You've Found Oliver (You've Reached Sam, #2)(8)
What am I supposed to do without the both of you?
It brings me comfort to see his name on the screen. Sam Obayashi. Even though he’s gone, I still text him sometimes. Maybe more often than I’d like to admit. It makes me feel like we’re still connected. Like he’s still here. After all, he passed so abruptly and I never got the chance to say goodbye. I didn’t plan for the messages to continue this long though. Maybe this is my way of keeping him alive. I like to imagine he’s receiving my texts in an alternate universe or something.
* * *
I haven’t had much to eat today. My favorite bakery is a few blocks from here. They’ve been around forever, and they have these almond croissants I always treat myself with after failing an exam. All of my birthday cakes growing up were made there. Sadly, the place is closing down soon. They’ve been struggling to compete with the chain supermarket that just opened across the street. So I should probably enjoy them while they last.
As I turn the corner, the red-and-yellow-striped canopy comes into view. Maybe I’ll also grab something to bring home for Mom. She loves their cardamom buns. But when I try the handle, the door is locked. I press my nose to the window and look inside. All the tables and chairs are gone. There’s a sign next to the door.
We Thank You for Thirty Years of Business
But I thought they were closing next month? I didn’t even get to have one last almond croissant. Now I’ll have to find somewhere else to go. I turn around and make my way into town. The sign for Sun and Moon blinks across the street. It’s the local café where Sam used to work. I’ve been avoiding it lately for obvious reasons. Even though it’s been almost a year, I always think of him when I step through that door.
If I close my eyes, I can see him behind the counter, waiting for me to show up. I used to stay until closing time, blasting music through the speakers while he cleaned up. Thankfully, the place isn’t too crowded today. But I’m not planning to stay very long. I just grab a chocolate muffin and head outside again.
“Those are scones,” he’d always correct me.
“Tastes like a muffin to me.”
I finish it on my way to the flower shop at the corner. Sometimes, I’ll go in to look at all the bouquets they have displayed. But I’m here for a different reason today. I grab some white roses and pay at the counter. They always remind me of the night of our school dance, when Sam pinned his boutonniere onto my shirt.
“I knew it would look better on you.”
It’s not a long walk to Memorial Hill. I’ve been enough times by now to know all the shortcuts. The iron posts near the entrance gates stand like giant sentries. I continue past them and make my way up to Sam’s grave.
As usual, there are some flowers here already. Someone else must have visited him recently. I have a feeling it was Julie. I kneel down and arrange the stone vase, placing the roses in the middle. I wonder if he would know which ones are from me. I remember how much you wanted flowers. I’m sad this is the reason you’re finally getting them.
I usually keep him company on nice days like this, sitting in the grass while the clouds roll by. Sometimes, I’ll even play music from my phone. We never had the same taste though. He was more of a classic rock guy. Sam and I used to fight over who got to control the speaker. Now I miss the songs he used to play. There’s this one that’s been stuck in my head. But I can’t remember the name.
I send him another message.
I can’t remember the name of that one song you said you liked. It’s from that band with the color in their name.
The violet something?
Where the guitar goes na naa naaa and the guy’s kinda mumbling about his daughter or something like that
This is going to bother me for weeks. I wish I had a made a playlist of all his favorites. So I could listen to them whenever I missed him. When I first started coming here, I would talk to Sam for hours. Update him on everything going on in my life. But it feels like he isn’t here anymore. Like no one is listening. That doesn’t stop me from visiting him, because I think he would do the same for me.
I stare out at the hill, watching the clouds form overhead. The weather says there’s a chance of showers. So I’ll have to keep this visit short. Maybe I’ll stop by again tomorrow. I hang around for a few more minutes before heading home.
* * *
Things are quiet when I return to my dorm. My roommate must be at practice or something. Ethan is on the college baseball team. He and I don’t talk very much unless he’s asking me where I put his protein powder. But his parents paid for a flex wall to separate our beds and even installed a ceiling curtain for extra privacy. So I can’t really complain. Especially when he was probably expecting to live alone this quarter.
Originally, my plan was to live at home the first couple of years. That’s what Julie’s been doing to save some money. But Mom and I moved to a one-bedroom apartment after she left my stepdad, and the place is too small for the both of us. At least I’m getting the traditional experience of living on campus, even though I’m only a short walk from home.
I sit at the foot of my bed and text Sam again.
Just got back to my dorm
the white roses are from me btw