Till Summer Do Us Part(116)

He pauses for a second and then asks, “Wait…really?”

I nod.

“So all of this…it was…it was a farce?”

I cover my face and let out a small sob, shaking my head. “God, I’m so stupid.”

Gingerly, he pats my back, and I take that as his uncomfortable way of trying to comfort me. But he shouldn’t have to be comforting me, because this is all a lie. My entire relationship with Wilder, it’s been a lie, and I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, but now that Chad is coming to me for advice on how to fix his marriage, I can see it’s very much a big deal. Because I don’t want people getting the wrong impression about me and Wilder, thinking that maybe some communication can solve things, because that’s not true at all.

I tried communicating with Matt.

And look where I am now…at a marriage camp with a fake husband, learning that there are actually good men out there. I had just married a dud.

Despite a slight concern this could backfire on me, I decide honesty is better for Chad. It’s time to be honest all around. That’s probably the best way to step forward.

“Wilder is not my husband,” I say. “He’s my best friend’s brother. He came with me here to pretend to be my husband. The fighting, the arguing, it was all a farce.” I turn to look at Chad through watery eyes. “I was trying to fit in at work, and when you called me out in the conference room, I…I just felt like I needed to save face, so I went along with the lie. I’m so sorry, Chad. It was stupid, and I shouldn’t have made you think that my marriage could be so easily fixed when that’s not the case at all. Because the reality is I was married to a man named Matt, and we couldn’t work it out. I carry that guilt with me every day, something I didn’t realize until I came here. So yeah, don’t come to me for marriage advice, because my marriage failed.”

Silence falls between us, and I don’t blame him. What can he really say to that?

“Wow,” he says, and I brace myself for the snide comments, for the victory parade that he’s in the right and I’m in the wrong, but instead, he turns toward the lake and says, “I’m sorry, Scottie.”

“What?” I say, wiping at my eyes.

“I’m sorry. I know what it feels like to have your marriage slip through your fingers, watching it slowly float away, and no matter what you do, you can’t do anything about it. I’m really fucking sorry.”

Umm, wow. Was not expecting that. Chad taking the high road. I’m…I’m shocked.

“Thank you,” I answer softly. “I’m sorry about you and your wife. Matt and I never tried to get pregnant, and I think it’s because when we were ready, we both kind of knew that it wasn’t something that would help the marriage, only hinder it, so I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”

“Yeah, it’s not easy.” He blows out a heavy breath and then lightly chuckles. “You know, at first, I thought that maybe something was up, something was fishy, but then the more I watched you, the more I pushed that thought away. And to be honest, you had me fooled. I could have sworn you and Wilder were married. The way you two interact together, how he looks at you…it seems real, at least from the outside.”

I press my lips together, more tears coming to my eyes. “It, uh, it turned into something when we were here. I wasn’t expecting it, but yeah, there are feelings between us.”

“Then why are you crying?” he asks.

“Because I’m scared,” I answer honestly. “I put my whole heart into my marriage, but I was ignored. My needs were ignored. He wasn’t interested in me, and it did a number on my confidence. When I moved to New York, I was trying to start a new journey, a new chapter, but I realized that it was pretty hard with all the baggage I was carrying. Wilder, he opened my eyes to that baggage and had me face it head-on with him by my side. He made me see my worth and made me stand up for myself. He’s been so different from Matt, and that…that scares me, because I can see myself growing attached—”

“But you don’t want to get hurt again,” Chad finishes for me.

“I can’t get hurt again,” I say softly. “I’m still so raw, and Wilder previously told me he’s not in a position to know what he wants when it comes to relationships and dating, but he wants to try.”

“But you’re too scared to try when you know you already have an attachment.”

“Correct,” I say, surprised that Chad gets it so well.

“It’s hope,” he says. “It’s debilitating, because when it doesn’t work out, you have to be the one that sits in that crushed hope and figure out how to swim your way out. I get it. I’m there right now. Coming here, to a place we loved before, I had all the hope in the world that we would make things work, but I just don’t think that’s going to happen.” He sighs. “I’m really sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” I say and then put my arm around him and rub his back. “And I’m sorry I lied. I’ll come clean to everyone.”

“No, don’t,” he says. “This can stay between you and me. I get why you did it. We haven’t made it easy for you to fit in at the office.”

“Yeah, but I can’t keep up this farce. People will ask.”