The Book Club Hotel(29)

Erica slowed down as the car in front of her came to a standstill. “When has Anna ever not cooked dinner?”

“Nothing in life is certain. You think you understand someone and then wham, they surprise you. And not in a good way.”

Erica thought about her mother. Your father wasn’t the man I thought he was.

Something shifted inside her. She had a head full of questions but right now the priority was Claudia, who had weathered a difficult year. “Anna is not going to surprise us, and she will not order takeout. I can safely say that Anna cooking dinner is one of life’s few certainties.”

But it was clear that her friend was feeling raw and vulnerable, and Erica ached for her.

This, she thought, was what happened when you let yourself depend on someone. She was grateful to her mother for teaching her to rely only on herself.

Should she ask about John? No. If John had called, Claudia would have told them.

She chose a safer topic.

“How’s the job going? Entertain me with your funny kitchen stories.”

“Ah, the job.” Claudia stared straight ahead. “I don’t have a job. I’ve been laid off. I don’t suppose that counts as a funny kitchen story.”

“What?” Erica glanced at her, shocked. “When did this happen? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you’ve done enough for me already. You didn’t need to hear more of my moaning.” Claudia slumped in her seat and fiddled with the edge of her scarf.

“Claudia, you’re my best friend.” Erica wished they weren’t in the car. It was hard to give her friend her full attention when negotiating heavy traffic and falling snow. “There is no such thing as enough. You should have called me.”

“I’m in denial. I’ve been hoping to wake up one morning and discover it’s all a bad dream. So far that hasn’t happened. I feel as if my self-esteem has been run over by a truck.”

“What does it have to do with self-esteem? Being laid off isn’t personal.”

“Maybe, but when it’s you it feels personal.”

Erica tried hard to put herself in Claudia’s shoes. “I can see that. Right now you’re angry. Upset. A bit wounded. But it’s important not to waste energy on emotion. Think of it as a problem to be solved. The best thing is to come up with a plan.” And plans were her forte. Even in traffic and snow, this was something practical she could do. “We can discuss your goals and what you want for the future.”

“I don’t know what I want.”

“We can start by looking at your skills.”

“What skills?”

Erica was determined not to let Claudia wallow. “This is not the time to undervalue yourself. I’ve tasted your food. You’re an exceptionally talented chef.”

“That must be why they told me they no longer needed my services.”

This, Erica thought savagely, was why she’d set up her company—so that she was in control of her own future. Also because she wasn’t interested in playing office politics. She just wanted to get the job done, and done well. On her terms. “Where have you sent your résumé so far?”

“Nowhere. I haven’t put in any applications.”

“Because this just happened yesterday?”

Claudia hesitated. “Three weeks ago.”

“Three—” Erica breathed. “So why haven’t you made any applications?”

“Because I don’t know if I want to work in kitchens anymore. I’m almost forty.”

“What’s your age got to do with anything?”

“Turning forty feels significant. So does losing my job. I feel as if it’s a sign.”

“A sign?”

“A sign that maybe I’m not meant to be a chef.” Claudia turned to look at her. “Does that make any sense at all?”

“None.” Erica didn’t believe in signs. She didn’t believe in fate. She believed in deciding what you wanted and going for it, but she had enough experience with people to know she had to handle this in a way that worked for Claudia. “If you don’t want to be a chef, then what do you want to do?”

“I don’t know.”

Erica thought about the times she’d watched Claudia preparing food. It was like watching an artist at work.

“But you love food. You always have.”

“Yes, but I don’t love working in kitchens. I love cooking, but I hate kitchens. And sadly, if I want to get paid, the two come together.”

“You’re feeling this way because you had no control over what happened.” Erica came to a standstill in a line of traffic. “Have you thought of owning your own restaurant? Being the boss?”

Claudia leaned her head back against the seat and laughed. “I love you, do you know that?”

Erica stiffened. “Did you have a drink on the plane?”

“No, I did not have a drink on the plane.”

“Are you sure? Normally, you only tell me you love me after your third glass.”

“That’s because I know you’re uncomfortable with outward displays of affection, but today I’m appreciating what I have. My friends. You and Anna. The world is a scary place, and you make it seem a little less scary. You’re always so positive and brave, and right now I’m not either of those things.” There was a telltale wobble in Claudia’s voice and Erica felt like a fraud.