The Break-Up Retreat(71)

“Surely she shouldn’t be . . . doing that,” Pernilla says, hesitating, seeking reassurance and landing on Leyla.

“Telling the rest of us what we’ve shared in private. That can’t possibly be how it’s done?”

“It’s not.” I stand up. “It’s not how it’s done. It’s illegal. And immoral. It’s wrong on every level.”

“When she . . . well, I thought she was helping,” Pernilla’s eyes are drawn to Clara, the only one still sitting.

“It felt . . . good in the moment.” Pernilla is speaking slowly, seeming to feel her way through. “But after, I felt . . . well, it felt horrible. Dragging everything I’d said out like that, without asking me first. And making me . . . or, rather, encouraging me. To say those things to you.” This last part she addresses to Clara, who’s looking at her without speaking.

“I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.” The apology is choked but sounds sincere.

Clara’s lips pinch together, for a moment. But then she says:

“No. Don’t be. It’s the Hastings Method. You were doing it to foster growth.”

Leyla raises her eyebrows, and I say:

“Come on, Clara, you can’t actually believe that. Not still.” I gesture to Katarina.

“I mean, look at her,” I say, and then I direct a quick:

“Sorry,” to Katarina.

“Don’t worry,” Katarina says.

“Does this seem right to you?” I ask Clara. “Does this seem like the actions of someone who is trying to help anyone? Leyla is right. This isn’t what therapy is supposed to be like. Whatever is going on here isn’t healing or helping anyone.”

Clara shakes her head, crossing her arms, much like Martina crossed her arms earlier.

“You guys just aren’t committed enough,” she says. “Growth isn’t always pleasant. It’s not easy. You have to do the work.”

“Fuck the work ,” Leyla exclaims. “This isn’t work, this is torture.”

Clara rolls her eyes.

“Please,” she says. “If you knew how much research had gone into the method, you wouldn’t be questioning it. You’re all just scared.”

“I don’t think you’re supposed to be scared in therapy.” Katarina is speaking very quietly but enough to be heard.

“Listen, I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.” There is just a hint of remorse in the tilt of Clara’s eyes, in the pause before she continues.

“I didn’t mean to say anything that would offend you, or anything. But the Hastings Method requires radical honesty between peers.”

“But we’re not peers,” Pernilla chimes in.

“Well, of course you would say that.” Clara rolls her eyes. “You think you’re so much better than the rest of us.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Pernilla says, and she actually sounds wounded. “I just meant . . . Doctor Martina isn’t treating us like we’re peers. She goes on about how we are supposedly in the same boat, saying that we all have something to learn from each other, but she’s pitting us against each other.”

“Some of us haven’t made it much of a challenge for her,” Leyla mutters, and Clara’s eyes widen; she stares at Leyla, radiating hurt feelings.

“I can’t believe you’d say that to me,” Clara says. “After—”

“Well, it’s the truth,” Leyla shuts her down.

“Yeah, it’s always the truth with you,” Clara stands up, spreading her arms wide. “What, like you’re not doing what you always do? Don’t you see? You’re all just repeating old patterns! You’re doing exactly what she said you’d do!”

“Wait.” I hold up my hand. “Did you tell Martina? About me?”

“Yeah,” Clara’s laugh is tinted with hysteria. “Because everything is about you, Isobel. You’re the most important person in the world, right?”

“No,” I snap. “Stop pretending. Repeating old patterns. Are you working with them? With her? Is that why you were out last night?”

“You’re fucking crazy.” Clara shakes her head. “You’re a mess.”

“Sure,” I agree. “But answer my question. Are you in on it? Whatever it is that they’re doing here?”

“What are you two talking about?” Pernilla exclaims, throwing her hands wide.

“I don’t know!” Clara says.

I turn to the others.

“There is something really wrong with Himlafall,” I start. “With the Hastings Method, and with the staff, and with Martina. It’s not just what she’s doing to us in here. Weird stuff has been happening the whole time we’ve been here. A patient went missing from here nine months ago, and I think they covered it up. I think something happened to her here. And it might be happening again. Stuff has disappeared from my cabin. Someone’s gone through my stuff. And I got chased by someone, last night, in the woods. They followed me out there, and I heard them talking about the last woman who went missing.”

“Wait, why were you in the woods?” Leyla crosses her arms. “What were you doing out there?”