Till Summer Do Us Part(78)

Let’s not go there.

I take a few deep breaths, and after what feels like an eternity, everything returns to normal. I pee quickly, and then I head back to the tent, where I find Scottie outside brushing her teeth. When her eyes meet mine, they softly smile.

Fuck, she’s pretty. I told her only the facts last night. She’s absolutely gorgeous. But I didn’t tell her that it’s made me wonder if she thinks the same about me. That I’ve wondered if she likes me despite my lack of future ambition. That I’ve wondered if she’d ever consider dating me for real, even though I’m confused as all hell if I really want that. She’s slowly turning me inside out and upside down, and it’s been a long time since I’ve felt that way. If ever.

“I’ve never seen someone exit a tent so fast before.”

Because you were about to find my dick thrusting in your palm, and I wasn’t about to have that.

“Yeah, guess the open air makes me really need to pee,” I say as I pull on the back of my neck.

She chuckles, rinses her mouth, and then says, “Do you think they’re going to come get us this morning?”

“Unsure,” I answer as I pick up my toothbrush as well as a bottle of water and start brushing too.

“Was there breakfast food in the bin?”

I shake my head and then spit my toothpaste out. “Not that I saw.”

“Which means they’re probably going to get us this morning.” She glances at the tent. “Do you think we should take that thing down?”

I finish up with my teeth and then rinse my mouth before answering. “It would be my pleasure to take it down. I’d enjoy nothing more.”

Then together, we start pulling it out of the ground and unsnapping the poles.

“How did you sleep?” I ask her after a few seconds of us silently working together.

She looks over at me, the sun hitting her in this way that makes her look almost…angelic. For a moment, I get lost in the way she can be so effortlessly beautiful in the morning. Her hair rumpled, her cheeks pink, her eyes sleepy but also alert. Christ. Imagine if she woke up like that, but I was looking down at her still wrapped up in my arms?

I can tell you one thing for sure—we would not be taking the tent down.

“I slept pretty good, actually,” she says as she breaks down the poles and gathers them together. “You’re good at snuggling.”

“Now there’s a compliment. Besides my strong chin, I’m a good snuggler—something to keep in mind.”

“Maybe something to put on the dating profile.”

“If I ever joined one of those apps, I would.”

“You haven’t been on them?” she asks, sounding surprised as the tent falls all the way to the ground.

“No,” I answer. “Just…I don’t know, haven’t really thought about being with anyone, and I feel like people who go to those apps, at least the right people, are looking for a relationship, you know? And I don’t want to do them a disservice by not wanting to be in a relationship.”

“Ever?” she asks.

“No, not ever. Just, I guess, when I’m ready.”

“Not to pry, but you know, we’ve talked a lot about me. So it’s your turn. When do you think you’ll be ready?”

“I don’t know,” I answer honestly as I start rolling up the sleeping bag that was pulled from the tent before we started taking it down. “I think when everything just seems…right. If that makes sense.”

“Can I ask what that means?”

I can see her tiptoeing, clearly after an answer that I’m uncomfortable talking about. Then again, she’s talked about a lot of uncomfortable things, so maybe it’s time for me to share.

“Uh, well, with Mika. I want him to be comfortable, mentally healthy. I feel like I have some baggage where my mom is concerned and with my dad’s death and his accident. There are some things to unpack there.”

“I thought you said baggage wasn’t a bad thing.”

“It’s not,” I say, looking her in the eyes. “It’s really not. But I haven’t really dealt with my own baggage, so how can I inflict that on someone who wants to be in a relationship with me, you know?”

“I understand that,” she says. She sticks the poles in the tent bag. “Mika said that your mom cheated on your dad.” When she looks up at me, she winces. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said that. It was a dark moment for him when he told me.”

I pause, my limbs going still as the words float around us, just out there in the world. Words I try to ignore, to suppress, because it’s such a fucked-up situation.

My dad was in a horrible car accident that left him quadriplegic. It was tough on everyone, especially my mom, who had to work extra hours to pay for his home care and then come home and take care of us. She…she was stressed, she didn’t have my father the way she used to, and one night, after hearing Mom on the phone with someone clearly making a time to meet, Mika followed her to our dad’s best friend’s place. He saw them kiss in the front doorway, and from what looked like clothes coming off quickly, he surmised the rest. She owned up to it when she got home.

It was devastating to say the least. From there, it felt like everything fell apart.