You've Found Oliver (You've Reached Sam, #2)(48)

I think about this a lot, too. It’s unfair that we had to meet this way. Separated by space and time. Close, but only for a moment.

“I’ll fly into a black hole to find you.”

Something shoots across the sky, casting a blue light over us. Then Ben leans forward to kiss me. I close my eyes as the rest of the city blinks around us.





Chapter

Eighteen



“Time is never constant, but always in motion.”

Professor Clarke’s words have been stuck in my head. Especially these past few days while I’m sitting in class, staring at the clock on the wall. Sometimes, time feels like it’s moving faster than I can catch up to it. Like everyone’s left on the train while I’m still standing at the platform, waiting. Maybe that’s because I don’t know which direction I’m going. All these lectures and unfinished assignments haven’t helped me figure out what to do with my life. I blink and another day passes without me noticing. No matter how hard I try to slow things down, it feels like time is always running out.

It’s been a week since I last saw Ben. It’s still hard to believe we’re living six months apart. The Pacific Northwest experienced the biggest snowstorm we’ve had in years, and he doesn’t even know it yet. I already received my first grades of the quarter, and he hasn’t started classes. I’ve watched the newest Space Ninjas movie twice, and he’s still waiting for it to premiere in theaters. I’ve been thinking about what Ben said the last time we were together. “I’d want to take a glimpse into the future…Wouldn’t you rather know where your life is headed?”

He’s constantly making plans for the future while my head’s in the past. Sometimes, it feels like we’re looking in different directions. Maybe I should try to think more like him. Have some things in place to look forward to. Like the fellowship he applied to. I wonder if he’s heard back by now. I’ve been doing my best to avoid looking him up again. I don’t want to find out these things before him and ruin the surprise. Who knows how that might affect things in the long run?

But I couldn’t help myself recently. I googled his name a few days ago. Most of the search results are articles I’ve seen before. Then I find something dated from two weeks ago. A newsletter from the University of Washington. There’s a picture of Ben standing with two other students. Then I read the caption: Recipients of the ESA Research Award.

This means he won the fellowship after all. I thought about texting him when I read the rest of the article. Recipients of this fellowship will have the opportunity to spend up to a year at the Anton Pannekoek Institute for Astronomy in the Netherlands. I didn’t realize he would be leaving for so long. What would that mean for us? Living six months apart has been hard enough already. I was hoping we would eventually find a way to fix all this, bridge the timelines somehow so we can finally be together. But how would that be possible when he’s on the other side of the world?

I stare at the screen, unsure what to do with the news. I probably shouldn’t have looked in the first place. Because now I know what his future looks like. I can’t keep it a secret from him, but he did say he wanted some surprises, right? Maybe that means I don’t have to tell him right now. I can decide the next time when I see him in person.

Eventually, I force myself to start the day. I’m heading to the shower when something stops me. There are flowers outside my door. A bouquet of beautiful white roses. For a second, I think Ben might have sent them, but that’s impossible. How can he send something six months in the future? Maybe they were delivered for Ethan. I glance at the card. It’s my name written on the envelope. I read the note inside.

    Sorry we won’t get to dance together tonight.

Feel free to take someone else. —Nolan



He’s enclosed two tickets to the Pindar Dance. But why is he giving them to me? I stare at the flowers. I assumed he would have asked someone else to go with him by now. Maybe this is his way of saying he’s moved on, too? It’s hard to believe we once had plans to go together. At least it’s a kind gesture, but I’m not really sure how to feel. He probably remembers how much I was looking forward to it. It’s bittersweet in a way I can’t put into words.

But what am I supposed to do with these tickets? As much as I want to, it’s not like I could take Ben with me. I would give them to Rami, but he’s away for the weekend. I wish Julie was here. I know I should probably throw the flowers away, but I hate the thought of them wilting in the garbage. So I bring them inside and place them on my desk.

White roses always remind me of Sam. I once shared that with Nolan, so it’s probably not a coincidence that he chose them. He was always thoughtful when it came to my friendship with Sam. It’s one of the things I appreciated about him the most.

I should probably give him back the tickets, since I don’t have much use for them. Maybe Julie will have an opinion. I take a picture of the flowers and send it to her. Surprisingly, she responds pretty quickly.

Who are they from?



Redacted



Get rid of them



I had a feeling she would say that.

He also gave me his tickets to the dance tonight



What a weirdo



Must be a part of his strategy to win you back