The Thrashers(86)

Her broken rib hurt like a mother. Rosa kept her home from school for the first week of recovery, and as much as Jodi begged, she wouldn’t let her drop by the theater lab to check on the backdrop. The theater lab was the one place she felt like she had some control over anything in her life. She created things there, and it was torture to stay in bed while Oliver kept the scenic lab freshmen away from her unfinished backdrop.

It was a week of schoolwork, puzzles with Grandma, and phone calls to replace everything she’d lost in the car. She kept in touch with Oliver about the play, and her friends checked on her—all of them except Julian. She’d heard nothing from him since he’d dragged her onto the river bank.

On Wednesday, Jodi gingerly lowered herself to sit at the card table with Grandma. She was piecing together a puzzle of a vase filled with brightly colored flowers. She had been wanting to ask Grandma about her mother ever since the deposition, to see if Buechler and Harding were right. But there was never a good time to ask someone if their daughter killed themselves. But today, Grandma brought her up.

“Your mother broke her leg in sixth grade,” she said. “She didn’t whine as much as you.”

Jodi laughed, and stopped when her rib ached. “How did she break it?”

“She was trying to show off for the older kids. Herminia always tried to be older than she was.”

Her fingers paused in their reach for an edge piece. “Who?” Jodi asked.

“Herminia Josephina Rodriguez,” Grandma said. “She hated it, so she asked to be called Josephine.”

“My mother’s first name was Herminia?”

Grandma nodded. Jodi stared at the puzzle pieces.

Nan had been right. The H name. It had been her mother trying to be heard over Emily.

She wants you to go to Rosa’s.

Swallowing back the lump in her throat, Jodi asked, “Was my mother sad? Was she depressed?”

Grandma pushed a purple flower into place and took a deep breath. “Sadness comes and goes. Herminia had more of it than others.”

Jodi’s eyes brimmed with tears. She wanted to ask more—if her mother had taken those pills on purpose, if she’d locked the door on purpose, if she’d brought Jodi into the tub, knowing what would happen. But Grandma excused herself to make tea.

Jodi finished the edge pieces for her instead.



* * *



The following week, Jodi came home from her first day back at school, immediately grabbed more painkillers for her ribs, and sat down to open her college portal. The halls had been drowning in news of college acceptance letters that day, and Jodi could barely concentrate through the end of her classes, anxious to get to a computer since she didn’t have a phone still.

Jodi took a deep breath and typed in her password.

California Institute of the Arts is pleased to accept you into our Theatrical Design and Production program.



Bright joy filled her chest. Jodi beamed at the screen. She was going to CalArts.

She ran to the living room and found Rosa and Grandma watching TV, and without preamble, she burst out, “I got into CalArts!”

Rosa screamed and threw her popcorn in the air.

Jodi clapped her hand over her smile and couldn’t help the giddy laughter that poured out of her, despite the pain in her ribs. Grandma danced and kissed her cheek, and Rosa started crying.

“I know I still have to hear about financial aid.” Jodi wiped away the tears that had started to fall.

Rosa hushed her. “Don’t worry about that now. We will figure it out, I promise you.”

Grandma got on the phone and started telling all of her friends, and Rosa started making a cake to celebrate. Jodi thought about calling her dad, but wondered if he might immediately think about money instead of letting her live in this moment.

She decided to wait. As she went to her laptop to type in the group chat, she realized that the rest of her friends were having their college dreams shattered. Maybe she could wait a little longer to tell them, too. Maybe after the trials.

Rosa took Jodi to get a new phone the next day. Once she’d transferred her apps and contacts and made sure she still had access to her pictures, she checked in with Paige about her concussion and asked about Kiera.

does she still think she saw emily on the bridge?

Paige typed back, she told the doctors and police that she hadnt been sleeping and thought she saw someone but she said maybe she didnt. zack tried to reach out to her but she said she wanted space.

Jodi frowned. She didn’t think Kiera would drive them off a bridge on purpose, but she wondered if exhaustion was really to blame.

With her phone finally in her hand, she was anxious to check on everyone. She hovered over Julian’s number, wondering what to say.

Maybe thank you? If he hadn’t been so quick to get to her, it might have been too late.

The day before, he’d greeted her with a nod from across the room, but didn’t follow her to her locker or ask for notes like he used to. So he wasn’t ignoring her. They just weren’t friends. Again. It was strange how used to him she’d gotten.

Jodi typed generic greetings and deleted them. She typed long-winded paragraphs thanking him for coming for her and deleted them. She took a deep breath and ran her hand through her hair, tugging on the roots. Her chest was tight, and it had nothing to do with the pain in her ribs. There was nothing to say that felt right.