Totally and Completely Fine(47)

“You wanted to talk?” My voice was small.

Ben shrugged. “Don’t worry about it,” he said. “I should have taken the hint.” He let out a toneless laugh. “Note to self, talking about testicles is not the best way to flirt.”

“You were flirting?”

I felt stupid saying it out loud. Of course he’d been flirting.

I’d been flirting right back.

“I thought—”

“It’s fine,” he said. “And like I said, you’ll barely notice I’m here.”

“I don’t think that’s possible,” I said.

He let out a breath like I was being ridiculous. And I was.

“I’ll keep out of your way,” he said. “I’m sure I’ll be distracted by the show anyways. It’s not a big deal.”

He wasn’t looking at me—his attention was focused on the bookshelves.

“Things are just complicated,” I said. “Lena—”

“Believe it or not,” he said, “I get it.”

I felt lower than a squashed worm.

“Where’s the nonfiction section?” he asked.

“Over there.” I pointed.

I followed him.

“Living in a town like this—”

“I come from a small town too,” he said, examining book titles. “And I went to boarding school. I know what it’s like to live in a community where everyone knows one another. Where everyone knows your secrets.”

He picked up a book. Put it down.

“You’re protecting your daughter,” he said. “It’s one of the things I like about you. How you always put her first.”

The compliment warmed me. Even though I disagreed with the sentiment.

“You were right,” I said. “About the text messages.”

He shrugged.

“I really thought I’d texted you back,” I said.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “We were just a onetime thing, right?”

He hadn’t made eye contact since he’d appeared in the shop.

“I thought with the whole James Bond thing that this was for the best,” I said.

A wry smile twisted his lips.

“Right,” he said. “The whole James Bond thing.”

“Did something happen?”

I had no right to ask, but Ben answered anyway.

“No,” he said. “Which is exactly the issue.”

“Oh,” I said.

“Yeah,” he said, finally looking up at me.

All I saw in his eyes was disappointment.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Ben said. “My agent said it’s still a possibility, but I think she was just trying to protect my feelings.”

At least there was someone out there looking out for him.

“You have a nice agent.”

He lifted a shoulder. “You can blame her for my presence here. She always said I should get back into live theatre. And now that my schedule’s opened up for the time being, I decided to take Ollie up on his offer. He thought the show would be good for me.”

“Ollie does know how to spot talent,” I said.

Ben flipped through a book. Stopped. Read a few lines. Stuck the paperback under his arm.

“At least it will be a distraction,” he said. “I could use that.”

Ouch.

“I really am sorry,” I said.

He paused and leaned into one hip.

“Me too,” he said. “I should have told you that I was coming.”

“I don’t like surprises,” I said, repeating what I’d told him last night.

“I guess I thought you might be glad to see me.”

“I was,” I said.

He gave me a piercing stare.

“If that’s how you look when you’re happy, I’d hate to see how you act when you’re upset.”

“I really don’t like surprises.”

“Noted,” he said.

He pulled another book from the shelf.

“Don’t stress about me being here,” he said. “I’ll keep my distance.”

Why did it hurt to hear that? It was what I wanted.

Right?

“And I’m good at keeping secrets,” he said. “No one will know what happened between us in Philadelphia.”

“I told Allyson,” I said, not knowing why.

He managed a wry grin. “I gathered that,” he said. “She seems nice.”

Was he going to go after Allyson next? Was it any of my business?

“She is nice,” I said. “She won’t say anything either.”

Another shrug. “I don’t care,” he said. “I know what people say about me. That I sleep around. I learned a while ago that it doesn’t matter—that if enough people tell the same kind of stories about you, it becomes the truth. You need a thick skin to be in this industry.”

He grabbed one more book.

“I’ll get these,” he said.

We walked back to the counter, and I rang him up. He’d bought Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, Tom Stoppard: A Life, and Cowgirl Up! A History of Rodeo Women.