The Second Chance Year(14)
“Were you hoping to find Owen?” Jacob asks. “Does he have a spare key to your place?”
I nod stupidly. “Um, yeah, that’s exactly why I’m here.”
“I don’t have any plans to see him today, but if you want to call him, you’re welcome to come in and wait.”
For a second, I am so tempted to take him up on his offer. This building, his apartment, it was my home for months. Inexplicably, I long for my little bedroom, the bright, spacious living room, and that plaid blanket on the couch.
Except that I never lived here. It was never my apartment, or my bedroom, and I’ve never been wrapped up in that plaid blanket. I never reached over and took those glasses off Jacob’s face, or kissed him, or even had a conversation with him of any substance at all. I need to go home. My actual home. Ten blocks from here.
My hand closes around the key to my apartment, in the pocket where I tucked it this morning. It’s attached to a lone silver ring, no purple unicorn in sight. “Oh, look! Never mind. I found my key after all.” I hold it up.
“Oh,” Jacob says, his voice dropping. “Great.” I’m sure he’s relieved he doesn’t have to wait with me until my brother comes to the rescue. The slump in his shoulders is entirely my imagination.
I’m about to say goodbye and turn to leave, when something comes over me, and I stop right in front of him. It must be my complete shock and exhaustion because I blurt out, “How was your New Year’s, Jacob?”
His eyebrows rise, and of course he’s surprised that I asked. We’re not friendly. We don’t chitchat. He’s my brother’s friend and I’m his best friend’s sister, and that’s all we are to each other. It’s all we’ve ever been.
Well, except that one time.
That one time technically he knows nothing about.
“Uh,” he finally stammers. “It was quiet. I have a deadline for a project, so I mostly worked.” He pauses for a minute as if he’s waiting for me to give him the punch line. Otherwise, why would I be talking to him like this? When I don’t say anything, he cocks his head and, in a slightly wary voice, asks, “How was your New Year’s, Sadie?”
And just like that, I’m back there, with his body pressing against mine, his hand in my hair, his mouth on my neck. I pull my coat tightly around me against the January wind (sure, that’s what’s making me shiver) and look down at the pavement. “Oh, you know.” I shrug. “Just a party with some of Alex’s friends.”
“Well, I hope it was a fun night.”
It was, Jacob. It was so much fun. Until you told me it was all a horrible mistake.
For a second, I worry I’ve gone so far off the deep end that I’ve said it out loud. My gaze flies to his face, and he’s looking at me like he’s not sure what to make of me. I grasp for a subject change. “What are you working on? Your project with the deadline, I mean. What is it?”
Jacob shoves his gloved hands into the pockets of his charcoal peacoat, and I can’t help but notice how perfectly it fits him across his broad shoulders. “Really?” he finally asks.
“Really, what?”
“Do you really want to know what I’m working on?”
If I close my eyes, I can still hear those beautiful, haunting notes from the song he played on the piano. The song he wrote. “I asked, didn’t I?” It sounds more defensive than I intended, but that song brings up all kinds of feelings I don’t want to think about. “I mean, yes,” I say, more gently this time. “I want to know.”
“Well…” He looks at me sideways. “It’s the soundtrack for a film. Science fiction. Directed by Joshua James.”
Now it’s my turn. “Really?” Joshua James is legit famous. Not like Steven Spielberg famous, of course, but he’s directed a bunch of award-winning sci-fi films.
“I take it that surprises you.”
“No…,” I protest. But then, “Well, okay, maybe a little.” Joshua James films are less the alien-apocalypse type of sci-fi, and more the man-goes-out-into-the-universe-to-find-himself kind. The kind where a slightly aging heartthrob actor takes on a serious role to secure his legacy and generate Oscar buzz. It actually makes perfect sense. “An introspective Joshua James film seems like the right place for your music.”
“Thanks?” Jacob looks at me with his brows knit together, and I get that this is all a bit astonishing. We’ve never had a conversation this long, or this personal.
Except that one time. That one time that never really happened.
Jacob adjusts the scarf around his neck, and lord, am I a sucker for a man in a peacoat with a well-placed scarf. Seriously, how did it take me this long to notice how attractive he is?
“So…” He looks down at me. Make that a sucker for a tall man in a peacoat and well-placed scarf. “I was going to run out for coffee before I get back to work. Um…” He cocks his head. “Do you want to come?”
I hesitate. Does he really want to hang out with me?
Probably not. Did you hear that pause before the Do you want to come? I’m standing here on his front step looking slightly unbalanced, half a mile from home. Jacob is just watching out for his best friend’s sister. He feels sorry for me, again. But suddenly, I don’t care why he’s asking. I don’t want to be alone right now in this strange time loop. And something about Jacob, my former-but-not-really roommate, comforts me right now.