The Love of My Afterlife(65)

I gulp. “Are…Is this because you’re lonely?” I say, my cheeks reddening. “Because I…”

“No, Delphie. This is because today is the first day in five years that I haven’t felt lonely. Not one bit.”

He grabs my face with both hands then and kisses me again, his tongue dipping softly against mine. I melt, my entire body starting to pulse in time with my heart, the beat of which has accelerated to a hum. I kiss him back, swinging my arms around his neck, one hand running up into his dark curls, the other trailing down to his arm, which feels solid and sure beneath my fingers. I squeeze and make a noise I don’t think I’ve ever made before—a sort of half gasp, half squeak.

“I thought you hated me,” Cooper murmurs, trailing his mouth across my throat, his bottom lip like velvet against my neck.

“I do,” I breathe, tilting my head back, because whatever he is doing feels like magic on my skin. “But you hate me too, so…”

“I despise you, Delphie,” Cooper groans into my mouth.

My body takes over and I kiss him harder, my tongue exploring his. I feel how hard he is and go dizzy with the pull of it, the anticipation.

I pull back, breathing heavily. “I…I…”

“What is it?” Cooper asks, leaning in to kiss my shoulder and then my earlobe and then my mouth again.

“I’veneverdonethisbefore,” I blurt out.

Cooper leans back, his chest rising and falling quickly. “Never done what?”

“I’m a virgin,” I say. And then I start to laugh because it sounds so unlikely but also because I’m a little embarrassed. Which I know I shouldn’t be because past Delphie was certain that it was the right thing. But now everything has changed. And I’m going to die in three days. And if this is what it feels like to be wantonly kissing an objectively hot yet despicable man in the moonlight, I suspect I might have been a fucking idiot to have avoided it for so long. And yes, sleeping with your neighbour is probably a terrible idea, but what does it matter? In three days I won’t ever see him again. It’s not like he will care. He’s used to one-night stands. He’s probably an expert in them.

Cooper doesn’t question me. He doesn’t ask about Jonah and the hooking up all over town. Instead, he looks me right in the eyes. “Would you like me to stop? Just say the words.”

“Do…do you want to stop?” I ask, fiddling with the edge of the sheet I’m wrapped in. “Because I, well, I really don’t have very much idea what I’m doing. How to do it. I mean, technically I, you know, know. But there’s a lack of field research. So we can stop now. You know. If you want to.”

Cooper swallows, his gaze locked on mine. “I’d rather scoop out my own eyeballs than stop whatever this is,” he says, which elicits another laugh. “But it’s in your control. Whatever you want, Delphie. Seriously.”

I examine his face in the silver light. I think about the way he just wrapped my hair around his fist and how it was the sexiest thing that has ever happened to me.

I literally have nothing to lose—this is the only time in my life when there won’t ever be consequences for my behaviour.

Despite everything, my shoulders soften. I trust Cooper. I’m safe with him and, to my surprise, I don’t feel awkward or embarrassed. I feel excited.

“Yes. I want this,” I say firmly, my breath catching with anticipation. “I really…I really just want to know what it’s like.”

“Then let me show you,” Cooper whispers into my ear, drawing me back to him.





32





The first time doesn’t hurt like I thought it might. It feels enveloping and unusual but good. Really fucking good. Cooper explores my body, and it transforms from something that holds nothing but fear and anxiety into a conduit for electricity. As he pushes into me, I rise my hips up to meet him, feeling more comfortable with every thrust until I’m the one who quickens the pace.

When Cooper comes, he presses me so tightly against him that I feel his heartbeat reverberate through my entire chest.

We lie back together on the bed, breathless and dazed.

Cooper leans up on his elbow and grins at me. “Whoa.”

I nod, waiting for the stars in my eyes to abate. “Whoa.” I laugh out loud.

Cooper chuckles. “Why are you laughing?”

“I never thought the first person I slept with would be the downstairs neighbour who told me to fuck off because I asked him to turn down his music at six in the morning.”

Cooper frowns. “Huh? I didn’t do that.”

I nudge him lazily with my shoulder. “You did. It was five years ago. The morning after Halloween. I remember because you had pumpkins lit in your window. You’d had a party, I think?”

Cooper inhales. “I don’t remember saying that to you.”

“Still drunk?”

He shakes his head. “No. That was actually the morning Em died. My head was…I was somewhere else.” He strokes my shoulder, causing my whole arm to break out in goose bumps. “Your skin is porcelain.”

“Like a plate?”

“Like a figurine. But sexy. A hot figurine.”

I shrug. “I’m an indoor cat.”

“I didn’t think this would ever happen either,” he says. “Although I do know you thought I was handsome.”