Plot Twist(81)
“In this life, but what about the next one?”
“Fingers crossed.” Sophie crossed her fingers and held them up, and then Poppy wrapped her in the biggest and warmest of Poppy hugs. Sophie hugged her back, enjoying her head resting in between her friend’s cleavage. “I really missed the boob hugs.”
“They missed you, too.”
36
DASH
Chris drove the DADG ERS station wagon to Dash’s house and helped load up luggage into the back. There was no waiting a day or two to let life settle back to normal. The rehabilitation center options were ones that could take Dash immediately, so he could start recovery again as soon as possible.
There was the one in Santa Barbara that focused on healing through meditation and spirituality, another in Austin with an emphasis on equine therapy, and one in the hills of LA that operated as a working farm with combined group and individual therapy. Dash had always been someone who needed to keep busy as part of recovery, so he’d chosen to be a farmer.
When the car was loaded, Dash hugged Poppy, who assured him of her plans to disown Kitty, despite his protests that his problems weren’t hers. Then he turned to Sophie and held her close. Sophie slipped a piece of paper into his hands and whispered into his ear, “Open that when you need some company.” She gently pecked him on the cheek, and he closed his eyes to savor the feel of her against him.
He slipped the paper into the pocket of his jeans as he got into the car with Chris. In a way, he was relieved to be in a safe place: he couldn’t have another drink if he was with his sponsor or at rehab. And he didn’t trust himself not to drink now that he’d slipped.
“Did you and Sophie get a chance to talk about visitation at the rehab center?” Chris asked as he pulled out of the driveway.
“We didn’t exactly have a lot of time.” Dash shot Chris a look. He wanted to glance back to see Sophie, but watching her fade into the distance would be too painful. “I’m not sure what’s going to happen. I told her I loved her. But I’m not sure she feels the same way.”
“I once got hit in the eye with a foul ball, but even I can see that she’s in love with you.” Chris smirked.
“She didn’t say it back.” He knew, logically, that Sophie had a problem with saying those three words, but it didn’t stop the pain he’d felt when she hadn’t returned the sentiment.
“You know that annoying saying, actions speak louder than words?” As they hit a red light, Chris turned in his seat to look at Dash. “Sophie stayed with you in your room all last night to watch you sleep and make sure you didn’t get sick. Did you know that? If that’s not love, then what do you call that?”
Dash had not known that she’d stayed up with him the night before, but of course she had. She was Sophie. “She said she needs time.”
“Then, be a good listener and give her time.” Chris shook his head. “You think Mira was just convinced to spend the rest of her life with me because I have The Rock’s pecs and Christopher Meloni’s ass? No. I had to work every day to convince her that life with me would be fun. Hell, I learned how to make latte art so I can surprise her every morning with a new drawing. And you know I’m not artistic!”
“Well, I’m pretty sure that by relapsing, I did the opposite of showing her how fun I can be.” Dash landed back against the seat with a thud.
“Okay, I’m about to pull some action-movie shit.” Chris dramatically turned the wheel of the car and pulled over to the side of the road.
“What are you doing?” Dash asked as Chris killed the car engine.
Chris clapped a hand on Dash’s shoulder with a grip firm enough to remind him he’d once played major league baseball. “You are not your drinking. You don’t have to live the rest of your life alone just because you made a choice to drink yesterday. You’re always going on about choosing. And guess what, you can choose to allow yourself happiness or to be miserable. That is your choice. But don’t say Sophie doesn’t love you. She does. Love is a word, but more importantly, love is action. She has shown you over and over again that she loves you. What she did these last twenty-four hours? That is love.”
Dash’s mouth pinched closed as he held back all the reasons why he wasn’t good enough for Sophie and never would be. Instead, he deflected. “You and Mira are different. You are a better person than I am.”
“If you want to tell yourself that so you can feel good about shutting Sophie out, then be my guest.” Chris held his hands up in surrender. “But you forget that I didn’t retire from the Dodgers, I got fired. And not just for drinking—for being so drunk that I pissed in the mascot’s uniform.”
“Sort of funny,” Dash admitted.
“And then shit in the umpire’s hat.”
Dash held back a laugh. “Still funny.”
“We are not different, Dash. I’ve just worked to forgive myself, while you’re not there yet. You continue to punish, but don’t be like Kitty. Be your own best friend. You have to be, otherwise you’re going to lose the woman you love.”
Dash stared at Chris and knew his friend wasn’t just saying these things to try to make him feel better. Chris genuinely believed in Dash. But Dash couldn’t yet see a world where he’d believe in himself.