The Thrashers(91)

She tugged out of his grip, air thin, mind slow. She needed to get out.

“I can’t believe you did this,” Zack snarled to Julian, and she felt like her line had been stolen.

“I know,” Julian replied glibly. “Simply awful of me, isn’t it? What can I say”—he slid his hands in his pockets while slipping out the door—“I’m opportunistic like that.”

The metal door snapped shut. Jodi stared after him, ignoring Zack. It was quiet with just the mess of paint and the gore of Julian’s confession between them.

“Let me explain.”

Her eyes pressed closed. He barreled on.

“It was an accident. It was one time. She was there for me when I was having a really bad day, and it was a mistake.”

Jodi’s throat closed. How many bad days had she sat with him for. How many mistakes had she watched him make.

“We didn’t … we didn’t finish—”

“I have to go.” Tears poured down her cheeks. She needed to clean up the scenic lab, but it would have to wait. “I have to go,” she repeated, and turned over her shoulder to say clearly to him, “Don’t follow me.”

She took the side exit out to the parking lot, and muggy wind battered her face. She moved quickly across the asphalt, barefoot. Shoes left next to the paint can.

He didn’t follow her out, and she realized that Julian would have. No matter what she told him to do, he would come after her.

He’s using you! You don’t see that?!

Was he? Could every positive thing be traced back to the subpoena?

Her feet carried her away from the noise of the gym and the car line for the kids who needed bailing out after only an hour. If she had a parent, she might have been able to call her own bailout. Her mind flew to the night Julian had come to pick her up when her dad was long gone. And the two-hour drive he’d flown through to get back to her, to save her from a party gone wrong.

Julian had known about Emily and Zack. For how long? Since it happened? Or since it came out in Emily’s journal?

If the journal was right about that, what else was it right about? Had Emily tried to kill herself last April? Had Jodi inadvertently stopped her with her words? Had Lucy thrown a bottle at Emily from her car window?

Jodi was on Fair Oaks by the time her mind caught up with her body. There were no good sidewalks on the boulevard. She crossed at an intersection and kept walking to a less crowded street, her feet taking a beating against rocks and cigarette butts. She had her house key for her dad’s. It was mostly inhabitable still and the only place she could go to be alone. That’s all she wanted.

She walked home in her splattered prom dress, wondering how Zack could have possibly let himself do that to Emily. Had he been lying when he’d joined the conversation on how annoying she was, how strange? Did he have feelings for her that he hadn’t wanted to admit? Jodi didn’t know what was worse, Zack having feelings for Emily or him not. Because if he didn’t … and she was just there. Just convenient. What did that mean?

She got back to her dad’s house, let herself inside, and set the water to hot in the tub. She sat on the edge of the porcelain in her painted prom dress and ignored the memory of how it had gotten that way as the water swirled black and pink around her feet. She cried, tears dripping into the bathwater.

She peeled her dress off and left it in a heap, shimmied into boxers and a tee, and slipped under the covers before the tears started to fall again.





Chapter Twenty-Six





“What color is your prom dress?”

Jodi closed her locker door to find Emily, standing too close. “It’s like an aquamarine thing,” she said noncommittally.

“Do you want to see mine?”

Jodi grimaced. “Sure.”

Emily showed her a picture on her phone. She was in front of a mirror, wearing a fluffy pink dress. Jodi stared at it.

“Is that … I think Paige wore that dress to homecoming last year.”

Emily nodded brightly. Jodi’s eyebrows jumped. She thought she was gently letting her know that she’d need to change her dress. But Emily had done it on purpose?

“Well, I’m sure it will look good on you,” Jodi said. She started to walk away.

“So there’s a limo?”

She stopped, turning back to Emily. There was a limo. But Jodi didn’t know how Emily knew.

Jodi stared at her. “I think … I think the limo is full, Emily.”

But Emily just smiled brightly. “Well, see you tomorrow night!” She tugged Jodi’s body into a firm hug that Jodi didn’t return. When Emily pulled back, her fingers traced down the side of Jodi’s face. “I can’t wait. You’re going to look so beautiful.”

Jodi swallowed. She should tell her. She should say, “Emily, you’re not coming in the limo.” But Jodi was always the one who had to go to movies with her. She was always going over to her house to study. Why did Jodi have to be the one to break her heart?

“I’ll see you at the dance, okay?”

Emily just grinned.



* * *



In the shower the next morning, Jodi scrubbed off the crusted gray paint, each patch a reminder of where Julian had put his hands. She took a rough rag and scraped until the flakes pried loose from her body. She washed the gel out of her hair and tried a bunch of self-care skin scrubs and facial masks—anything to keep her mind off the night before.