The Intern(85)

“Okay, but that’s not the point. I appreciate everything you did for me in the past. I did things for you, too. Things I wish I hadn’t. Water under the bridge, okay? Going forward, it needs to be different. I’m a judge now. There’s too much scrutiny. I can’t accept your money. And I can’t do any more favors.”

“Aw, honey. I wish it was that easy. This isn’t just about me. There’s a whole network of people who invested more than dollars in you. They pulled favors, at great inconvenience to themselves, great risk. Your background check. Your promotions. Your nomination to the bench. They put their network at your disposal, their powerful friends. I mean, Charlie you know about, of course. Would he maybe let things slide, out of love for you, his little sister? It’s possible, though I can’t say for sure. But there are too many others involved. People you’ve never met, and you don’t know their names for good reason. You can’t just take the goodies and go home. Not with those guys.”

Was Ray telling her that her hard work and talent counted for nothing? Year after year of late nights at the office, early mornings in court. The case files, the legal briefs, the witness interviews, and oral arguments—all meaningless because she had shadowy people in her corner, whom she’d never even met, and never knew about? It couldn’t be.

“That can’t be true. I worked hard. I had the Harvard degree. I played by the rules. I—”

“Yeah, and so did plenty of other schmucks who never got anywhere. Look, Kathy, I’m not disparaging you or saying you weren’t qualified. Just, things go on behind the scenes. What happened for you was no accident. You had help. And that’s the truth.”

She thought about Brad McCarthy’s murder. How that douchebag cop, Morelli, tried to stop her from getting in Brad’s car that night. How Doug Kessler waltzed into Brad’s job and dismissed the case against Fiamma, just like the mobsters wanted. Ray was telling it to her straight. Behind the scenes, there was play upon play. Her meteoric rise was not her own. It just made her want to quit. Run away and start over, a million miles from here, with Matthew and the clothes on their backs, nothing else.

“If that’s true—”

“It is true. Cross my heart,” he said.

“Then I never asked for it. And it stops now.”

“Now? You’re kidding me. Now you’re a judge. You’re finally in a position to pay off the debt. Now you’re too valuable to let go. Do I need to remind you of the stakes? Kathy, you’re implicated in the murder of a federal prosecutor, and they will use that against you.”

“So turn me in.”

His jaw went slack. “What?”

“You heard me. For all I care, you can turn me in, and I’ll tell them what I knew in advance, which was nothing. And who was involved. Which was you and Charlie.”

“You’d rat on your own family?”

“Matthew is my family now. He’s an honorable man. I need to follow his example.”

“Ah, well. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this. But that’s a problem. Not for me. For you. And most of all, for Matthew.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” she said, going cold.

“You know what it means. You’re too valuable to dispose of. But him…”

She burst into tears just as Sylvia came back with the champagne in a bucket.

“Kathy, what are you doing? Your mascara’s running,” she said, rushing over with a Kleenex. She turned on Ray. “Did you make my daughter cry on her wedding day? Get out of here, you bum, before I smack you.”

Sylvia pushed him toward the door and slammed it behind him.

“He’s gone. Let me fix your mascara, hon.”

“No, get Matthew. I have to talk to him.”

“He can’t see you in your wedding dress. It’s bad luck.”

“Just do it. I have to call off the wedding.”

“You’re serious?”

“Yes.”

“Jesus, that fucking Ray. He pushes things too far.”

Sylvia left the room, muttering. A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door. Matthew came in and sat down on the bed across from her, looking like he’d been punched in the stomach.

“Your mother told me you’re having second thoughts. Is that true?”

She looked into his green eyes, so full of love and pain, and almost couldn’t continue. If she lost him, her life going forward would be desolate, empty, a field of ash. There was almost nothing she could think of worse than life without Matthew. Almost nothing. Except one thing. Knowing that he’d died because of her.

“I can’t marry you, Matthew. I’m very sorry.”

“Well, I don’t accept that. I love you. I know you love me, too.”

“I do. More than anyone or anything. More than life.”

“Then, what is it? I deserve an explanation.”

She took a deep breath and told him the truth. He listened intently, his face pale and serious, his eyes locked on hers, for half an hour. At the end of it, he thanked her for her honesty and told her that the circumstances didn’t make a difference to him. He would never choose to live his life without her, no matter what the risk. This was a serious problem, yes. But that’s what vows were for. Richer, poorer, sickness, health, till death do you part. They would face this together, and together they would overcome.