The Best Kind of Forever (Riverside Reapers, #1)(72)

“Come on,” Lila coos, taking my hand in hers and helping me to my feet.

I have a wicked cramp from lying down all day, and I move so slowly that it feels like my legs are stuck in molasses. My mind’s reached the summit of the anxiety rollercoaster, and now the fifty-foot drop is making my head ache and my eyes strain.

I let Lila drag me into the kitchen as she heats up some leftover Chinese takeout. The mouthwatering smell awakens the beast in my stomach, reminding me just how long it’s been since I’ve eaten.

She’s watching me with those eagle eyes of hers, her arms pinned over her chest.

“Do you think I’m being too harsh on him?” I ask, swallowing a cumbersome noodle lump.

“Frankly, I don’t think you were harsh enough. I mean, if you weren’t still madly in love with him, I’d pop all the segments of his spine out like pieces of Pez.”

“That’s…disturbingly specific.”

Lila laughs, and it’s the first great sound I’ve heard in a while. “You know how protective I am over you,” she replies, bending over to give me a much-needed hug. She smells like fresh jasmine, and her hands are soft as they rove my back. But as much as I love Lila’s hugs, I can’t stop thinking about being in Hayes’ arms instead.

Come on, Aeris. Have some respect for yourself. He lied to you. He played you.

But he also loved you when you couldn’t love yourself.

I push my food away. “Do you think I should forgive him?”

His phantom presence continues to be a thorn in my side, one that I don’t want to remove despite the pain.

“I think you need to worry about your own heart for once. I think you’ll know when you’ve had some time to heal. You’ve always ever worried about others. Now it’s time to put yourself first.”

Lila’s right. I’ve never put myself first. I’ve never shown myself the kindness that I know I deserve. As much as it hurts, I made the right decision—the decision that’ll protect me from further heartache in the future.





40





DEAR AERIS…





HAYES





I didn’t think I’d be giving the Knights of the Sound Booth another hot headline, but here I am. Deacon and Oliver were kind enough to squeeze me in on short notice, and I gave them box seat tickets for the rest of the season.

After my talk with Bristol, I spent hours and hours trying to come up with some way to show Aeris how real my feelings are for her, and then it hit me.

It might be predictable. It might be over the top. But the message will get to her, and that’s all I need. I don’t care about my reputation. I don’t care about getting traded. The only thing I care about is getting my girl back.

I quell the nervousness bubbling in my gut as the red light in the recording studio blinks to life.

Deacon adjusts his headphones. “Hayes! It’s great to have you back on the podcast, buddy.”

I thread my fingers through my hair and give them what I hope is a friendly enough laugh. “Of course. Thank you for letting me, uh, come on such short notice.”

Oliver nods. “And what’s on the agenda for today?” he asks.

Fear crashes into me like an eighteen-wheeler, and my lower lip is close to bleeding from all the gnawing I’ve accomplished in an alarmingly short time frame.

It’s now or never.

“I’m here to talk about my girlfriend…or ex-girlfriend.”

“I sense a grand gesture coming on,” Deacon says.

“I don’t think it comes to anyone’s surprise that I’m a fuckup. And I fucked up. Really badly. The girl I was seeing—Aeris—I broke her trust. I lied to her, and I ruined the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

I don’t know how many people are watching this live right now, but I’m glad there aren’t any flashing lights or noisy reporters trying to get a word in. The entire room is tranquil, and it’s so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

Before Aeris, I never would’ve acknowledged my emotions, let alone admit to the whole world that I messed up. I mean, I lied to the only person I’ve ever loved because I was afraid people would find out how bad of a person I really am.

Newsflash, Hayes. People make mistakes. I make a lot more mistakes than the average person, but what I do after the fact is more important than whatever dumb shit I did in the moment.

My pulse speeds away like a rogue bullet, the thump of my heart loud enough to drown out the second thoughts creeping through my head.

My next set of words find no resistance as they flow out of me surprisingly smoothly. “Not only did I lie to her, but I lied to all of you. I rushed into a relationship to save my image. I was getting into so many stupid fights, partying until I blacked out, sleeping with a revolving door of girls. And the icing on the cake was when I slept with a sponsor’s daughter. I genuinely thought my NHL career was going to be over before it started. I had no intention of falling in love. Everything was supposed to be fake, but then things became real, and I didn’t want to give up the girl of my dreams. I convinced myself that it would be best for everyone if I kept the secret to myself, and I shouldn’t have made that decision, because I wasn’t the one affected by it.

“Aeris, if you’re watching this, there are no words to express how sorry I am. If you choose to believe me, just know that I’ve meant every word I’ve ever said to you. From the moment I saw you sitting alone at that bar, I was magnetized by your beauty, and then you pulled me in with that smart mouth of yours, and I was hooked from the get-go. There is not a single thing I regret from our time together. You taught me about patience and understanding and what it means to love wholly—what it means to put another person before yourself.”