Vengeance of the Pirate Queen(64)

What I want—what I need—is to be alone. Truly alone where nothing and no one is watching me. I need time to think. Time to process. To understand. To plan my next move.

And I need to do it without the undead breathing down my neck.

I scale down some sort of ravine, run across a frozen stream, and race back up the next side. I try to control my breathing, in case Threydan can hear it through his undead. I’ve long suspected he can see through their eyes, but I don’t know how else he’s able to use them.

At a noise behind me, I duck into some thick bushes, scrabbling under them and holding my breath as an undead walks by, his head tilting in every direction. When he passes, I scurry out and take off toward my crew’s camp, but of course the undead are all headed that way. They’re keeping eyes on me. I can hide and duck all I like, but it’s useless. If they don’t run into me, I’ll run into them.

For once in my life, I give up being stealthy. It will get me nowhere.

The thought is terrifying.

I’m so very afraid of the turn my life has taken. I thought my ship sinking in a strange land was as bad as it could get.

How very wrong I was.

Though I miss the way my body used to be, it still reacts the way it should to strong emotions. My skin feels ready to burst from the internal pressure. From thoughts of Threydan’s hand on me to the threats he made against those I’m supposed to protect.

I’m dealing with forces far greater than I thought possible. After Alosa reconciled with her mother, I thought we were done having troubles with sirens. But of course there is more than one charm in the world. Just as there is more than one school of fish or community of humans.

These northern sirens have caused quite a fuss, and then they left so they wouldn’t have to deal with the consequences. Not that they’re still around. Sirens live longer than humans, but not a thousand years, as far as I know. Threydan likely wants to hunt down all sirens, for they are all that pose a threat to him.

Them and Kearan, apparently.

I scoff.

He wants me to break Kearan’s heart. As if he were smitten with me. He’s made it very clear how he feels. How I gave too much credence to things he’d said and done while drunk. He’s a new man now, one who wants nothing between us. Whatever memory Threydan saw, it must have been outdated, and any protests I make or efforts to set the record straight would only appear as if I’m trying to spare Kearan because I return those feelings.

So he’s forcing me to do this.

My blood begins to boil the more I think about the King of the Undersea and all his plans for me.

I pull a dagger from the confines of my clothing and throw it at the nearest tree trunk.

Thwack.

It imbeds in the wood with a satisfying sound. I pull another dagger, imagine Threydan’s face and throw.

Thwack.

My breathing comes quicker as I reach for more knives, giving my sore arms a workout and my mind something to focus on. A healthy outlet for all the nervous energy I’m dealing with.

A way to attack all the negative thoughts that permeate my mind.

Can’t feel anything. Thwack.

Can’t die by cold or heat. Thwack.

Stuck on this island. Thwack.

Still have no hope of finding Alosa’s missing girls. Thwack.

I was the wrong woman for this job. Thwack.

I’ve failed everyone. Thwack.

And now Threydan thinks I can break Kearan? Ha! Thwack.

He gives me too much power. I am powerless. I can do nothing. Thwack.

On and on I throw. When my remaining twelve daggers are imbedded in the wood, I retrieve them before wreaking havoc on the trunk again.

Soon I see Kearan’s face and his wicked grin. Throw until you miss.

Danger excites him. I excite him because I’m dangerous. And he clearly doesn’t care about getting hurt. He didn’t even flinch when that last knife cut him. No, he smiled.

Because he’s mad.

And unpredictable, which is why he unsettles me so. What will he do when I tell him the King of the Undersea wants him to back off?

Doesn’t matter. It was the agreement for letting me go, so I’ll follow up in case the undead are spying on me. If Kearan’s life weren’t hanging in the balance, I wouldn’t bother. But he’s under my protection. I just have to figure out how to broach such a ridiculous topic once again.

Captain, stop flattering yourself.

Ugh.

I fling all my knives for a third time.

A fourth.

A fifth.

At a rustling behind me, I duck behind the tree I’m using for target practice, but when a snowy fox darts past, I relax. Then I remember I’m not bothering to be quiet because Threydan will find me regardless of what I do. Still, old habits are hard to break.

I retrieve my knives and sheathe them one by one inside my clothing as the world finally feels more manageable.

There is much that is out of my control.

My own body.

Threydan’s intentions.

The Drifta’s threats.

But I need to focus on what is within my power to change.

This very second?

My current location.

I continue south, keeping my eyes straight ahead so as not to glimpse the undead hiding behind the trees. I’ve no reason to think Threydan will change his mind and drag me back prematurely. If he wanted me to do something, he would have kept me in that stone house he built so many years ago. It’s hard to imagine it still would have been standing all these years later. With dozens of undead at his command, I imagine he simply had everyone refortify and clean the place in a matter of hours.