Shadows of You (Lost & Found #4)(109)

I’d been working hard in therapy for the past five years. Doing every exercise my therapist recommended and slowly increasing my tolerance for difficult things. I’d managed to finish college, get a good job as a nanny, and even take a trip on my own. These mountains had been my favorite place in the world. I wanted to reclaim them.

And the truth was, when I first saw them again through my windshield, I hadn’t felt anxiety. I’d felt wonder.

“That’s very brave of you, but—”

A dark brown hand clamped down on my brother’s shoulder in a squeeze, cutting off Emerson’s words. The gesture was affectionate and a warning all at once.

Adrian’s face filled the screen, then a wide grin spread across it. “How’s our girl?”

I sent him a grateful smile. “Good.”

“Have you explored the town at all yet? I looked it up yesterday, and it’s absolutely adorable.”

My fingers gripped the comforter, twisting. “Not yet. I’m pretty tired from all the driving.”

Or scared.

I’d order pizza and have it delivered to my room when dinner rolled around, and would have my pepper spray in hand when it arrived.

“I’m just going to rest tonight, but I’ll go out to get some breakfast tomorrow.” I’d give myself today, but if I stayed in this room much longer, I knew I’d never leave. Which would mean I’d miss my interview, and Emerson might really have to come and get me.

“I saw an adorable little coffee shop and café online called The Brew. Has all the Alice in Wonderland feels,” Adrian suggested. “It’s right downtown.”

I nodded my head for far too long, probably looking like some deranged bobblehead doll. “I’ll check it out and report back.”

Adrian’s amber eyes glowed with pride. “Try one of the double chocolate muffins for me. They look like heaven.”

My mouth curved in a hint of an authentic smile. “I think I can handle that.”

“What time is your interview tomorrow?” Emerson cut in.

“Ten.” My stomach did a series of somersaults. All I knew about the family was that they had three boys aged six, thirteen, and sixteen and needed help Monday through Friday with an occasional emergency thrown in.

“I don’t know if this is a good idea—”

Adrian cut Emerson off again. “The agency fully vets all their clients. And Hallie is amazing with kids. She was born to do this.”

Warmth spread through my chest at his words. There were times when I felt more comfortable around children than adults. There was no pretense. No pretending to be something you weren’t. No hiding the dark sides.

“If it’s meant to be, I’ll get it. If it’s not, then I’ll keep looking.” It was what I’d told myself time and time again. But the fact that my savings were limited kept me from fully believing it.

Emerson let out a long breath. “Okay.” He met my gaze through the screen. “They’d be lucky to have you.”

“Thanks, Em,” I whispered.

“Call us as soon as you’re done,” Adrian insisted. “We want to hear everything.”

The corners of my mouth pulled into a full smile. “You’ll be my first call as soon as I get back to my hotel room.”

“Knock ‘em dead,” he said as a sign-off.

Emerson just waved.

I hit end on the call and let the phone drop.

I pulled my knees to my chest and hugged them hard. Sometimes, it helped keep the anxiety at bay, the hard pressure against my chest.

“You can do this,” I whispered into the room.

Releasing my legs, I picked up my phone again and opened the internet browser. I typed in The Brew, Cedar Ridge. The photos that popped up on my screen were beyond cute, and the menu had my mouth watering.

My heart began to hammer against my ribs, and my breaths came faster.

My eyes burned, tears of frustration trying to break free.

“One step at a time. What’s the next step?”

My voice was shaky, but the words helped. My hand trembled around the phone. Opening my maps app, I typed in The Brew.

Directions populated the screen, and I traced them with my gaze. It was only three blocks from here.

I surveyed everything I would pass along the way and envisioned the streets I’d seen when I drove in yesterday with their quaint shops and picturesque restaurants.

New was never easy for me. It was even worse if someone tried to push me into it. Precisely why I’d left my parents’ home and went to live with Emerson and Adrian. I needed to go at my own pace, and I’d found that if I practiced something in my mind before I did it, it wasn’t quite as scary.

I ran my gaze over the route twice more. “Tomorrow, you just take the next step.”

I surveyed what I’d need in the morning: the leather boots, my puffy jacket, and the hat from the chair in the corner. My focus shifted to the pepper spray on my nightstand. It wasn’t as if I thought someone would attack me on a Saturday morning in the downtown area of a small community.

I wanted to believe that thought. But I knew that bad things could happen when you least expected them.



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