The Intern(89)

She lifted the shopping bag. A wrapped present was visible inside. Kathryn was about to say no when a wave of dizziness hit, so powerful that she had to grab the wall for support. The room was spinning. She broke into a sweat.

“Are you okay? Here, let me help,” Sylvia said, sliding her arm around Kathryn’s waist.

Her mother’s voice, the scent of her perfume, and the peppermint Life Savers she chewed were all so familiar. Suddenly, she was glad for her presence. She handed her the keys, and together they lurched up the stairs to the second floor.

Kathryn was living temporarily in a one-bedroom apartment at the end of a long hallway. After Matthew’s death, she couldn’t bring herself to go back inside that house in Wellesley where they’d been so happy. Besides, it looked better to move somewhere anonymous. It played into their expectations for how a hysterical woman should behave. Hide, but poorly, in plain sight. Make them think she’d broken off contact but wasn’t planning to run. There was just one flaw in her plan. She was starting to show. She had to get away before they found out about Ollie. But she hadn’t figured out how to do that, not with them watching her.

Sylvia let them into the apartment. Inside, harsh lighting bounced off bare white walls, hurting her eyes. She collapsed onto the hard sofa.

“Let me help you off with your coat,” Sylvia said.

Kathryn was sweating, but she drew back. She barely showed, but Sylvia would notice the difference right away. That was why she’d cut her mother from her life. She didn’t trust her not to let her secret slip to Ray.

Lucy came sauntering out from the bedroom. She stopped, contemplating Sylvia.

“Oh, is that the kitty Matthew got you? She’s so big now.”

She took a step toward Lucy, who bounded back to the bedroom.

“I remember she was skittish with strangers. Or else she just doesn’t like me,” Sylvia said, laughing nervously.

There was an awkward silence.

“You want something to eat? I brought your favorite. Look.”

Sylvia took a Tupperware container from the shopping bag and peeled off the lid. She’d never been much of a cook. The corned beef and cabbage glistened with congealed fat and gave off a meaty smell. Kathryn clapped her hand over her mouth and ran to the bathroom, where she spent the next five minutes heaving into the toilet. When she came out, the corned beef had been whisked away. Sylvia had her coat off and a kettle on the stove.

“Lie down, babe. I’ll bring you some tea and saltines.”

“I’m better now, thank you. You can go.”

Kathryn stood her ground, watching the expressions play across her mother’s face. Regret, longing, pleading. Sylvia’s eyes welled with tears.

“I know you don’t trust me. You think I’m a bad mother for bringing Ray into your life. But I had to keep us afloat somehow. That man pursued me for years. I couldn’t bring myself to marry him, so I took a job in his office. To put a roof over our heads and food on the table. I did it for you.”

“You put me in his debt forever.”

“You mean the money for your schooling? What else could we have done? I wanted you to have an education, something I never had and could never give you. Look, I made mistakes, but they were done out of love.”

Kathryn’s face had turned to stone. “You’re rewriting history. What about the Wallaces?”

“You mean that little shit Charlie and his bitch of a mother? What about them? If they were dying in the street, I’d spit on the ground and walk past.”

Kathryn looked away. “You left me with them for months.”

“You mean when I was dying? My God, I had no choice. And I didn’t leave you with them. I left you with Ray. Turns out he was a selfish prick who couldn’t be bothered with a kid. I was so out of it, I didn’t even know he gave you to Eddie until weeks later. And if it’s Eddie you’re upset about, well, I admit I fucked up royally there. In my defense, I was too young to know better.”

“Oh, come on. You stayed with him for years. You’d still be with him today if they hadn’t shot him in the head. Just like they did to Matthew.”

“I understand you feel I raised you in a bad environment, and that makes it my fault, what happened to Matthew. Maybe I should’ve sat you down when you were younger and explained a few things, but the truth was so ugly. I’ll tell it to you now, though. If you’ll listen.”

Kathryn said nothing, but she kept her eyes on her mother. She had to admit, she was curious. After a moment, Sylvia plunged ahead.

“You see, Eddie was my mother’s cousin. He started messing with me when I was sixteen and he was thirty-five. I admit, he didn’t force me. He gave me alcohol, he gave me money and gifts. And he was a handsome man. But I was underage, with no guidance. Nowadays, he’d get arrested. Back then, everybody looked the other way. And when I got pregnant with you, they blamed me, not him. My own parents blamed me. So, if you’re blaming me, too, Kathy, I don’t know what to say. I wish I could’ve given you a squeaky-clean life full of honest people. But that’s never who was around me.”

The kettle started to whistle, and Sylvia got up to make the tea. While she puttered in the kitchen, Kathryn thought over what she’d said. About to become a mother herself, she saw things in a new light. Ollie would be born into cataclysm. His father murdered, his mother implicated in crimes, his own safety at risk. It was a million miles from what she wanted for her child. But it was beyond her control. Couldn’t the same be said for Sylvia, and Kathryn’s upbringing?