drink to be worthy of my own last name. And without a drink, I was just Dash.”

He had never fully told this part of his story to anyone—just snippets so he didn’t reveal too much of himself. Now that Sophie knew, though, he felt like a poison had been drained from him. He was lighter.

“Just Dash is who I like best.” She gave him a soft smile and scratched his back with her nails. “What made you get sober?”

He took in a deep breath. He never had liked thinking about this moment. “For movies, you have to get a physical so they can take out insurance and make sure that if anything happens on set, you’re in tip-top health. And I was about to start this movie that I was really excited for. It was another indie film and a role I really felt like I understood. My mom hated it, of course—she always thinks indies aren’t worth anyone’s time. But when I was with the doctor doing the exam, they ran some bloodwork and did a physical. At my follow-up, she told me that my liver was starting to fail, and if I didn’t stop drinking, I would die by the time I was fifty.”

“Oh, my God,” Sophie breathed out.

“I just... That really sobered me up, for lack of a better phrase.” He reached for the now-cool mug of coffee on his nightstand and took a needed sip. “I didn’t want to die. I don’t know, I just had this massive wake-up call, and I went to an AA meeting later that day. I was drunk when I showed up, but it’s where I met Chris.”

Sophie tightly gripped his hand, which reminded him that she shouldn’t even be there with him. She should stay as far away as possible from his chaos. He loosened his grip on her.

“You don’t have to do this,” he said. “You can leave. I’ll be okay.”

But would he be okay? He wasn’t totally sure. He just forced himself to say the words so she’d have an easy out.

“I’m not leaving.” She was a little more forceful with her tone than usual.

“Why are you being nice to me?” He shook his head as he looked at her. “I left you and drove to a bar and got drunk yesterday. That should scare you. You should want to run from me.”

He hadn’t been mad at her, not until that moment when she was making the dumbest mistake of her life by trusting him. Again. He had to talk her out of wanting to be by his side.

But she brushed the hair from his face and grabbed his shoulder, squeezing so hard that he started to say ouch.

“Listen to me, Dash Montrose.” Sophie’s eyes went wide. “I’ve been waiting my whole life for you, just as you are. And if you think I’m going to walk away because of one mistake, then you’re wrong. Despite everything, I trust you. I always have. And I trust that if you make more mistakes, we’ll figure them out together.” Then she released his shoulder and smoothed a hand over her bun. “Now, hurry up and pack so you can say a proper goodbye to Rain Boots and Richard.”

Sophie walked toward his bedroom door, but he hated watching her go.

“Soph?” She turned, and her expression changed from steadfast to open. He knew this was the moment when he had to tell her his feelings, whether either of them were ready or not. He stood and moved to her, so they were just a few inches apart as he began to talk.

“This is going to be hard. It’s an everyday, every minute kind of thing for me. And now that I’ve relapsed, I...” He shook his head, so deeply regretting his choice but not being able to do anything about it either. You chose to drink, he thought, but now he’d choose to do better for her. “I didn’t think I would ever drink again, but I did. And I don’t know how to promise you that it won’t happen. I really hope I don’t relapse again. And I will try every day not to drink, but I have no idea how I’ll be in a week, or a month, or a few years. This won’t be easy. Staying sober has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. But I want to work at it with you, because I want to be with you forever. And I know you aren’t ready to say those words back yet, but I love you, Soph. I fell in love with you unexpectedly, but I plan to keep loving you fiercely.”