The Second Chance Year(17)

“Where’s mine?” Zach asks.

I give him an exaggerated shrug. “Sorry, I only brought one.”

“It’s cool,” Zach says. “Bring me one next time.”

I bite my tongue.

“Hey, Zach,” Alex cuts in, probably to steer the conversation to safer topics again. “How’s it going with the candidates for the financial consultant position? What do you think of that woman you interviewed yesterday?”

And then, I realize what’s coming next. I sat in this same bar on this same day during my Very Bad Year, and I had a version of this conversation before. And it did not go well. Because if memory serves, then Zach is about to reply with…

“Eh. I don’t know, man. She’s smart, I’ll give her that. Really qualified. But, based on her graduation date, I’d guess she’s about thirty-two, thirty-three, maybe. No wedding ring, but when she clicked on her phone to look at her calendar, I could see from her lock screen that she has a boyfriend.”

“So?” I ask, just like last time. “What does that have to do with her ability to do her job?”

And even though I know what to expect, I’m hoping that somehow the universe has shifted, and Zach isn’t about to say what I think he’s going to say.

Spoiler alert: He is about to say what I think he’s going to say.

“Well, no offense,” Zach says on cue. “But what’s the point in hiring her if she’s just going to get married, and then pregnant, and then quit to be a stay-at-home mom?”

It sounds just as terrible now as it did the first time. Maybe even worse. And I can remember that first time so clearly. For a moment, I was too stunned to say anything. And then I hopped off my barstool, got in his face, and yelled, “Are you kidding me? That’s so fucking stupid.”

Last time, Zach’s eyes grew wide as he backed away from me like I was a zoo animal let out of my cage. Conversations around us trailed off, and someone muttered, “Whoa,” as the other guys from Alex’s firm looked over at us. And then Alex took me by the arm and murmured, “Sadie…”

“What?” I demanded louder. “You don’t agree with that bullshit, do you?”

“No, of course not.” Alex shot Zach a hard look. “Dude, tone it down, okay?” he murmured.

“Tone it down?” I looked back and forth between Alex and Zach. “How about, dude, don’t have shitty, sexist attitudes about women in the first place? Ones that are probably illegal.” My voice rose even higher, and I was attracting the attention of not just Alex’s colleagues, but strangers across the bar, too.

I can still picture Zach turning bright red and then sort of purple. His gaze swept across the groups of people looking on. “It was a joke,” he huffed.

I leveled a stare at him. “No, it wasn’t.”

“Okay,” Alex cut in. “Zach and I can talk about this at the office tomorrow. Sadie, why don’t we head out?” And that was when I noticed his clenched jaw and jerky movements as he pulled on his coat. He didn’t look up as we walked past the other guys from his office, but I saw him flinch when a couple of them snickered.

I’ll never forget the fight we had out on the sidewalk. It wasn’t what I’d said, Alex insisted. Of course he agreed with me that Zach was an ass with antiquated attitudes about women. Of course he was going to discuss it with Zach tomorrow. “But Sadie, I wish you’d talked to me instead of making a scene in front of the entire bar.” If the story got around to Dave, his boss—and I could bet it would get around to Dave—did I have any idea what this could do to his career?

“But if Dave doesn’t agree with me,” I argued, “he’s as bad as Zach.”

“Dave can agree with you and still not want his employees to make a public scene while half of Wall Street is watching. The whole firm’s reputation is at stake.”

A tiny part of me understood what he was saying. But the bigger part dug her heels in. “You didn’t make a scene. I did.”

I remember Alex shaking his head, shoulders drooping. “What you do reflects on me. It affects my career.”

He hailed me a cab instead of suggesting we go back to his place. When I called him the next morning, Alex assured me things were fine, but his voice remained cold. Eventually, we moved past it, and everything seemed to go back to normal. But now I know that he never completely got over it, and I would only dig myself even deeper the next time we hung out with his work friends.

Now I know this was the beginning of the end for me and Alex.

But it’s my second chance year, and it doesn’t have to be the end. As Zach’s shocking, obnoxious words come back to me, I realize I have a chance to do it differently.

I take a deep, cleansing breath. I count backward from ten. I repeat I will not cause a scene, I will not cause a scene in my head like a mantra. But you know what? It’s not as easy as it sounds. Because I really, really want to cause a scene. Zach’s smug face is making my skin crawl, and his smirky smile is just begging for me to reach over and—

I spin in my chair and turn to Alex. And his words come back to me, too.

I wish you’d talked to me.

“Honey, can we go outside for a second?” Before he can respond, I slide off my stool, grab his hand, and drag him through the crowded bar toward the door.