The Best Kind of Forever (Riverside Reapers, #1)(69)

I don’t recognize the sound of my voice. I don’t recognize myself.

“I’m done taking this shit from you. I’m done letting you have any part in my life. I tried to keep communication open, for the sake of Mom, but I can’t do it anymore. You’re a pathetic excuse for a man, and an even more laughable excuse for a father. I’m done hating myself because you hate me. I’m done blaming myself for your mistakes. You were the one who drove Roden to kill himself,” I growl, and I would be freaking out by now if I wasn’t so ramped up on adrenaline. I’ve never talked to my dad like this. I’ve never had the courage to.

I expect him to lash back, but he doesn’t. I force him into the doorway, sharpening my glare on his retreating figure. He visibly moves back when I grip the side of the door.

“You’ll always have blood on your hands. And I hope that when you’re on your last breath, alone, wishing for that sweet release of death, you’ll realize that you’ve driven everyone away. You’re fucking lucky I’m nothing like you, otherwise your blood would be on my hands.”

I shut the partition as soon as he allows me the space, and the combination of my pulse and heartbeat pop roughly in my ear canals.

Once I hear his footsteps diminish down the hallway and see his shadow move from under the door, I drag myself to the bed, letting the dam behind my eyes break. And then I cry the hardest I’ve cried since Roden’s death.





My mother’s been shoving her baked goods in my face the entire morning. I think they’re mainly guilty pastries, but they taste delicious, nonetheless.

My father went out to run errands, and I’m planning on leaving before he comes back. I needed to speak with my mom without him monitoring our conversation.

Elaine’s gray eyes laser in on me, as if she can see through to the depth of my pain. “This man you were seeing…he broke your heart, didn’t he?”

“He broke more than my heart. He broke my trust. He lied to me about our entire relationship. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. But in the end, I should’ve listened to my gut. I could’ve avoided all of this,” I confess.

She reaches across the table to hold my hand. Her hand is cold, despite the house being fairly warm, and her fingers are bony. They grasp me like she’s afraid to let go—like she knows I’ll leave once I’m given the chance.

“I’m so sorry, Aeris,” she consoles, her free hand tightening the sweater around her shoulders. “Did you love him?”

Moisture wells in my eyes, and I stare hollowly at the lemon square I’d been nibbling on. “I did. I loved him more than I thought was humanly possible, Mom.”

“Do you want to mend things? Do you want to give him a second chance?”

“If I give him a second chance, I’m just giving him another opportunity to break my heart.” I need a padlock on my heart with the way it’s close to beating out of my chest.

“I’ll support whatever you choose to do. But you can’t be afraid to love. Real love—true love—is worth fighting for, no matter the wounds you get in the process,” she says, using her sleeve to paw at my sodden cheeks.

My mother’s desserts are rotting into sludge in my belly. “I can’t fight. I don’t…I don’t have it in me,” I whisper brokenly.

“Oh, sweetheart.” She comes over to my side and kneels down next to me. “I know you’re tired. Your heart’s been through so much.”

The breath I had spools out of me, only to be replaced by a string of painful hiccups.

“You probably won’t want to hear this, but if you truly love this man, you need to fight for what you had. Think about your brother. Your brother didn’t fight for love, and he lost his fight. I don’t want you to go down the same path. You’re a fighter, Aeris. I know you are. You have been your whole life.”

She’s wrong. I haven’t been fighting. I haven’t been living. I’ve been letting myself drown, wave after excruciating wave. Everything I do, every relationship I have—it’s all dictated by the trauma from my past. It’s like I don’t know how to function without pain.

“I’m not a fighter.”

“You are. You’re the strongest person I know. I haven’t done a lot with my time on this Earth, but the one thing I’ll always take pride in is having you. I’m so proud of how you turned out,” she cries, the turbulent movement of her chest actively working against her words.

A sleet of tears sluices down my cheeks, and my nostrils sting. “I love you, Mom.”

Water floods my mother’s face, hope flickering behind her sad eyes. She embraces me, and even though it’s been a lifetime since we hugged, I still remember her touch vividly.

“I love you, Aeris. When you leave, I want you to fight for the life you had with him. If he’s there, laying his heart out for you, offering you the love I know you deserve, then consider taking it.”

I mop the rest of my tears up, only having the physical energy to nod.

“I heard you and your father talking last night. I…I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to come to terms with how horrible he’s treated you,” she says, and for the first time in forever, anger snags on her words.

I’ve never seen my mother angry before. I didn’t think she had a mean bone in her body.