Till Summer Do Us Part(118)

“Are you going to hurt her?” Sanders asks Wilder.

He pauses for a moment, his eyes moving between me and Sanders. Then, in an uncertain tone, he answers, “I don’t want to.”

And that right there…that’s the problem.

That single answer pushes a wave of insecurity through me.

He’s an honest man, I know this about him. Yet he doesn’t seem to give a definitive answer when asked about relationships. It’s an “I don’t want to” or “I think I want that.”

I can’t work with “I think.” I need to know exactly what he wants.

“But you think you might?” Sanders asks.

Wilder looks me in the eyes and then glances down at his hands. “I don’t want to.”

And that’s the answer I was looking for.

That’s the answer I needed.

I like him a lot.

I do.

But until he can figure out what he wants…I can’t risk it. Which means I’m also extremely thankful for what we’ve had. I wouldn’t have learned as much about myself had I not spent this time with Wilder. I wouldn’t have learned that it’s okay to say no to uncertainty. I wouldn’t be able to walk away even if it hurts.





Chapter Twenty-Seven





WILDER

What the hell is wrong with me?

The minute I said it, I knew it was the wrong answer. It was almost as if I could feel Sanders’s internal groan, telling me, “Wrong answer, you fool.”

Trust me, I get it.

“I’m going to go,” Scottie says as she stands. “I need to pack.”

“Scottie,” Ellison says, standing as well.

Scottie turns to her, and I can see tears forming in her eyes.

“Don’t worry about this. I understand the pressure you were under to fit in, and it takes a lot of character to recognize when you were wrong. Take the next few days off, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”

“Really?” Scottie asks.

“Really.”

“Thank you.” She smiles softly. “For what it’s worth, Sanders, you did help me close a chapter on a marriage that I struggled with.”

He nods. “But if you’re still scared, did I really help you close a chapter?”

She worries her lips and then sadly smiles. “Thank you for everything.” She starts to leave, so I get up as well, but Sanders stops me.

“Wilder, a word.”

I glance toward Scottie and then back at him. “Um, sure. Scottie, I’ll meet you in the cabin.”

She takes off, and I sit back down and wait for whatever is to come my way.

He turns to Ellison and says, “Could you give us a moment, darling?”

“Of course.”

She places a kiss on his cheek and then takes off, leaving me alone once again with the man who has the most interesting wardrobe I’ve ever seen.

When the door closes, he picks up a football and tosses it to me. I catch it, and he asks, “What’s the holdup?”

“What do you mean?” I toss it back to him.

“That answer. What’s the holdup on reassuring her that you’re not going to hurt her?”

“I don’t know,” I say. “It was…it was the wrong thing to say, I know that. But what if I do end up hurting her? I don’t want to be that guy.”

“I understand that,” he says, “But let me ask you this.” He tosses me the ball, and I catch it. “If she were to end things right now with you and say that she just wants to be friends, how would that make you feel?”

“Ill,” I say. “Actually fucking ill.” I grip the ball tightly. “I wasn’t expecting to come into this marriage camp thing and grow feelings for someone I’d never met, but every day I spent with her, I started to see how fucking cool she is. How strong she is. How independent and determined. She’s funny, and she challenges me, and I like all that about her.”

“Yeah, I can see that.”

“And I want to prove to her that I can be the man that she needs, but I also want to be careful, because I know that she’s cautious. I just don’t know what the fine line is.”

“The fine line is you’re either in or you’re out,” Sanders says. “With a woman like Scottie, you can’t casually pursue her. You’re either all in, or you don’t do it at all. And I can see it in you. I can see that you can be that man who goes all in. But you have to commit to it. What were your parents like?”

“They had the greatest marriage until they didn’t,” I say. “My dad was in a car accident, became a quadriplegic. It was hard. My mom carried a lot of stress and ended up cheating on my dad. It was really shitty, and I’ve worked through a lot of it in therapy. My brother is still working on it. My relationship with her is decent. My dad passed, and my main concern is taking care of my brother and making sure he’s okay. I don’t want to lose him as well.”

Sanders nods. “Ever think that you’re possibly committing to your brother and that’s why you can’t quite commit to Scottie, because you’re afraid it might stretch you too thin?”

“I…” I pause and think about it. Shit. Is that the holdup?