The Long Game (Long Game, #1)(115)

His barely controlled demeanor broke. “I meant it when I said that I see you.” He dropped his arm. “I fucking see you, and I see what your father has done to you. And what David has done, too.” The green in his eyes swirled with frustration, his mouth pursed, so close to a snarl. “For all I know, this could be that fucking crook spreading word to purposely hurt you. I needed to be sure that wasn’t the case.”

My eyes widened at the possibility of David being behind this. Behind the information that had been in Matthew’s email.

Cameron continued, voice softening, “I am a selfish man, Adalyn. And I wanted you to have this. I didn’t want him—them—to ruin today for you. This one thing you worked so fucking hard for. I couldn’t care less about the little league, but I was bloody winning this for you. I wanted you to go to the game and be fucking ecstatic. Not a worry in your mind. Smile and laugh the way you so rarely do. Have a good time with me and the girls and collect the joy you deserve. The goddamn love you don’t need to earn. That’s what my selfishness makes me do.”

The tips of my fingers started to feel funny. Numb. And tingly. All at once. “Don’t tell me to smile more. Or worry less.” I clasped my hands together, scared they’d start shaking. And the odd sensation spread out and up my arms. “I am who I am.”

“I know, love.” His voice wavered. “I don’t want to change you. I wouldn’t change a single thing about you, as much as sometimes you drive me absolutely insane.” He shook his head, as if lost for an instant. “You are who you are. And I love that. Let those goddamn smiles be rare as long as they’re mine.”

You are who you are.

And I love that.

Let those goddamn smiles be rare as long as they’re mine.

Mine.

My heart dropped to my feet, and God, that stupid hole that had opened in the middle of me pulsed, pounded with need, demanding to be filled.

The words barely made it out of me when I spoke, “That’s beside the point.”

I regretted my words. Almost immediately. It wasn’t beside the point. What he’d said… it had been everything. Every single thing.

Cameron’s gaze didn’t falter. “That’s all right.” He took a step forward. “I’ll be your punching bag.” Another step. “I’ll be whatever you need me to be. I’ll jump on a flight and hold your hand. I’ll help you break something with your bare hands. Fuck, I’ll just stand there and watch.” He reached me, and my whole body reacted to him. To his closeness. To his words. “Anything you need. You want to go now. We’ll go.”

You are who you are.

And I love that.

“I don’t need you to protect me,” I told him, and I wished I believed my own words. I wished I wasn’t feeling like all I wanted was to jump into his arms. But that only made me the same woman who’d lost control of her life that day. The same woman who couldn’t keep a hold of her emotions. “This. This is why you didn’t tell me. You don’t trust that I can handle things. On my own. And I might deserve that after what happened with Sparkles and every time you’ve seen me lose control, but I’ve been handling things on my own my whole life, Cameron. And I’ve been fine.”

“Don’t you think I know?” He huffed, and that’s when I knew he was breaking. Cameron was breaking down. “I know you don’t need me, or anyone else. I know you’re more than okay on your own. Jesus, Adalyn, that’s what pushes me to want to guard you like a goddamn dog.”

His hand cupped my face then, and God. It felt so right. His touch so comforting, so warm in that way that made me feel so alive. I closed my eyes.

His voice softened. “You’re so strong, so fiercely independent, that I want to keep you happy and safe before you have to.” He caressed my jaw. And only then I realized my teeth were clattering with restraint. “I trust you. Not even once have I doubted you’re capable of withstanding a single thing that life throws at you. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to stop anything from ever hurting you again.”

My heart pounded recklessly in my chest, reverberating in my temples and head. I closed my eyes, making the effort to pull oxygen into my lungs. In through my mouth. Out through my nose.

That’s what pushes me to want to guard you like a goddamn dog.

In through my mouth. Out through my nose.

I trust you.

But did I trust myself?

I opened my eyes. “You should take the job with the RBC. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime.”

Another of those strangled sounds left him. And my heart thrummed in my temples now. Take back the words, a voice in my head begged. Take them back. Ask him to go to Miami with you today. Don’t do this alone when you don’t have to.

“No,” Cameron said. Stated. Firmly. Not even a trace of doubt in his voice. Stubborn, hardheaded man. His perseverance only made me want to scream. Cry. Be in his arms. “It was never up for consideration, but now it’s not even an option that would ever cross my mind. I’m not leaving.”

My heart pounded so hard, so loud, that when I said, “Why?” I didn’t think I heard the word. “Why wouldn’t you take it? England is your home.”

Cameron’s jaw tightened. His hand dropped. “Don’t.” He shook his head. “Don’t make me say the words out loud. Not now. Not right before you try to push me away.”