Wish You Were Her(59)

“You said you were lonely,” he said, too quietly for any of the others to hear. “I know you’re here for a summer. I know you’ll be gone soon. Everything will turn back to pumpkins for me. But, in the meantime, I want to … I want…”

She watched him fight with how to word it. “Yes?”

“I want you.”

She watched his pupils dilate as he looked at her. “Lots of people have wanted me, Jonah. They don’t want it anymore, once they’ve come too close.”

He shook his head, moving closer. “I’m not like that.”

“No one thinks they’re like that, until the shiny thing in their head turns out to be a human. Just like everybody else.”

He was about to respond when Jasper appeared in the entryway, wearing a knowing smile. “I can drive you back into town. Or you can stay here. We’ve got three spare rooms.”

“I get Christine’s old room!” shouted Grace from the kitchen.

“Who’s Christine?” Allegra asked.

“Jasper’s sister,” Jonah murmured. “Don’t ask, it’s impossible to explain her.”

“How about it?” Jasper asked Allegra, every inch the hostess. “I can make you all some amazing eggs in the morning?”

Allegra liked her so much. There was something different about her. Something familiar. As if they had met in another life. She brought up feelings of déjà vu, despite Allegra knowing they had never interacted before.

“You can have the blue room upstairs, Allegra,” Jasper said. “It has the nicest en-suite.” She looked pointedly at Jonah. “You all right to sleep here on the sofa? No one’s allowed in my parents’ room, I’m afraid.”

Allegra grinned as he released a heavy sigh. “Sure.”

Jasper led Allegra up to the blue room.

“It’s the same size as my dad’s apartment,” Allegra said, laughing.

Jasper smiled and Allegra was a little dazzled by it. “Do you have your own place?”

“Yes,” Allegra said. “An apartment in the city. I bought it when I turned eighteen. It’s … barely furnished, I’m hardly there. Only room that is finished is the walk-in wardrobe.” She paused for a beat and then groaned. “That makes me sound like a monster.”

Jasper regarded her with a warmth that made Allegra feel tearful. “No, it doesn’t. Makes you sound like someone who has had to grow up way too fast.”

Allegra didn’t know if it was exhaustion from preparing for the festival, overstimulation after a full day of working in the sun, or frustration after the stress of Simon’s unwanted kiss. Or Jonah’s all-seeing eyes.

But Jasper’s empathy released something in her.

And she started to cry.





Chapter Twenty-One



[email protected] to: [email protected] RE: Just Wondering Dear Friend, I was thinking. How old are you? You have a big career in social media, which feels like a young person’s game but it’s far more impressive than anything on my resumé. I was just wondering. I know we don’t talk too much about the personal stuff, but anyway …

Jonah [email protected] to: [email protected] Subject: Just Telling Let me guess. Someone close to you says that I’m ancient.

[email protected] to: [email protected] RE: (no subject) Sorry!! No, that’s not it exactly. I was just wondering.

Allegra smiled to herself as she switched off her phone. The emails were giving her a touch of lightness that she desperately needed after a tumultuous evening. Jasper had let her cry and had now gone to wet a flannel so Allegra could wash her face. On returning, Jasper spoke to her softly, so softly, about how Allegra deserved all of the good things she had earned. That sacrifices were a part of success and it was all right to feel a sense of loss when she looked at her achievements, as well as pride. She explained that imposter syndrome seemed to plague women who didn’t deserve it more than it did the men who made money from their art. It was the speech Allegra had needed someone to make to her for years. While she knew twenty-three was not a big gap in terms of age and maturity, she looked at Jasper as though she were the wisest of women.

And Allegra knew. She just knew. This woman in her mid-twenties, who smiled at everyone and noticed who felt left out or too scared to talk, was like her.

“I’m autistic,” Allegra heard herself say. “The studios don’t know. The fans, my co-workers, no one. Only my team and my parents. And Grace.”

Jasper’s smile did not falter, there was not a fleck of surprise in her face. “Oh, really?”

“I’m not ashamed of it. But I can’t always cope. I have these … I don’t know, these hangovers after press junkets. When I have to speak to hundreds of people. Or do a talk show.”

“Your body is taking on more stimulation than its designed for,” Jasper said quietly. “It’s not a flaw in you. It’s the infrastructure that’s the problem.”

“If I tell the networks, it’ll get out to the press. Then I’ll be vilified and held up as some kind of spokesperson all at once.”

Something flashed through Jasper’s eyes but she said nothing for a moment. And then: “Your medical diagnosis is not anyone else’s business. No matter their relation to you. It’s yours to disclose. And I think you deserve some privacy.”