The Sky Beneath Her(86)
“My mother . . . she didn’t. She wasn’t trying to hurt me. She just only knew one way to live her life.”
“I get that. I do. And even though I was pissed at her for years for putting you in that position, I still admire her. Because she lived her life, you know.”
“Unlike me, is that it?”
“Your words.” Kaitlin picked up her beer. “Why did you come back? Why are you here?”
“Good question.” I grabbed my purse and shoved my feet into the flip-flops.
“Running again?”
“Best of luck. I really hope you make all this work. The surfing is something special.”
“Where are you going?”
“Back to the house in Southern Shores. The auctioneer will be there tomorrow. I want to get the house on the market as soon as possible. And get on with my life.”
“In a cubicle?”
“What do you care?” I shouted. “It’s my choice.”
Her jaw hardened. “I’ll pay you back.”
“Okay. Pay me back when you can. The office job pays well, and I don’t need the money.”
“What’s going on with you?”
Everything. Nothing felt right. I was drowning. “Overwhelmed. Disappointed in myself.”
Instead of sympathy, I saw steely resolve. “What are you going to do about it?”
No pity party or soft landing from Kaitlin. It was up to me. “I’m calling Nathan. Time to dive the Oceanus.”
Kaitlin blinked. “I wasn’t quite expecting that. You don’t have to do anything that extreme. Dive in a pool, walk along the beach, swim in the surf. You don’t have to go to DEFCON ten.”
Living in a military town had taught me a few things. “One.”
“One, what?”
“One is the highest level. Five is the lowest.”
She shook her head. “You get my point.”
The muscles in my chest constricted. But I couldn’t express my feelings out loud. And as Mom used to say, Once you speak words, their power grows.
“I get it. And I’m diving that damn wreck.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Tula
Tuesday, June 16, 2026, 8:00 p.m.
Me: I want to dive the Oceanus.
I’d texted Nathan right after I’d left Kaitlin’s and climbed into my car. If I’d given myself five more minutes, I’d have found an excuse not to dive. He responded almost immediately.
Nathan: Where are you now?
Me: At Kaitlin’s.
Nathan: Come back to my place.
Seeing him again tonight wouldn’t solve anything. Too much emotion churning in me. OK.
I tossed the phone into my lap and gripped the wheel. I nosed my car south back toward his condo. When I spotted his truck parked out front, I almost kept going. I didn’t need to justify myself to anyone.
But I needed to prove something to myself.
I parked next to his truck and grabbed my purse. The walk to his front door felt so long compared to an hour ago. After hesitating for what felt like years, I rang his bell.
When he opened the door, he was wearing the same T-shirt and shorts, and his feet were bare. His dark hair was dry, and the thick strands, now curling at the nape of his neck, swept over his forehead. My mouth was sand-dry.
“Is your hair ever tamed?” I asked.
“Not often. It’s kind of a trademark.”
“I envy that freedom.”
He cocked a brow. “Why envy it? Live it.”
My body tensed with fear. “Right.”
“You really are serious. You’re still going to dive, right?”
Doubts tugged at me, trying to pull me back. “Yes.”
“You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. I think the dive would be good for you, but you don’t have to.”
“I have something to prove to myself.”
“What?”
“That I haven’t lost who I was.”
“Fair enough.”
He stepped aside and motioned for me to come in. My soda still sat on the counter next to his. This time, I noticed his shoes were lined up by the front door, his rain slicker was hung on a peg, and his dive equipment was arranged in a neat row against a wall.
“Still a stickler for routine?” I asked.
He closed the door. “Can’t help it. Only way to keep your sanity when you’re on the road.”
“I’ve been landlocked for seven years. No issues with finding anything in all that time. Then I move here, and I’m convinced the Brooks house is hiding things from me.”
He chuckled. “I have no patience for searching for lost anything. I need to know where all my stuff is, or I can’t sleep.”
“Yeah.” I picked up the soda. It was warmer.
His eyes narrowed. “Why the sudden change of heart?”
I took a gulp and set the can down. “Kaitlin and I had a fight.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“I don’t.”
“You sound like your mother.”
“Shut up.”
He laughed. “Is diving about Kaitlin or your mother?”
This dive wasn’t about Kaitlin or Mom. For the first time ever, it was about me. “Me. It’s about me. I can’t ignore the ocean any longer. It won’t allow it.”