You've Found Oliver (You've Reached Sam, #2)(62)

Morning



Text me when you’re awake



He’s always up hours before me. We had such an incredible night beneath the stars. I can still feel his lips on mine, but there’s a knot of guilt in my chest. I can’t believe he missed the deadline for his fellowship application. It was so important to him. I can’t stop blaming myself for it. He would have won it if it hadn’t been for me, right? We’re supposed to see each other again this weekend, but I know he’s behind on work. I hate to think I might be for keeping him from accomplishing his goals. Maybe we should take some time apart. Give him a chance to catch up. As much as I love seeing Ben, all the traveling back and forth between our cities is exhausting. Especially with finals coming up. My head pounds just from thinking about it.



* * *





I have Math Modeling in an hour, but I don’t feel like sitting through it again. It makes me miss my spring schedule, especially Professor Clarke’s class. As confusing as she is sometimes, it was the only course I truly enjoyed. In a lot of ways, it was like a sanctuary from the world. It brought me a sense of comfort. I miss her interesting lectures. The questions she had us thinking about for weeks.

I decide to stop by her office. Maybe she’ll be in today. I’ve never actually been there before, so when I get to the philosophy building, I search around, looking for the door with her name on it. Thankfully, the light is on. I knock on the door and poke my head in.

“Oliver? What a surprise.”

“Hi, Professor Clarke.”

“Professor?” she says, almost teasingly. “That’s very formal of you. No need to call me that unless you’re in one of my classes.”

“Oh, right.”

I haven’t taken her spring class yet. I have to keep reminding myself that.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing you? I hope Julie didn’t send you to check up on me.”

“No.”

She gives me a suspicious look. “Did someone else send you to check up on me?”

“No, I just thought I’d stop and say hi.”

“Oh.” She relaxes, pointing to the chair in front of her desk. “Well then, please, come in and take seat.”

It feels nice to see her again, sit down together. I scan the books on the shelves, written in different languages. There’s a few photos on the wall. “I like your office,” I tell her.

“Thank you.” She leans back in her chair. “It usually gets more cluttered throughout the year. So you’ve caught me at a very good time.”

“What are you teaching this quarter?”

“The Philosophy of the Mind,” she answers. “It’s one of my favorite courses to teach. Always fascinating to get students thinking about their own consciousness.”

“That sound interesting,” I say, nodding. “You know, I’ve been thinking about taking some philosophy classes.”

“Oh? What inspired that?”

“I’ve just been interested in it lately. I read this one quote somewhere that made me think about myself.” I pause to remember it. “It was something like, the home is our first universe.”

“Sounds like Bachelard.” Professor Clarke nods knowingly. “It must mean something to you, if it’s inspiring you to learn more. I’m curious what it’s made you think about.”

I stare at my hands and say, “To be honest, I didn’t really get it at first. I’m sure you know I moved around a lot when I was young. I think that gave me a limited sense of what a home is, you know? But I’m learning it’s more than the house you live in. It’s something you make yourself. With the people you meet, the places you go.” In a lot of ways, Ellensburg is my home, right? It’s where I’ve lived my entire life. It’s also all that I really know. I don’t understand much of the world beyond it. I’m starting to realize I don’t understand a lot of things.

Professor Clarke laces her fingers together. “I’m glad it resonated with you. You might have enjoyed the class I’m teaching.”

“I wish I’d known about it sooner,” I say. “But I’m looking forward to taking your class in the spring.”

Professor Clarke frowns. “Unfortunately, I might not be teaching it in the spring.”

“Why not?”

“There are a few factors.” She picks up the stack of papers and sets them behind her. “It’s an additional course I take on every so often. Now that Julie is staying for the spring, I might need to cancel as I won’t have the time.”

“So when will you teach it then?”

“Not for a while. I’ll be on sabbatical next year, so likely when I return.”

I was just sitting in her class. I haven’t even finished reading The Poetics of Space. How could she not be teaching it? I must have gone quiet for too long, because Professor Clarke says, “Is something else bothering you, Oliver?”

I stare at my hands again. I should just tell her I’m fine, but she’d probably sense that’s not the truth. I remember something she said in class. Time is always in motion. I wonder what she would think about this strange situation I’m in. I look up and say, “Can I ask you something else? It might be an odd question.”