Till Summer Do Us Part(40)
The crowd laughs, and I find far too much joy in this, as opposed to Scottie, who, I see with one glance in her direction, is clearly trying her hardest to put on a smile and be happy about the fact that she’s stuck in a room with a bunch of married couples. Makes me wonder, is there something she hasn’t filled me in on? Is there a reason why being around all these married couples makes her stiff and uncomfortable?
“As we speak, staff are placing itineraries in your mailboxes that are just outside your cabins. You will receive one of these every day, the night before. Sometimes, they will just be a letter. Other times, they’ll be a package with a challenge. It’s our responsibility as your guides to give you the best experience with your spouse and to cater to the level of your commitment and comfort with each other. Some of you are coming back for a recharge. Some of you are here to have fun, generate a spark you might be missing. And some of you might be going through a more troubling time. Whatever brought you to Camp Haven, we want you to know we hope you find what you’re looking for.”
Inspiring.
If I was truly here to fix my marriage, I’d be ready to tackle the hard stuff.
Pumped.
Frothing to take charge and make up with my girl.
Possibly test out those cock rings…
“Your itinerary must be followed. I understand that you might feel like you want to be pulled in different directions while being here, but we have crafted these itineraries specifically to your situation. There isn’t any wiggle room. We have a process. Please join us in that process so we can give you the best experience. And I hate to bring negativity into this welcome speech, but it must be announced that failure to follow the itinerary will result in a consequence.”
Consequence, huh? Wonder what that could be. Maybe a spanking from our spouse? If that’s the case, catch me being naughty on day one.
“As for your luggage, we did find some contraband in your bags. You received a note if something was taken. At the end of camp, you may receive your contraband back, but at a cost.”
Seriously? Jesus.
Talk about a money grab.
Although Sanders must be doing something right, because all these couples are back here. Maybe they don’t mind being price gouged. Personally, I feel slightly violated that my luggage was pawed through and my Nerds Clusters were confiscated.
Sigh. RIP, Nerds Clusters. RIP.
“Okay, enough with housekeeping, on to our welcome. As tradition, we like to welcome our couples to the stage to introduce themselves. I’ll start with myself and my wife, Ellison. Sweetie, can you please come to the stage?”
The lights dim, and a faint sound of music plays in the background.
What is happening?
I glance over at Scottie, who looks positively horrified, her eyes searching for what’s going to happen next.
The music grows louder and louder until I recognize it as the Bulls intro song, “Sirius.” A smile parts my lips, and I lean back in my chair, ready for whatever they have planned, because this is good.
Fingers crossed. Please let it be a choreographed dance.
Lights flash onstage while two staffers walk up to Sanders, who is holding his arms out, and then at the same time, they tug on his clothes, pulling his outfit apart and revealing a black Bulls jersey. And then from the ground, a basketball appears, and he starts dribbling while a voice-over plays over the music.
“There is no I in team.”
Scottie covers her mouth on a snort.
“There is no Michael without his Scottie.”
I don’t think I’ve ever smiled this large before.
“And there’s no dynasty without teamwork.”
The lights flash on, and out of nowhere, Ellison appears at Sanders’s side, wearing a pair of black booty shorts and a cropped Bulls tank top. Both of them are wearing Air Jordans, both of them decked out in sweatbands. Honestly, this has got to be one of the best things I’ve ever seen.
I couldn’t be happier about saying yes to this experience, because this is what I’m talking about. This is the kind of life I want to see with my own eyes—a couple dressed up as the ’90s Bulls, acting like they’re part of one of the greatest dynasties in sports history.
Someone tosses Sanders a mic. He catches it and then spins a basketball on his finger with the other hand while Ellison squats down and holds on to his leg.
“We are the Martins. Well into our fifties, married for thirty years, and still very much sexually thriving.”
Yikes.
He hands Ellison the mic while he continues to spin his basketball.
“If our marriage has taught us one thing,” she says, “it’s that without effective communication or a game plan, we’re not going to win the trophy.”
Terrible sports analogy, but I’ll let it pass because the lights and fog machines are doing it for me. Hell, when they first came out to the music, I got goose bumps.
“And without a trophy,” she continues as she stands and butts her back up against Sanders’s back, “how can we be the dynasty you look up to?”
Then at the same time, they both shoot their fists up to the sky and bow their heads, and the music and lights shut off.
Cheers erupt from the other couples as the lights start to illuminate the stage again. That’s when I notice everyone standing, cheering them on.
Really, an ovation for that? I mean, it’s not a Meryl Streep performance, but sure, why not stand? I rise with the rest of them and clap, causing Scottie to nearly fall out of her chair as she stands as well.