Rewind It Back (Windy City, #5)(95)

“You have every right to hate me, Hal. You have every right to believe that I forgot about you, but I didn’t. Not one day went by that I didn’t think of you. You were everywhere. In the music I listened to. In the house I live in. I tried to compare every single person I met to you, but there was no comparison. And I will spend the rest of my life regretting leaving you behind all those years ago.”

There’s no point in telling him I forgive him or asking him to forgive himself right now. Anything I say will fall on deaf ears. He won’t be able to hear me take responsibility for my part in our breakup, or when I tell him I don’t blame him for something he didn’t know about. He’s just going to be hard on himself for a while.

Instead, I go into his closet, retrieve the black cardboard box I found last week, and set it on the nightstand.

His eyes flick to it as I open the lid.

“Rio, I know you didn’t forget about me.”

He studies the box for a minute, and I’m hoping he’s not going to be so hard on himself right now that he brushes this off. To anyone else, him keeping these might seem like no big deal, but to me, this is our everything. Not just the songs, but the moments they represent too.

“Come here,” he says, tugging at my hand to pull me onto his lap.

I go willingly, thankful that he’s open to this conversation.

“When we were in New York, you asked me why I never upgraded that old boombox. Do you remember that?”

I nod.

“This is why,” he says. “I didn’t have any other way to play the tapes and CDs, and not playing them wasn’t an option for me. For years, I’ve taken this fucking boombox everywhere with me. Held on to it, like if I could keep rewinding and replaying these moments we had, then maybe it wasn’t over.” He pulls a random cassette tape out of the box, running his thumb over the inked heart. “I don’t want it to be over, Hallie.”

Using the tip of his finger, he covers the tail of that overdrawn heart, and it makes me want to cry. Not from sadness or painful nostalgia. But from hope.

Hope that now that everything is on the table, maybe we can move forward.

I lean my head on his shoulder. “I can’t believe you kept them all this time.”

“Well, I know that technically, these are your best memories, but they’re mine too. Meeting on that roof, listening to music. Getting the opportunity to fall in love with you is my best memory, and all I can do is hope that one day you’ll let me do it again.”





Chapter 30


Hallie


Age 18

“Hey, Dad,” I whisper, closing the front door behind me.

He’s sitting on the couch, reading a book, and waiting for me to get home as I knew he would be.

“Hey, Hallie girl. Did you have a good time?”

I try to put on my best smile. “It was all right. I think maybe the idea of senior prom was a little more exciting than the execution.”

Mostly because I didn’t get to go with the person I wanted to. Rio had the last final of his freshman year of college today and couldn’t make it back to Boston in time, so I went with my platonic guy friend instead. It just wasn’t what I had always pictured prom would look like.

“Well, you look beautiful,” my dad continues. “I can’t believe you’re almost done with high school.”

“Dad, don’t get all sappy on me now. At least let me get to graduation before that.”

He smiles at me, but it’s kind of sad and I know that all he’s thinking about right now is that in a few short months, I’ll be off to college, just like Luke. He and my mom will officially be empty nesters, but the DeLucas next door already are, so at least they’ll have each other.

“Where’s Luke?” I ask.

My brother’s lacrosse season is still in full swing, but they play Boston College tomorrow, so he’s home for the night.

“He went out to catch up with some old friends he hadn’t seen in a while, but he was in a foul mood when he left. I have no idea what’s up with him.”

“Weird. I’ll check in with him tomorrow and make sure he’s okay.”

“Please do.”

“Well, I’m going to get some sleep.”

“All right, Hallie girl. Love you.”

“Love you too.” Halfway up the stairs, I turn back and ask, “Hey, Dad, do you want to go get breakfast tomorrow? Just the two of us, before Luke’s game?”

His previously sad smile turns up at the corners. “I’d love that. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Slipping my heels off, I carry them the rest of the way to my room. The house is quiet tonight, like it’s been all year. Without my brother around, without Rio here, it’s just . . . quiet.

Senior year was fine, I suppose. I hung out with my friends and did all the high school activities you’re supposed to do in your final year, but I spent most of the time counting down the days to when Rio would be home for his breaks. Unfortunately, it wasn’t very often with his college hockey season running straight through from October to April.

His visit for Christmas only lasted forty-eight hours because of their game schedule. He was traveling for hockey during his spring break, and of course, I already knew he wouldn’t make it home for my birthday.