The Life She Wanted: A Novel(85)

“You have to make time for your personal life,” Adele said. “I’ve decided to have a party. Not an entire weekend, just a garden party at the end of August. We’ll have swimming and games on the lawn.”

Pandora recalled the house party where she first met Harley. She remembered walking past the library, hearing Harley and Preston rehearsing. Harley pulling her inside and asking her to join them. The tentative feeling of starting something new and exciting.

She had tried so hard to make Harley happy, to build a good life. And it had ended in tragedy. She couldn’t go through that again; it was better not to try.

Esme bounded into the room and threw herself into Pandora’s arms. She smelled of hand soap and peanut butter. Seeing her daughter reminded Pandora that marrying Harley had given her Esme, which was the best thing she had ever done.

Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to attend Adele’s party after all.

“Perhaps you can give me suggestions on whom to invite.” Adele interrupted her thoughts. “Owen and Lillian, Virginia and Wolfgang, and Archie. Though it might be awkward with Lucy.”

“What do you mean?” Pandora inquired.

Archie and Lucy’s wedding was scheduled for the first weekend in September. The ceremony would be held in the Vanderbilts’ rose garden followed by a reception in the ballroom.

“The wedding has been called off,” Adele said. “Apparently, Lucy rekindled an old romance when she was in St. Louis. The young man, Charles, is arriving in Hyde Park next week.”

Pandora wondered why no one had told her. But none of the family was at Riverview. She would have to call Virginia.

“I didn’t know,” Pandora replied.

“It only happened a few days ago,” Adele said. “Louise was upset at first, but Charles is a member of the Busch family, and they’re very influential. I’m sure it won’t take long for Archie to meet someone new.” She smiled at Pandora. “He’s always been so good looking, and now he’s quite successful.”

In the short time he’d been back, Archie was already doing a wonderful job at his father’s real estate firm. He had saved it from the brink of bankruptcy and had bright ideas for the future. Pandora didn’t know how Archie managed the reversal, but Virginia said Maude and Robert Van Luyen were very pleased.

A strange feeling came over Pandora. A flash of heat, followed by a sudden chill. She wondered if she was coming down with a summer cold.

“Are you all right?” Adele said, frowning. “Your forehead is shiny.”

Pandora stood up. She walked uncertainly to the doorway.

“I probably picked up something from Esme. All I need is a bath and some aspirin.”

Later that afternoon, sitting in the cottage and watching Esme play with Sally on the lawn, Pandora went over the conversation with Adele. She didn’t need aspirin and she didn’t feel like running a bath. She knew what was wrong with her. She was in love with Archie.

The realization had come to her as she was driving home from Blythdale. By the time she pulled into Riverview’s gates, past the willow tree where Pandora and Archie and Virginia had built a swing, past the pond where they used to feed the ducks, she couldn’t get it out of her mind.

In some ways, she had been in love with Archie ever since she could remember. She just hadn’t recognized it. When she was young, he made her feel safe. Her mother had left, and everything about Riverview was new and strange. From there, it grew into a mutual admiration. They loved picking apples and doing homework together. Archie had always been there, with his blond good looks and devilish charm. He was as much a part of Pandora’s life as her schoolbooks. Then Pandora fell for Owen and then Harley.

Had Archie had feelings for her too? The night they spent together before her wedding, he had been so caring after they made love. It seemed as if he wanted something more than Pandora could give. And he was so angry when she told him that Esme was his daughter. Pandora wondered if it was about more than Esme, that maybe he was hurt because Pandora had chosen Harley over Archie all those years ago.

Had she been in love with Archie even then? Is that why she had wanted to kiss him when she found him in the study two days before the wedding?

She wanted to talk to him, but she couldn’t; she feared he would only send her away. Perhaps she’d see him at Adele’s party, but that wasn’t for a month. Maude Van Luyen would probably have introduced him to someone new by then, a member of the Dinsmore family or one of J. P. Morgan’s granddaughters.

When she looked back on the last three years, she realized that one thing love had taught her was to be brave. She had found the courage to travel to Europe with Esme after Harley’s death. She had put herself forward with Maurice so she could learn what it felt like to desire and be desired. And she hadn’t taken no for an answer when she started her sportswear company.

Surely, she could find the courage to tell Archie how she felt about him.

She brushed her hair and applied lipstick and powder. Then she grabbed her purse and ran out to the car.

Archie’s office was located in an elegant building on Park Avenue. Pandora climbed the staircase to the third floor. She felt even more nervous than when she’d waited at Lord & Taylor. Archie’s secretary announced her, and Archie appeared in the doorway. He looked almost foreign to her in a three-piece suit and two-toned oxfords.