When She Falls (The Fallen, #3)(105)

Papà laughs, triumphant. Even the Feds couldn’t keep Stefano Garzolo locked up. He is a legend. Weakened but undefeated. I hear the words “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” repeated over and over again.

When he comes to me, my muscles tense up on their own accord. It must be a new automatic response I’ve developed to him after what happened. He takes my stiff body into his arms and presses a kiss to my cheek. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Vince watching us, his lips a tight line.

“Gemma, my darling. I’m glad you’re here,” he says with a genuine smile. I guess he’s elected to move on from all the trouble I’ve caused now that everything’s fallen into place.

Has he also decided to forget the fact that the last time we saw each other, he tried to kick my ribs in? Before I muster up a response, he’s being corralled away by his men into the living room where a lavish feast has been laid out.

My back straightens. I wasn’t exactly expecting an apology, but this feels like a slap in the face.

I don’t want to ever speak with Papà again after I’m married. I wonder if Rafaele will allow that. Probably not, but maybe he’ll at least agree to never leave me alone in a room with Papà.

My shoulders slump. The fact that I’m days away from negotiating these kinds of things with Rafaele hadn’t hit me until now. We’re getting married in four days.

Cleo comes to stand by my side and crosses her arms over her chest. “Look at him.” She jerks her chin in Papà’s direction. “It’s like he just came back with a gold medal from the Olympics.”

The rest of our extended family arrives over the next few hours. The house starts to feel tight and loud, the level of conversation rising to deafening by the time everyone’s had a few glasses of wine.

I’m not drinking. My stomach hasn’t been feeling okay since this morning.

Tiredness pulls at me, but I force myself to hang around in anticipation of Rafaele’s arrival. I only saw him briefly the day I returned. He came by the house to verify for himself that I was back. He asked me only one thing—if there was anything I wanted to tell him.

I said yes. Then I asked him not to blame Ras for anything. I said it was all my fault, that I was so sorry. I said I was back now and couldn’t wait to get married.

He studied me for a long moment, nodded, and left. I don’t know if he bought it, but according to Vince, no one in New York is concerned with Ras at this point. Word of Rafaele’s succession leaked in the days after I returned, and now everyone knows it’s happening. That’s the only thing anyone seems to be talking about these days.

I press my back against the wall for support and try to engage in conversation with my aunts, but I can’t focus on a single word.

My head hurts.

I just want to be back in Ras’s arms. I’m certain that if I could do that, I’d feel better immediately. Instead, I’m surrounded by my family, but I’ve never felt so alone.

These pangs of longing should get better with time. At least that’s what I tell myself. So far, they haven’t gotten any better though. Every time one of them comes on, it feels like someone’s battering their fists against my heart.

Nona comes up to me, snapping me back to the present. “Cara mia.” She leans in and presses a kiss to both of my cheeks. “You must have been so worried about your father. Thank goodness, he’s back. You know what they say, when it rains, it pours. This family’s been through so much lately.”

I nod stiffly. Nona doesn’t know I left. No one in the family does except for Mamma, Cleo, Vince, and a few of Papà’s men, but they’ve been instructed to keep their mouths shut.

“I know, Nona. Hopefully, we’re on the other side of it now.”

“At least we have your wedding to look forward to. I can hardly believe it’s happening next week.”

A wave of nausea hits me.

Nona sees my expression fall and frowns. “Are you all right? You look pale.”

“I’m a bit tired.”

“Maybe you should go lie down. There’s a nasty bug going around.”

Is it possible I’m getting sick? It’s the last thing I need right now. I’m barely functioning as is.

I glance around. I thought Rafaele would be here, but he’s either really late or he’s not coming, and I’m not even sure why I’m waiting up for him. Appearances, I guess. He’s impossible to read, and I’m being careful not to do anything that might rub him the wrong way. I can’t give him any reason to doubt the story I told him.

“You’re right,” I say, squeezing Nona’s hand. “I’m going to get some rest.”

She gives me a kind smile. “Go, amore. I’ll let Pietra know.”

I trudge upstairs to my room and lie down on my bed.

Where could I have picked up a virus? Maybe Pilates, since that’s the only place I’ve been allowed to go when I want to leave the house. Even for that, I have Mamma as my escort.

There’s a dull throb at the back of my head, and my stomach just won’t settle. I go over everything I ate in the past twenty-four hours. Salad with canned tuna, some Greek yogurt, a veggie omelet… I doubt it could be any of those things. Sometimes, I get a bit of a headache on the first day of my period, but this isn’t the right week for it.