This Book Made Me Think of You(97)

“It’s wonderful, thank you,” Alfie says, his voice rough with feeling. “And you’re right. Now that the shop is safe…maybe there’s space for books and adventures.”

“There are a lot of great rocks out there in the world,” Tilly says as he pauses on a series of photos of mountaintops.

“There are,” Alfie replies with a laugh. He strokes the book’s page and says, “I always thought it was either-or. Either take over the bookshop or see the world, but maybe…maybe I can have both.”

“You’ve got some pretty great staff,” says Tilly with a smile. “I think they can handle taking on more responsibility. Maybe they’d even enjoy it.”

“You’re right,” Alfie replies. “I guess I’ve felt in the past that I’ve had to do everything myself. That asking for help was a sign of weakness. But today showed me that I’m not on my own.”

Tilly’s stomach tightens. At the start of the year, she thought she was alone too. But today has reminded her that isn’t true. She has lost so much, but there is still so much left that is worth holding on to. That is worth holding on for.

Alfie closes the book, smoothing the cover gently with his hand. “Thank you, Tilly. Now it’s your turn. Turn yours over.”

As she flips the parcel over, she freezes. The word “January” is written on a sticky label.

“It’s technically a January present, not a Christmas present,” says Alfie, looking at her closely, his expression suddenly nervous. “But I thought you might like it today. It’s also only part of your present. There will be eleven more next year. I can send you the rest when I have your new address.”

Tilly holds the parcel, her hands shaking.

“Is this…”

“A year of books,” Alfie finishes for her with a nod. “And I know this is absolutely not the same as your books from Joe, but I thought you might still like to have a book to look forward to each month. I thought a set of new books might help you through the next year, whatever it brings.”

Tilly says nothing, she just holds the parcel tightly in her hands, her heart racing and a lump caught in her throat.

“Is that OK?” He looks at her with an expression that is both hopeful and anxious. When Tilly manages to speak, her voice comes out as a whisper.

“Alfie, it’s perfect.”

She wipes her eyes, her heart pounding. “But wait, how did you know that I’m moving?”

His throat moves as he swallows. “Raj told me at the wedding about New York.”

“Oh…” she says slowly.

“And I think it’s great,” he adds hurriedly.

“You do?”

“Raj said it was an amazing opportunity. I’m happy for you. You deserve it.”

The shop is quiet and still around them, the street outside busy with people heading to the local pub for Christmas Eve drinks. But in here it’s just them. And Georgette, who is now snoring softly. Tilly glances around at the empty shelves, imagining Alfie repainting and John moving in upstairs and her not being here to see it.

“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me since the wedding?”

He flinches, shifting about on the spot. “I’m sorry. I just thought with you leaving it might make things…easier, if I kept my distance. I didn’t want our stuff to complicate things. Even if it was the best kiss of my life.”

Her heart pounds. But as she looks at him everything else seems to still.

“Alfie, I’m not moving to New York.”

“What?”

He looks up at her, his long-lashed eyes shining.

“I have decided to sell my flat. I’ve been wanting to tell you about it. But I’m hoping to stay in the area, if I can find somewhere. I just thought it might be time for a fresh start in a new place.”

“You’re not taking the job in America? But I thought it was your dream job?”

“Maybe it was once. But this past year has changed what I thought I wanted. It’s changed me. And I realized I don’t want to go back to that life—working crazy hours in an office, always being on call. Helping famous people write famous books. It’s not what I want.”

“So, what are you going to do?” Alfie asks.

“I’m going freelance,” Tilly replies, feeling a buzz of both nerves and excitement as she says it. “I want to work with new writers, helping them get their books ready to send out to agents and publishers. I want to help them at that very early stage when they’re feeling lost and not sure if they have a story. My friend Rachel is going to be my first client. I did one round of edits for her for free, but she’s insisted on paying me for the next round. And she’s already referred me to her friends in her writers’ group. And after that…well, I’ll see how it goes. Maybe I’ll have to take a permanent job in the future, but I like the idea of the freedom of working like this. I can do it how and when and wherever I like. And life is too short not to try.”

Alfie fixes her with a look that makes her heart skip. She is very aware of the space between them, just a couple of paces. It’s a small shop, after all.

“So you’re staying.”

She nods. Then: “I thought you regretted what happened on the balcony.”