This Book Made Me Think of You(86)
“You won’t be. You love Raj, don’t you?”
Harper smiles, adjusting her flowers. “He drives me mad sometimes, but I do.”
“There we go,” says Tilly, brushing a loose thread off Harper’s jumpsuit. “Now all you have to do is say that again in there. Although maybe lose the first bit.”
“Thank you, Sis. I’m really glad you’re here.”
“Shall we do this then?” says their mum, linking arms with Tilly. She is dressed in a pink dress with a full skirt, while Tilly is in red silk that skims her hips and matches the trailing ribbon on the bouquet of pink and red roses that she carries. She wonders what Alfie will think when he sees her in it, trying to tell herself she doesn’t care.
“Let’s get you married,” their father says to Harper with a smile, and Tilly tries her best to hold it together as she remembers him saying the exact same words to her. The day of her wedding comes back in a rush. They just about got through their vows, stumbling slightly at “in sickness and in health” and “till death do us part.” And when the celebrant announced them as married, the small congregation erupted into cheers that could be heard from the street outside.
The music starts up, the door opens, and Tilly takes a breath, following her sister and father into the crowd, her eyes searching the familiar faces of family and friends until she spots Alfie. The whole room is looking at Harper. But his eyes are fixed solely on her.
* * *
—
The remnants of a long and rowdy wedding dinner have been cleared away and the tables pushed up against the walls to create a dance floor that glitters with lights. Cocktails are served, and Harper and Raj mingle among their guests, both looking flushed and somewhat disheveled. There’s music playing over speakers as a band sets up in the corner. The evening guests have started to arrive, Harper and Raj greeting everyone in turn and telling each of them how much they love them.
“They look like they’re having a good time,” Alfie says from his position at Tilly’s side, where he has remained all day. It feels strange to see him looking so smart and in an outfit that seems perfectly cut to him, the sharp lines of his dark green jacket emphasizing his broad shoulders, the color bringing out the amber in his eyes.
“And champagne,” he adds. “They look like they’ve been having a lot of champagne.”
They’re sitting at the quiet end of the bar, on stools pushed close together.
“How are you doing?” he asks, shifting so he’s turned away from the rest of the room. He has diligently kept her topped up with drinks and tissues all day, helping steer her away from family members who wanted to grill her a little too intensely about how she’s really doing.
“OK,” she replies. “A bit tired. Smiling is tiring.”
“You don’t have to smile if you don’t feel like it. Not with me anyway.”
In the background the sound of laughter rises over the bubble of conversation.
“I know. That’s why I invited you. Thank you for being here.”
“Of course. And besides, I love a wedding. I mean, look at this cocktail.” He lifts the pink concoction into the air, red rose petals floating on the surface. “You’d have to have a heart of stone not to find this cocktail adorable.”
He smiles, one of his proper ones, and something catches in her throat as their eyes meet.
“Everybody, the first dance is about to start!”
A ripple of excitement spreads throughout the room, people gathering around the edges of the dance floor. The bride and groom move hand in hand toward it, everyone clapping and whooping and then quietening as the band members get ready, give a little nod to one another before beginning to play.
The slow, soulful notes of a cover of Amy Winehouse’s “There’s No Greater Love” fills the room, and Harper rests her head on Raj’s chest, his arms looped around her waist. Shards of light fall on their faces, their eyes softly closed. Tilly finds herself suddenly struggling to breathe.
“?’Scuse me,” she whispers, slipping out onto the balcony. The air is bitterly cold, the lights of the city spread out before her as she hugs her arms tightly around herself and tries to take deep breaths.
A moment later Alfie is there beside her, the music sounding loudly again and then muffling as he closes the door behind him. He doesn’t say anything at first, just fiddles with a switch on one of the gas braziers. It bursts to life, and he reaches for a blanket off the back of one of the outdoor chairs, draping it over Tilly’s shoulders, guiding them both to a bench facing the heater. As they sit down, he reaches into his pocket for a travel-size pack of tissues and passes them to her.
“You must have bought the store out of tissues,” she says as she takes one and sniffs loudly.
“Best to be prepared. Weddings always make me cry.”
He doesn’t say anything else, just waits as she wipes her eyes and tucks her hair behind her ears. Clean-shaven, his jawline looks sharper than she had realized. She can see the whole of his face now and runs her eyes across it, taking in every detail—the mole below his bottom lip, the tiniest dot of red on his cheek where he must have nicked himself shaving, his skin, which looks soft to the touch.
“I am happy for her, I really am,” she says. “I know it doesn’t look like it right now.” She attempts a little smile, blowing her nose again. She pictures Harper and Raj dancing together, holding one another tightly as they dream about forever.