The Sky Beneath Her(18)

Our cabin wasn’t generous by shipping standards and was a letdown from where I’d been. But it was the best the Oceanus had to offer, and it was only temporary.

Outside the door, I heard William pause as if listening to the sound of my feet padding around the room. Finally, his footsteps echoed down the hallway.

I rejected fear and her cousin desperation. Both were vicious sirens who always lurked close by, ready to lure me toward destruction. In the United States the war would be so far away, and soon, once I had what I needed from William, the war, the Germans, and the losses would fade like a dream.





Chapter Six


Gertrude





Monday, April 20, 1942, 3:30 p.m.


Four days until the Oceanus is torpedoed


Land had fallen out of sight, and we were surrounded by endless choppy waters smacking against the ship. My stomach curled in knots.

The currents of the Danube River, bordered by muddy banks, might have felt trivial compared to the Atlantic’s mighty rolling waves, but they were just as dangerous. Though I’d put miles between myself and Strauss’s blue Danube, its waters flowed west to east, dumping into the Black Sea before trickling into the Aegean and Mediterranean Seas and finally the Atlantic Ocean. I imagined some of those waters now sliding past the Oceanus, circling the hull of the ship named for the Greek god who’d fathered the river creatures. Four years ago, I’d stood on the Danube’s banks and struck a deal with those gods when I’d tossed my wedding coin into the sliding waters.

I drew in a breath. You won’t escape me. The words whispered close to my ear.

A knock on my door had me turning. “Yes?”

“It’s Chief Mate Riggs. Captain Stoddard asked me to check in on you and deliver you a lunch plate.”

I unlatched the chain and opened the door. I’d barely noticed him when I’d boarded the ship, but now I had a clear view of his face. The seaman was a pleasant-looking man with thick dark hair that swept across his forehead. Crow’s-feet radiated from brown eyes. And when he smiled, his sun-drenched skin set off even white teeth.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

My rounded belly was hidden by the partially opened door.

“I am well, thank you.”

He held up the tray. “The lunch hour passed, but the captain said you might want to eat. The baby must be hungry.”

Baby. I am not afraid, I reminded myself. Early in my pregnancy, I’d ignored the baby’s existence. I’d blamed the morning illness on poor food, stress, and dread until the physician had confirmed my fears. Whatever creature was inside always pulled at me now.

I am not afraid. The mantra, worn bare now, had lost most of its power as it was overshadowed by my growing belly. I fully opened the door and accepted the tray. “You are very kind.”

“You’ll get in touch if you need any help? The captain wants you to ask for any assistance.”

I’d seen the astonished looks on the sailors’ faces when they’d seen my large stomach. The men were terrified I’d deliver on the ship. “Of course.”

He dropped his voice. “Are you really well?”

“Very well.”

“If you’re still hungry, the first dinner seating is at six. You will join us?”

“I hadn’t planned on it.” I braced against the door as the ocean swayed beneath the ship. I hadn’t traveled by water for over two months, and my sea legs had abandoned me. The rolling water felt unnatural, and I craved solid ground.

His eyes brightened. “I’d be happy to escort you around the deck after dinner.”

“Very kind, but I will manage.”

Disappointment chipped at his smile. “Of course.”

“I’ve been on the ship since Cape Town,” he added. He’d missed my cue to leave. “The food is good, and you’ll find the company acceptable. You’ve met Dr. Brooks. He’s promised to entertain us with his cards and charms tonight.”

“I don’t have formal wear.” I owned the frock I wore and two others. And unfortunately, the best of the three was tight around my waist.

“We don’t stand on ceremony on the Oceanus.”

My manner of dress was the very least of my fears or worries. What bothered me most was that I might become the topic of conversation among strangers. The human mind liked having neat facts, and if there were no answers to be found to questions, the brain filled the cracks with fiction and speculation. It didn’t matter if their theories were right or wrong. They were as real to them as fact. I could not risk their gossip for the remaining five days.

“I will consider it.”

“Excellent.” He bowed slightly.

I closed and locked the door. I set the rattling tray on the table and lay down on my bunk. My body reverberated with fatigue. I wanted to pull the blankets over my head and sleep for the next year. In that year, the distance between the past and me would have widened, and perhaps the world would have changed for the better.

I rested knitted fingers across my chest. The cabin rocked back and forth, creaking and moaning as if trying to soothe me.

You are safe here now, the waters whispered.

“I’m not safe anywhere.” My husband’s reach was far, and he would not rest until he found me.