Saving Rain(56)

So, with a little hesitation and a heavy exhale of anxiety, I picked up where I’d left off. “Okay, um … well, I had gotten into some shit with this random guy. I didn’t really know him. He … I dunno … he had given me a look or something, so I made a stupid, nasty comment, and—in any case, I got thrown into the hole for a week, which was …”

It didn’t take much thinking to put my mind back in that deafening, maddening cell of dark despair. The soul-crushing silence and solitude were, in itself, enough to drive a man toward insanity if he wasn’t already there.

I shook the thought away and continued, “Anyway, I was in a bad place, and when I got out of there, it was worse. I thought more about Billy than I ever had, which is saying a lot, considering I thought about him pretty constantly, and it was driving me out of my mind. I felt like whatever I got in there, I deserved, so I was intentionally trying to mess stuff up for myself. Got into fights, got more time in solitary, and after a few months of that went by, Harry finally confronted me and asked what the hell I was doing. He told me he’d seen some real pieces of shit in that place and he had never thought of me as one, so it was about time I pulled my head out of my ass before I got myself more unnecessary time. So, I listened.”

Ray rewarded me with a warm smile. “And the rest is history.”

“The rest is history,” I concluded as the waiter brought our appetizers.

***

Later, she asked, “When you were a kid, what did you dream your life would be?”

I told her very plainly, albeit depressingly, “I didn’t dream of anything. I just hoped my grandparents would live forever, but they didn’t.”

A wave of melancholy washed over her as she slowly popped a piece of grilled chicken into her mouth.

Then, she asked, “Okay, one more for now. Who was your best friend, growing up?”

And I answered simply, “Billy.”

That startled her, and I bit back the urge to confirm that, yes, I had inadvertently killed my best friend.

“I’m so sorry,” she said instead of saying the obvious, and I appreciated her response so much more.

Nobody had ever been sorry before.

Nobody ever was for the villain.

“Okay, my turn.” I rubbed my hands together, determined to make this at least somewhat interesting. “Um … so, why did you move to River Canyon?”

The steady connection of her green eyes was suddenly broken as she dropped her gaze to the plates of stuffed mushrooms and crab cakes. The hard, heavy swallows, shifting the muscles in her throat, told me I had made a mistake by asking. She clearly didn’t want to talk about it, and I made the safe assumption that it had something to do with Seth and his pals over in our old stomping grounds.

“The same reason as you,” she finally replied after a few long moments of silence, bringing her gaze, now shrouded in pain and sadness, back to mine. “A fresh start.”

***

Dinner was filled with food I wished I’d never tasted, only for the fact that I knew I would miss it every other night I couldn’t have it. The conversation between us flowed freely and easily, pieced together by lingering looks and flighty, sometimes-nervous laughter. It felt good to see that our connection surpassed the physical and wasn’t just through Noah, his infectious personality, and a brief but impactful meeting in our past.

Somewhere around the time dessert was brought to the table, I realized that, wow, this was real. Like, this—me, in a nice restaurant, with a pretty woman who genuinely liked me—was happening. And I would go home afterward to my own place—one I was growing prouder of by the day—to hopefully dream of this night and pray that it would happen again.

Ray extended her foot, resting it beside mine beneath the table, as she dived into the fudge brownie sundae we’d decided to share, and out of nowhere, a wave of bittersweet sorrow came over me, joining the awe I couldn’t shake, as I hoped Gramma and Grampa could see me now. I hoped they were proud that, despite it all, I’d still managed to find myself here, knowing the goodness in me had come from them and them alone.

“So, I have another question,” Ray said before bringing the loaded spoon to her mouth.

My eyes focused on her lips wrapping around the metal utensil, pursing and pulling. A drop of hot fudge remained in the corner of her mouth, and I salivated at the thought of licking it away. To taste the chocolate mingling with the taste of her.

I swallowed repeatedly at the lust bubbling deep in my gut and lower, cleared my throat, and grabbed my own spoon. “Yeah?”

Her cheeks reddened as she hesitated. “Okay, I …” She laughed and shook her head, laying a hand against her face. “God, I don’t even know how to ask this …”

As my spoon dug into the mountain of ice cream and brownie, I shrugged. “Come on. I’m an open book. Ask me anything.”

She blew out a breath. “Okay, okay, okay, um …” She inhaled, closing her eyes, then opened them to pierce me with an apologetic gaze. “Have you ever … been with anyone before?”

Fucking hell. I didn’t mean to laugh at the question, but with my mouth wrapped around the spoon, I snorted through my nose and chuckled from deep in my chest. Ray was instantly embarrassed, groaning and covering her eyes as she tried to suppress her grin and shook her head.

“I’m sorry. It was dumb.”