The Book Club Hotel(25)

She so badly wanted to say yes. The intense desire to do anything and everything she could to make her child happy and compensate for the lack of a father was a difficult thing to manage. But manage it, she would. She was barely coping with the inn, a dog and a child, and they were heading into her busiest time of year. She knew better than to add more responsibility or chaos. She could make an excuse, or she could tell the truth. She preferred her daughter to always hear the truth.

“We can’t have a kitten, honey.”

Delphi wrinkled her nose. “Why not? I really want one.”

“I know, but sometimes in life there are things we want that we just can’t have. And I know it seems hard.” Hattie thought about all the things she really wanted. “But right now we have a lot to deal with. An animal is a big responsibility. They don’t just need love and attention. They take time and care.”

“But we already care for Rufus.”

“Exactly. We care for Rufus. And I think you’re grown up enough to take more responsibility for him. Maybe this is a good time to talk about that.”

Delphi sat up straighter. “I could feed him. And clean his bowl.”

“You’d do that? Because that would be a big help.”

Rufus thumped his tail and Delphi looked up at Noah. Her hair framed her face in a tangle of pale gold and her eyes were solemn.

“We can’t have a kitten right now because I’m too busy to care for it.”

Hattie felt an almost overwhelming rush of love for her daughter.

Noah nodded, equally solemn. “That’s very responsible of you. You can visit them at the farm and help Panther look after them any time you like.”

Hattie appreciated the gesture. “That’s a kind offer.”

“Can I come today?” Delphi was savvy enough to know that adults didn’t always follow through on their promises and Noah smiled.

“If it’s okay with your mother, then it’s fine with me. And while you’re visiting, you can choose your Christmas trees. That way you get first choice.”

“Today?” Delphi almost burst with excitement. “Can we cut one down?”

“We won’t cut them today. I’ll do that just before we bring them over to you. That way the trees will stay fresh.”

Delphi gazed at her mother. “Can we go? Please?”

If she said no to this, too, then she’d ruin her daughter’s day, and her daughter didn’t deserve to have her day ruined just because her mother had been feeling lonely and sexually frustrated and had exorcised those feelings on Noah.

Noah was watching her, his face inscrutable.

“It’s up to you,” he said steadily. “If you’d rather not, that’s fine.”

Was he saying he’d rather she didn’t come? Or did he genuinely not care either way? Did he think about those wild, mindless moments in the barn or had he tried to forget it? Maybe, for him, that kiss had been the most terrifying thing about Halloween.

She bit back a hysterical laugh. Maybe that was why he hadn’t come around for a while. She’d scared him. She’d been so damn desperate, she’d scared a man.

On the other hand, Noah had never struck her as a man who was easily scared.

It was impossible to decode his true thoughts from his body language.

But whatever he was thinking, she needed to reassure him that nothing had changed. He was her neighbor and, before that wild moment of madness, a good friend. She didn’t want to lose that.

After Brent’s accident she’d been grateful for Noah’s constant and steady presence. He’d visited frequently, reminding her that she wasn’t alone, that she had friends and neighbors who cared and were looking out for her. Long after other people had given up asking her how she was, he’d still paid attention. Often he brought gifts from his mother’s kitchen.

She made too much casserole, so maybe you’d help us out and eat it.

My mother has tried this new pie recipe, and she’d love your opinion.

She’d started to look forward to his visits. Unlike others, he didn’t tiptoe around her. He seemed to understand that she might laugh one minute and sob the next.

Since Halloween she’d missed seeing him. Was that wrong? She had no idea what was right or wrong. Life had upended the natural order of things, and she felt as if she no longer knew the rules, or even if there were rules. She didn’t care what other people thought; that wasn’t her problem. Her problem was that she didn’t even know what she thought.

But at least spending time with him would be a way of reassuring him she didn’t intend to grab him at every possible moment, and that he didn’t need to be nervous. Also, an afternoon on the farm would make her daughter ecstatically happy, and if there was ever an opportunity to make her daughter ecstatically happy, then she was going to take it.

“That would be great. Thank you. I did mean to email you about trees, but it’s been busy. We’ve had a lot going on.”

His gaze held hers. “I understand.”

If that was true, it was really embarrassing.

She was annoyed to find her cheeks turning pink. “We’ll come after lunch. I’ll ask Chloe to cover reception and she can call me if there are any problems.”

“My mother is hoping you’ll join us for dinner. She hasn’t seen you since Halloween.”