Wish You Were Her(27)

It didn’t matter how many jobs she secured, or how many awards she won, a part of her still felt that unwanted sting. That burden of being “other.”

So, when Jonah Thorne, someone who didn’t even like her, called her “beautiful”—not attractive, not hot, but beautiful—she felt the brushstrokes of being human on the canvas of her face for the first time.

She was, of course, unable to say any of this.

“Your turn to spin, Jonah,” Skye finally said.

Jonah readily pushed the bottle into motion and the game clunkily carried on.

Allegra’s attention dipped in and out as the evening progressed. She felt her work phone vibrating in her pocket and each little trill sent a ripple of anxiety through her. Her team had promised not to contact her over the summer. She had made the case to her management and agency, telling them that it was essential for her to be a normal eighteen-year-old for a few months and Natalie had been her valiant second, supporting her all the way.

When the buzzing became noticeable to other people, Allegra excused herself. As she stepped into the lower ground floor corridor, she glanced at a large clock on the wall in the shape of a pig. It was getting to be quite late in the evening, and she was horrified at the thought of her team still working.

She called Natalie, who answered after the first ring.

“Everything all right?” Allegra asked.

She could hear that Natalie sounded tired.

“Hi, darling. Sorry to call you, I know you’re out of the office for the summer, but this couldn’t wait.”

Allegra sat down on the carpeted floor and listened while Natalie told her about a director who wanted to meet with her.

“Glory will be in the city when you’re up for the premiere.”

A premiere for a huge, big-budget movie Allegra had wrapped the year before. Her part was small, the ensemble cast had been enormous. The producers had stuffed the three-hour picture with as many famous names as possible. Allegra’s part had practically been a walk-on, which was why she had done it. No expense had been spared in production.

Except when it came to the writing.

Allegra was not particularly proud of the film but she was still obligated to appear on the carpet.

She was eventually able to persuade Natalie to put everything into an email to her personal account, which she promised she would read.

“Can I give Glory your number?”

“Sure,” Allegra sighed.

“Amazing. Thank you, sweets. Go back to your holiday, have a great time.”

As Allegra hung up the phone, she listened for the sounds of the group next door. She could hear Simon animatedly shouting about something, while Lucien argued back jokingly. The others seemed to be all laughing and joining in.

Somehow, life with her peers had always felt like this to Allegra. She was the one sitting out in the corridor, or in a bathroom stall, while the fun carried on happily without her. She had never enjoyed walking into rooms. She always felt a little unwelcome.

Becoming famous had done nothing to change that. Her world had, ironically, shrunk. The bigger your name becomes, the more strangers will start to use it. Then one day you realize you haven’t heard a loved one say it in forever. They’ve given up trying to be heard over the din of the crowd.

The dramatic switch from being the girl teachers and other teenagers treated like a burden to international superstar had been enough to break her neck.

She heard Simon bellow something that sounded uncharitable at Grace’s friends and it made her wince. He was so different in the emails. Opening up the latest one made her smile again.

Wish you were here.

Perhaps he regretted his abrasiveness. He had said as much, in one of his emails. She certainly said and did things in social situations that had her lying awake late at night, wishing she could negotiate with the weirder parts of her brain.

“Answer the question!”

As Allegra re-entered the room, she frowned at the scene that greeted her. Grace Lancaster was squirming under Star’s fierce gaze.

“Can I do the dare instead?” Grace asked, her voice becoming very small.

“Fine, I dare you to answer the question,” Star said fiercely.

“What question, what have I missed?” Allegra asked, sitting down next to Grace in the circle.

“Not much, I think this game has definitely run its course,” Jonah said. He sounded matter-of-fact but when Allegra looked at him, he looked nervous. Perhaps even a little distressed.

“I don’t really want to answer,” Grace said, to the question Allegra was yet to hear.

“Well, that’s not the game,” Skye said coldly, backing her sister.

“She wants to know if I’ve ever—”

“I don’t need to hear,” Allegra told the other girl when she began to explain. “If you don’t want to answer, you don’t have to answer.”

“Yeah, this is getting boring,” Kerrie said brightly, getting to her feet. “I’m heading back into town if anyone wants to walk.”

“I do,” said Allegra. “Grace, you too?”

“Yes,” said Grace quietly. Her two friends from the ballet also stood up.

“Grace, you don’t have to be so serious all of the time,” Skye said with a disingenuous smile. “This is all very unserious; you don’t need to get worked up.”