When She Falls (The Fallen, #3)(112)

I’ve survived on a diet of short glimpses of her from a distance for over a week.

And now she’s right here, right in front of me. So vivid and real.

But I don’t like some of the things I see. Dark bags under her eyes. Pale skin. Has she lost some weight?

What the fuck have they been doing to her?

Tucking the gun into my waistband, I lean through the doorway and look down the hallway in both directions. “Where are your guards?”

“Not here.”

Frustration spikes inside of me. She’s here alone? Unprotected? “It’s almost midnight. Did you lose them somewhere?”

She looks down at her hands. “I…I don’t have guards anymore.”

Now, I’m really fucking irritated. “What? Why would Rafaele let you wander around on your own?”

Her teeth dig into her bottom lip, and she slowly lifts her gaze to me.

It feels significant. Like whatever she’s about to say might bring me to my knees.

“Because we’re not engaged anymore.”

I manage to keep myself standing, but the whooshing sound is back. I wrap my hand around the side of my neck, my pulse pounding against it like an off-beat drum. “Say that again. I think I heard you wrong.”

“I called it off. He’s… marrying Cleo instead.”

I’ve always been quick on the uptake, but for the life of me, I can’t make sense of the words coming out of her little pink mouth.

She sighs at my dumbfounded expression. “Can I come in? It’s been a long night.”

I step aside to let her pass.

Seeing her inside this crappy shoebox apartment only adds to my confusion. I never imagined her here.

She turns in a circle, taking it all in. “It’s cozy.”

I shut the door. Lock it. Take a step toward her.

That’s all it takes for us to be just inches apart.

“How did you find me?”

“I went back to that coffee shop where we met Orrin. He was there.” She glances down at herself. “He gave me this jacket and drove me here.”

“You’re telling me he brought you here but didn’t think to accompany you up?” How could he have just let her go up her own?

“Ras, it’s three flights of stairs,” she says with a soft laugh.

“This place is dodgy,” I growl.

“He tried to come, but I insisted on doing this on my own.”

“Let me get this straight,” I begin, sure I’m about to spew out nonsense. “You broke off the engagement.”

“Yes.”

“How?”

Her cheeks redden. Fuck, she’s so beautiful. I’m still not convinced this isn’t a mirage.

“I told Rafaele I’m not a virgin anymore.”

Jesus Fucking Christ. This can’t be real.

“I knew that it would disqualify me.”

“And he believed you?”

She blushes again. “I think I was pretty convincing. In any case, the proof will be here in nine months.”

Nine months? Suddenly, I can’t breathe. “What?”

She looks at me from under her lashes. “I’m pregnant. I just found out yesterday.”

My mind goes blank for a moment, trying to comprehend the news.

“The moment I found out, I knew I had to find you,” she says calmly, like she has no idea the impact her words are having on me.

“Leaving you was a mistake. The worst mistake of my life. I couldn’t stand the thought of you losing everything for me, but now I see that I should have trusted you to make that decision for yourself. I was scared, Ras. So scared that you’d wake up one day and realize I wasn’t worth it. You told me I was enough, but I didn’t believe you.” She tucks a strand of espresso-colored hair behind her ear. “Cleo made me realize how my parents screwed me up. I have all of these beliefs about love and affection that are kind of messed up, and all these memories I'd forgotten and when they came back—oh I don't know what I'm saying.” She drags her fingers through her hair and sighs, seemingly frustrated with herself.

I stare at her mutely.

She clenches her fists by her sides. “I’m sorry, Ras. I’m so sorry for what I said to you. For how I hurt you. I promise that if you take me back, I’ll never hurt you like that again. I’ll work on myself. I’m not going to let my past dictate my future.” Her cheek turn pink. “I swear, I had a far better speech prepared, but I forgot it all as soon as I got here.”

I put my hands on her forearms. There’s something weird happening inside my chest.

“Did you say you’re pregnant?”

The pink on her cheeks deepens. “Yes. I probably threw up the morning-after pill. I know this is totally unexpected. I don’t expect you to be thrilled about it—”

I press my index finger against her lips. “I’m thrilled.”

Her eyes soften with relief, and her lips turn up against my finger.

My heart is pounding against my ribs.

She broke off the engagement.

She’s pregnant with our kid.

She must have jumped through so many hoops to come here.

And she did it anyway.

She chose me.

I engulf her in my arms. I press my nose into her hair. Her scent is the sweetest thing I’ve ever smelled, and now I’ll have it around me forever. “Cazzo. I can’t believe this. Do you know how badly I wished to have you back in my arms? Not an hour’s gone by without me thinking about you. I feel like I’m dreaming.”